Has online dating made it more difficult?

[dontcallnotdating]

As my username suggests, I'm off dating for the foreseeable and concentrating on being happily single. But I have a theory that rather than making it easier to find a relationship, online dating has actually made it much more difficult.

There seems, from my experiences, to be a glut of commitment-phobic mid thirties men, who know they can just move on to the next woman as soon as they are bored. People just don't seem to have staying power anymore.

"I can only speak for myself, mademan, but I'm a bloody brilliant conversationalist"

I don't doubt it for a second. I take it then that by giving up the booze your Russian accent is off the cards?

Good conversation is essential to me; if someone can't confidently talk face to face then I'm not interested at all.

As Helena says, it is lazy to only phone text or message people via social media.

Well sadly the Russian accent is no more. I do have a new addiction to lattes with three brown sugars. But at least I'm unlikely to go home with randoms after one too many lattes.

Weirdly, I'm still in contact with the date I did the Russian accent with. Waves at Tory boy if you're reading

I should probably stop dragging up your Russian impressions thing, Dont, but will you be mentioning it in your book?

Oh it's in the book. It's one of my finest moments

Nice!

Do people really go up to strangers in bars and talk to them?

I do, Trills, when I'm drunk. It's never led to a relationship mind.

"Do people really go up to strangers in bars and talk to them?"

I'd never get served a drink if I didn't.

:o - bar staff are not quite the sort of stranger I had in mind.

I don't talk to strangers in pubs. I think you have to be very confident to so that!

On my last date I started chatting to a table of four men while my date was in the toilet. It didn't lead to another date. Funny that.

Come to think of it, maybe I was the online after that everyone should be wary of!

Though in all seriousness, I'm not proud of that behaviour - which is why I quit both drinking and online dating. They were part of a set of very unhealthy behaviours for me.

After should read dater

By the sound of it, nobody can accuse you of being boring though, Dont.

No I'm definitely not boring. I'm just the right side of normal if I stick to lattes

Sorry you've had some bad experiences. I have done it for a year, met around 20 men and had 2 three/four month relationships (both of which I ended due to feeling we were not quite right for eachother) and currently in early stages of (hopefully) new relationship. Most men I've met have been lovely. I only go for men who seem really genuine, want children (as if like more), state they are looking for relationship/longterm etc. Generally mid to late 30s or early 40s. I have found it a generally good experience although I think you have to accept it is something of a rollercoaster of emotions and have regular breaks from it.

I just don't see myself in a relationship from it. I don't.

Hi guys.

In a fit of new year madness I just stumped up £50 and rejoined match.com.

Wish I had saved my cash :(

I am 41 and would love to meet someone and cannot see how else I will. Put it this way, I was single for six years. Yes six years. Without even so much as a sniff of interest from a member of the opposite sex.

I am not physically repulsive, I have good chat, I have a job, yet managed to go about my business quite happily without ever piquing the interest of a member of the opposite sex. For six years.

So at the start of 2013 I joined match and almost immediately met a man who I thought was lovely and we were together for seven months till he went totally cold on me with no explanation.

I tried again and for the next year had several casual dating type things and one relationship who turned out to be a very strange man. Anyway.diceded to try again and match is still full of the same guys I remember from what is now two years ago.

Also I am two years older so it seems dead in OLD terms as all the guys my age are looking for women 5-20 years younger.... I still feel young but seem to be considered over the hill and only get interest from men in their fifties and sixties ( and on one memorable occasion eighties!)

I totally agree that it is full of men who are permanently on OLD rather than using it to meet someone to have a relationship with they are using it as an easy way to meet as many women as possible. It must be like a sweet shop for men!!

A guy from work said it is just full of pouting selfies... (Although I would prefer that to the top off shot which instantly puts me off

It is depressing, Gilmoregirl. I'm 34, but haven't found it much better tbh. My ex also disappeared on me without explanation. I think if you are committed to it, you'll eventually meet someone. I just can't be bothered with the heartache.

I joined and cancelled match about three times when I was wavering about it. You have a 14 day cooling off period to cancel completely and get your money back.

I met my husband online. There are genuine people out there, it's just sorting out the wheat from the chaff

I sometimes think a combine harvester would be needed to sort out that OD wheat field; I gave up using a sickle.

Quite ladies, more like scorched earth in my case!

I did not know about the 14 Day cooling off period on match thank you.

Going to ask for my money back right now. From what I have seen so far what is on offer is not worth £50

Where I live match is the only site with any volume of men on it. I have tried guardian soul mates (about 20 in my city) and eharmony where it is hard yo say how man but clearly very few.

If only I could meet the man of my dreams in a rom com meet cute.

Sounds like a good plan to get money back from Match gilmore. I have just used the free ones (OKcupid and POF) but you have to screen massively and you get a lot of rubbish/unsuitable messages. As least with the free ones you aren't out of pocket. I've had lots of nice dates from them though and the 2 guys I went out with were both lovely (even if not right for me) so it has been really positive in all.

gilmoregirl my experience is very similar to yours. I joined Guardian Soulmates & OK Cupid, but left the latter quite quickly as there seemed to be a lot of players on it. I messaged three men on GSM who ignored me; one lovely chap who decided he wasn't yet over his divorce (possibly true, who knows); all of the ones who have viewed my profile are 10 -15 years older than me. I f*cking hate the sense of entitlement that having a penis seems to confer! I just check in once a week now, and it's the same old faces on there.

A guy 12 years older messaged me this week with a comment about my profile which it seemed rude to ignore, so I messaged him back. When he stated that he was outside of my preferred age range, I sent a tactful reply back, agreeing & wishing him well. He then accused me of being patronising and ageist! My next reply was nowhere near as tactful . I think once my six months subscription is up on GSM, I might give Muddy Matches a try (I live in a rural area), but I'm inclined to forget about the whole thing. Thing is, I tried a Meetup group before Christmas and hated it

Oh dear...so if I'm in my 50s I'll might get interest from men 20 years older?

I'm not interested in dating atm - too busy getting divorced However I wouldn't rule out OD in the future - I just think it's probably a question of picking the right site...minefield ahead

I got interest from a vast range of ages, from 22 to 70!! The number I was actually interested in was miniscule. The number who were decent, a few - but none where there was an attraction.