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Original poster

How do you go from friendly chat to 'let's be friends' with mums in a playground?

73 replies

JoshandJamie · 17/10/2006 19:06

Maybe I am just Norman No Mates - but I recently moved to a new area and would really like to make some local friends. I've tried meeting some mums through another mums website and it was ok but didn't really have much in common with any of them.

But quite often when I take my boys to the playground or toddler/baby groups, there are other mums there and sometimes we start up conversations and it seems that we have a bunch of things in common. And conversation flows relatively easily. And I just want to say: hey, would you like to meet up here again or have a playdate - but it all sounds so stalkery.

Any tips on how to make friends without seeming like desperate dan?

OP posts:
colditz · 18/10/2006 10:42

"wE ARE NIPPING TO THE PARK AFTER THIS, DO YOU FANCY IT?"

oops

Bozza · 18/10/2006 10:50

I was fortunate that my very good friend with a DS in my DS's class had a DD a few months before me. So the DDs have always played together, although they have a sort of love/hate relationship as is common among 2yo girls.

NannyStar · 18/10/2006 11:55

As a nanny, often in the role of parents, we feel this too and it can be a very lonely existence. In my last job, I regularly took the children to a pop-in in the local village hall. It was a pop-in where the mums could chat and kids could play in the toy corner. About 5 mums, all about 15 years older than me went. I would see them walking around the village supermarket together, going in the cafe together and boy, I longed to be friends with them. I was the only nanny for miles so didn't have anyone me and my tots could meet up with. This carried on for 5 months until one day they were discussing a night out and asked if I wanted to join them. After that it was great. We went on computer courses together when children were in daycare, and never did I think them asking me out was stalkerish...go for it, chances are, the other mums are desperate for adult company just as you are.

Original poster
JoshandJamie · 18/10/2006 12:54

Just want to update you on progress. Today I went to our local playgroup and met several new people, including one who lives just up the street. I said to her how similar in age our boys were and how I wish I had some friends for him as his big brother has all the friends. And she was very keen. Then I asked another woman who's daughter was playing nicely with my older son if she'd like to get together and play as they seemed to get on well, and she said: that would be nice.

And at the end of the group they said it was closed next week for half term. One mum said: what are we going to do? So I took the plunge and invited about 5 of them to my house.

So if that isn't taking the plunge on several levels, I don't know what is. I gave out my number to them all so that they could get directions to my house for next week - and now I just have to see if anyone calls.

Phew. I feel like I need a drink after that.

OP posts:
Wintersun · 18/10/2006 13:05

Thats excellent!
Well done!

joelallie · 18/10/2006 13:18

Well done!

I have a similar problem in that I work and most of the other mums don't seem to, or only part-time. The other problem is that it's a small town where everyone knows every one else and has done since the moment the midwife cut the bloody umbilical cord! Which can make it hard to break in. Most of my friends are not natives born and bred TBH and I didn't meet them in the playground.

lilKel · 18/10/2006 13:23

Hiya, as a mum to a 7-mo old and 7wks pg (yes again), found this all really, really helpful.

Way to go, Josh&Jamie. I bet you end up with more socialising than you know what to do with!!!

NannyStar · 18/10/2006 13:26

wow! well done you!!!

mancmum · 18/10/2006 13:28

how does BMI work -- dressed or naked?

First thing in morning before breakfast, naked and on scales... my BMI is 24.9 (ideal weight range if at top..)

Dressed and with breakfast in me.. it is 26.9-- overweight...

So, do I lose weight or wander round naked but with perfect BMI?

swifter · 18/10/2006 13:30

well done you- i know exactly how you feel as we moved here 8 mnths ago and I had make new friends. went by myself to a toddler group and longed to be friends with the two 'cool'mums in the corner so edged over there way and by the end of it just asked if they fancied a coffe tomoz and that was it.

There is about 6 of us now who hang out most days, support each other and get right royally drunk together about once a month. Turns out the 'cool' mums had been sat there for weeks trying to pluck up the courage to ask each other to go for a coffee!!

so you never know peoples circumstances. I like to feel i was the lynch pin in al our friendships!!!

mancmum · 18/10/2006 13:41

argh wrong thread sorry too many windows open!!

mancmum · 18/10/2006 13:41

argh wrong thread sorry too many windows open!!

MissyBabee · 18/10/2006 17:23

well done, j&j - let us know how it goes next week

Ags · 18/10/2006 18:45

J&J - well done. Brilliant move. Boy, when you go for it you really go for it, 5! The benefit of that of course is that you definately shouldn't have any problems with conversation. Have a great time!

Isyhan · 18/10/2006 20:12

Im a little take it or leave it really but thers been a couple of mums have said do you want to meet at mums and tots and weve met up there for a coffee and a chat. That suits me as Ive got other girly friends I like to go out with on an evening but it's great that people ask. It makes you feel better and the person whose asked it's a win win.

comebacksummer · 19/10/2006 08:39

I moved to a new area of the country a while ago where I knew noone, and the way I saw it it was up to me to meet people.. so I invited everyone I met that I liked at playgroups, parks, kids' events etc with kids the same age to bring theirs over to play.. must have been the busiest 3 or 4 weeks of our lives at home, especially as we were still up to our ears with boxes but it was so worth it- made some really good friends. I think you have to be the one to make the running as if you sit around waiting for invites they might not ever come!! so well done josh and jamie.. you did the right thing imo!

humpydumpy · 19/10/2006 08:48

I was watching dd 2 years play with the other kids at the park yesterday. Her method of making friends, was to go up to them and stand about 1 metre away and stare for about 5 mins and then just follow them about and join in. Wouldn't it be great if it was still that simple

suzywong · 19/10/2006 08:52

Show them my caesar scars literally or verbally. I find once we know one another's labour stories then it's wine o'clock while the kids play in the yard after school in no time at all.

StrawberryFULLMoonOWOWOWWWWWWW · 19/10/2006 09:00

i had one of the mums and her two girls round one day..got on really well...she asked me to go to hers one day..exchanged numbers..everytime ai asked what she was doing after that, she was 'busy' with something or other,,,then she asked me to go round one evening for a make up party..me and dd having big argument, calmed down, but forgot all about party..apologiised profusely monday morning..has more or less blanked me since??!!

Seabird · 19/10/2006 09:19

My DH saw Rupert Penry-Jones (gorgeous Adam from Spooks) in the park the other day - I've been hanging out there all week since armed with all your great tips waiting to invite him back for a 530 bottle of wine

corrina28 · 19/10/2006 10:15

ask your boys who their friends are and try to interact with their parents, invite then over for tea. Or host a coffee morning, invite whoever you like. you will probably find most of them feel the same as you. at our school we organised a xmas night our when they first started in reception, we all got on really well, now its any excuse to go out

Flamebat · 19/10/2006 10:20

Great short version of how I made my new "school friend"

Her DD liked mine, so we started talking. I wore a short skirt. She called me a slut. Friends ever since

(The longer version is that I misheard and she didn't actually call me a slut, but I still took it as a compliment )

She asked if I fancied joining her and her friend for coffee one morning. She has been the forward one in all this though... I am too shy.

unpaidcleaner · 19/10/2006 10:30

i've read all these success stories and they've confirmed my own belief that it's Just Me Then! when dd started school we knew nobody, and i only pick her up from school once a week. now, 4 years in, i still only vaguely know 1 or 2 of the other mums and still find it an ordeal standing waiting in the playground when the other mums are all chatting in their groups. they all seem to know each other very well so i don't feel able to butt in. So i just lurk about at the back with the odd dads

angelgabriel · 19/10/2006 10:47

Moved into our area just over a year ago, and have found it quite hard to meet other families. My ds has just started in nursery at our local school, and suddenly I am on first name terms with a few other local SAH mums. But quite a few have older children and so know each other already - there seems to be a bit of a clique - I often see them going to each other's houses after the drop off.

We were invited round to lunch after nursery by a Mum who lives in our road but we had never seen before. Had a lovely time and now I want to return the favour - but I need to get the timing right without seeming desperate - don't want her to think we've no friends. Its like after the first date territory. So fraught.

notsogummyanymaaargh · 19/10/2006 12:10

goodness me, might have to go through all this nyself soon. quite daunting isn't it? have picked up lots of tips, so thanks j&j!

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