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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Worried about my son

72 replies

Blossomflowers · 17/01/2015 17:10

#This not really a relationship issue but this thread gets lots of traffic and need some urgent advice..
So just found a letter adressed to my son that has been hand delivered.
" X stay out of my field. Anything else gets stolen or damaged, Ill be up your house and cripple you for life you pathetic piece of shit. Merry Xmas you fucking little cunt"
I feel sick my son is 14, my boy is good and did admit to going to this mans field ( he is in his 40's) in the summer as he was growing canabis and did admit to pinching a bit but said he had not been near there since. I don't know what do. Have not shown my son the letter

OP posts:

Original poster

Blossomflowers · 19/01/2015 18:09

sunny yes he is out of the village hidden away, I only know about it because kids found out, not sure how they know, maybe he was dealing to them, umm that kind of makes sense. I need to do a bit more digging me thinks, I am worried.

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pinkfrocks · 19/01/2015 18:12

You don't need to show your son the letter or the precise content but you can tell him there has been a letter come to the house and see what he says.

What this man has done is wrong but I doubt your son is as innocent as you seem to think

SunnyBaudelaire · 19/01/2015 18:13

no you do not need to do any digging you need to phone crimestoppers. Your son could be in bigger shit that you realise.

Original poster

Blossomflowers · 19/01/2015 18:14

pink I need to let my son go into the village they all gather outside pub/bus shelter you know how it is. He does not into the village that often but I need to allow a bit of freedom. I hate the fact the good majority of kids smoke around here. Sadly some are on a lot worse, it is a bit problem

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pinkfrocks · 19/01/2015 18:15

You seem incredibly worried but not willing to talk to him or to the police. Can't help you anymore I'm afraid.

Original poster

Blossomflowers · 19/01/2015 18:19

I am going to talk to him tonight, see if I can get to the bottom of things.Only found the letter at the weekend, think it has been sitting there a while.

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BoomBoomsCousin · 19/01/2015 19:08

Blossom how do you know about the letter he sent to the other boy? Would speaking with that boy's parents and get a bit more support in handling both the concerns with your sons and the threat from this man?

(I don't think this should stop you moving forward talking to your own son or the police, but maybe it could be another avenue that provides you with some support in what is obviously a worrying situation).

Original poster

Blossomflowers · 19/01/2015 20:36

boom I know about the letter as my son told me about it.I only found our letter this weekend.
Have had a talk with Ds tonight and told him he has put this through our letter box, it seems quite a few people know about the growing, word seems to travel fast. DS has promised me that he has not been anywhere near the place since our conversation in the summer, I actually believe him. Now to decice what to do.

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Somethingtodo · 20/01/2015 11:45

Go to the police - their remit is to manage the situation not escalate it. Bring the letter - there are simple forensics which may determine where it is from.

The bully may have been robbed since and is wrongly accusing your child....

Original poster

Blossomflowers · 20/01/2015 11:58

something thanks I think you are right but it is worrying as he knows where we live. Seems some boys from next village have found this mans stash. He probably thinks my DS and his friend responsible. I have told DS about letter and he wanted to go to see this man and defend himself, I have told him to keep away.

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getthefeckouttahere · 20/01/2015 12:13

May i offer you my experience (Det Sgt for 20+ years)

If you go to the police they will act in relation to the drugs. (commercial production of drugs outside is unheard of/impossible in the uk.) The grower will guess that they were tipped of and may or may not apportion blame to your son. However as it seems to be fairly common knowledge what he is up to then many people could be responsible for the tip off. Much more general here but it is unlikely that he will be prosecuted unless he is caught on the premises. No they won't do surveillance until someones there unless we are talking about a HUGE factory. (unlikely) Cannabis factories are extremely common these days.

If you take the letter to the police then they are left with a dilemma. If they arrest the man then obviously your son is outed as a 'grass' and liable to retribution. However given that he is being threatened with violence now a failure to act may well result in harm to him anyway. My guess and experience is that they will act and arrest him, partly as an arse covering exercise, and because experience shows that this usually but not always, puts an end to the matter. The police will not be able to protect your son from retribution. It is highly unlikely that the person concerned even if found guilty of either offence would go to prison so your son will have to learn to live with this problem for the rest of his childhood.

I cannot tell you to go to the police or otherwise. You have to make that decision. I hope the above helps you.

The further point is that your son is indulging in risky behaviour.

Drug Taking
Drug stealing and the obvious risk that carries. Criminals can and do use violence. This is not the stuff of the TV drama. Your son if he continues down this path will come unstuck at some point.

I would be very sceptical of what your son says about this matter. I doubt he visited just once. Criminals are quite adept at knowing whats going on and who is doing what.

What would i do?

Show son the letter.
Explain the consequences of his behaviour and for that reason his life as he knows it is now over as i am going to run his life for a while to get him back on track.
Go and see criminal and tell him that i have his letter and while he may think he's big time charlie i have been around the block a few times and point out the consequences for him should my son be attacked. (i accept this may be easier for me as i am not intimidated by criminals but fairly adept at intimidating them)
Tell him that if his factory is still operating in one month i will be taking the local police to it.

Hissy · 20/01/2015 14:20

What would i do?

This. I'd not sit at home and quiver if someone came to my house with that letter, i'd definitely pay him a polite visit. he might be good at scaring teenagers, but he can FTFO if he thinks he can scare an adult. The Prick

BoomBoomsCousin · 20/01/2015 14:20

getthefeck - Could the police actually arrest him for the letter? I've been trying to think what offence there is for threats of violence that fall short of threats to kill.

Original poster

Blossomflowers · 20/01/2015 14:35

getthefeck thank you for your measured advice. I have told DS about letter and he is worried, said he was an idiot to go there. He is a good boy essentially but needs to be controlled for a bit more you are right about that. My X is intending to pay the man a visit some time soon. Not sure if he is growing atm, using heated greenhouse, poly tunnels, small time stuff compared what police are used to, but will bide my time about reporting. He is not going to get away with it.

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Somethingtodo · 20/01/2015 15:10

If your X approaches this thug - he should not take the letter with him...this is evidence and thug may destroy it.

pinkfrocks · 20/01/2015 15:14

I think your son needs to be read the riot act never mind the letter!
You seem to be handling him with kid gloves whereas he needs a jolly good bollocking for behaving like an idiot and bringing all of this on him and his family.

You have clearly been talking to people in your village or to your son because each time you post there is a bit more information coming out.

Either ignore it all and make him promise to never ever go there again ( presumably the threat only stands if he goes back to this guy's garden) OR be grown up about it and either go and see him yourself or send a burly bloke to do the talking.

But start being more annoyed with your son.

Original poster

Blossomflowers · 20/01/2015 16:07

DS was read the riot act in the Summer and was grounded, so already been punished, so no kid gloves here. Not talked to anyone about it in the village, X will be going to talk to the idiot and hopefully will be the end of it. Can't stop other kids going into the field not garden btw which I think has happened. DS has accepted it was a very very stupid thing to do and has not happened since the summer and has made him very nervous to go into the village now.

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MinceSpy · 20/01/2015 16:34

Is the cannabis being grown for medical use or is it an illegal crop?

pinkfrocks · 20/01/2015 16:35

Did your son tell you about the letters others had got and what was going on now then?

If other teens are still doing this and there is a chance your son may be blamed along with them, then you need to tell the police- and if it's that small a village then you surely need to talk to the other parents.
In our village this is the kind of thing that would be tackled by the local Bobby who is our contact and he'd call a meeting in the village hall etc and talk to families.

Original poster

Blossomflowers · 20/01/2015 17:15

Mince and illegal crop.

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getthefeckouttahere · 20/01/2015 17:58

Boom boom off ghettos of my head S1 malicious communications act 1988. (I'd have to double check it though. Retirement dulls the brain!!!)

BoomBoomsCousin · 20/01/2015 18:57

Thank you get.

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