Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

A promise kept?

45 replies

beautifullybroken · 20/01/2015 17:29

My other half made me promise not to keep in touch with certain few people who are my friends this means no meeting up and no texting or emailing he has been specific in this.
I dont have friends as it is and totally alone, i obviously feel like arranging a meet up via text etc when he is at work but now i somehow feel guilty if i did this, even writing on here i feel like i am going behind his back. So i dont know whether to accept this or actually contact my friends

OP posts:
TitchyThings · 20/01/2015 17:32

What reason did he give you for his "request"?

Tyzer85 · 20/01/2015 17:32

Why has he asked you to stop seeing your friends?

DeliciousMonster · 20/01/2015 17:34

Why would you agree to not keeping in touch with your friends?

daisychain01 · 20/01/2015 17:35

I'm intrigued by the request your OH is making. It seems very specific and very absolute. I wouldn't feel comfortable with someone who was so controlling.

That said, we don't know the back-story - maybe those people made you desperately unhappy or tried to harm or bully you and this 'promise' is your OH protecting you. It isn't good that you feel forced to contact them "behind his back", it isn't a comfortable way to live.

Original poster
beautifullybroken · 20/01/2015 17:38

He just dont want anyone in our lives really, he has some friends and he goes out once a month with these, he has always been insecure about me seeing friends whether male or female.
He like to know im not up to anything when he is at work, i am not really doing much other than staying in the house...

OP posts:
Vivacia · 20/01/2015 17:39

How long have you been together? Do you have children?

Tyzer85 · 20/01/2015 17:40

I hate saying leave the bastard but please leave him, he sounds like a controlling bastard

magoria · 20/01/2015 17:42

Why is he allowed to go out with friends even if just once a month but you are not?

Unless there is some massive back story to this it sounds like a very disfunctional relationship if you have to promise and not meet friends but sit at home alone all day.

You are going to go up the wall.

newyear15 · 20/01/2015 17:43

blimey - do you realise how bad this is him asking you to do this. Alienating you from people .

Do you work, have children?

Original poster
beautifullybroken · 20/01/2015 17:44

yes we have children, and together a long time, many years.
I dont want to leave him as i love him but i dont know whether to contact my friends or not before i have no one but then i have the worry of him finding out.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/01/2015 17:48

< sigh >

TitchyThings · 20/01/2015 17:49

The very fact that you have posted here, OP, means that you are aware there is a problem. His insecurity is not a valid reason for isolating you from people, but you already know that.

If you don't agree to his request (demand?) what will happen?

Itsgoingtoreindeer · 20/01/2015 17:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itsgoingtoreindeer · 20/01/2015 17:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
beautifullybroken · 20/01/2015 17:56

itsgoingtoreindeer are you still together?
Yes he says he likes it just us as a family etc

OP posts:
Vivacia · 20/01/2015 17:57

OP are both you and your husband from the UK, or are there cultural norms we need to be aware of in advising you?

My reaction was that of AF's.

newyear15 · 20/01/2015 17:58

oh dear - OP this is an awful relationship. A man who controls you - what message is this showing to your children. He won't change.

What would happen if you refused and went and saw your friends anyway. What would he do?

Tyzer85 · 20/01/2015 17:59

My reaction was to bang my head on my desk repeatedly.

I appreciate that to us it's obvious the husband is controlling the OP but surely somehow she must know that it's not acceptable?

Original poster
beautifullybroken · 20/01/2015 18:03

i dont know what he would do. He may break my mobile he has broken some of my belongings before. i dont know why he sees his friends i have no problem with that at all he go out about 6pm and he will stay out with them untill midnight and i have no problem.
i dont see my family too often either but he hasnt tried to stop me seeing my family just these few friends i have left he dont like and there both female and male so im confused.

OP posts:
Itsgoingtoreindeer · 20/01/2015 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TitchyThings · 20/01/2015 18:07

OP, do you realise that some of us find it very hard to understand why some women let their husbands be their boss, jailer, master?

Why do you think he has the right to ask this?

newyear15 · 20/01/2015 18:09

so he stops you seeing your fiends and he smashes up your belongings. What else has he done?

Are you frightened of him?

Original poster
beautifullybroken · 20/01/2015 18:20

i dont know i dont think he does have the right to do this it is just his way.
He has done a few things that arent good but i just put up with it as he works alot he is out the way alot but now i feel like i should have my friends but i feel bad about lying to him.

OP posts:
flatbellyfella · 20/01/2015 18:22

He is well out of order telling you not to contact your friends. He must be a very insecure control freak.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 20/01/2015 18:27

He has done a few things that arent good but i just put up with it as he works alot

I really do not like the sound of that Sad

Swipe left for the next trending thread