Is your Partner/Husband romantic?

[HermoineWeasley]

Hello,

I have been a relationship for over a year now and my partner not being romantic is starting to get to me abit.

He is such a sweet, loyal guy who treats me like the only girl in the world for him.

He has never mentioned any other women, accept for his mother and sisters in front of my presence, he pays for our dinners etc but thats about it really.

He buys me roses etc. But thats it too.

I wanted to go to Harry Potter world, so he told me he'd take me for my birthday. He realised for a day trip, it'd cost alot of money so opted out of taking me and saying it was ''upto me'' if i still wanted to go. I was abit annoyed so I said it doesn't matter and left it.

He hasn't gone out of his way for me, but me being a romantic sort, will go see him, if i see something that reminds me of him, I'd buy it etc but I've stopped myself doing that now because I don't get it from him.

I think he's just very hard-nosed. He's on a 50k job but he's really careful with his money. He and his family were really poor when he was younger so I can why he is the way he is.

But I know he cares for me alot. When I was poorly, he went out of his way to look after me and buy me medicine and drinks to make me feel better.

He just doesn't seem to know what romance or wooing a girl entails.

I am his first relationship by the way so i don't know whether that matters. I just think you are either romantic or not.

I think you are expecting a bit much TBH. I would have considered flowers as being romantic. I would take a man who looks after me when I'm ill, and treats me well all the time, over someone who can do the flash gestures any day.

Looking after you with a red snoty nose, to me is romance. A day out at Harry Potter world is splashing the cash.

What do you mean by romance? To be lavished with expensive gifts?

I think he sounds great - looking after you when you're ill is lovely.

Grand romantic gestures aren't all that - my exh did a very romantic trip for my birthday, just before he started shagging someone else - so it's not always a guarantee that someone loves you...

I think you are confusing romance and generosity OP?!

Do you mean he isn't as generous with money as you would like him to be?

It's his first relationship? I think he's doing fine.

Romantic varies from person to person too. No offence intended, but Harry Potter World just wouldn't do it for me.

"He's on a 50k job but he's really careful with his money"

Agree with the PP... This is the bit you don't like. It's possible to be romantic without spending money, of course, but if he's not a generous person, that'll get on your nerves eventually.

My ex spent a lot more money on me than my current DP, and he earned a lot less... I struggle with the fact my DP can be a bit tight with his money, as I used to do the same as you - buy him litle things that reminded me of him etc.

Now I have stopped that a bit, I spend that money on something I would like. DP doesn't seem to notice/care, but I love having spare cash for that magazine or haircut!!

If he buys you roses and dinner, I'd say that's pretty good. I know what you're looking for, though, the creativity and random spark... I think some men are just better at in that other. But like moonfacebaby said above - guys who spend the cash and wow you arent necesarily ones to keep. And in the long run you will care less about a random trip to Paris than a sold, decent guy who has never let you down when you are ill or has never made you feel inadequate. My 'generous' ex cheated on me, too. Be wary of wanting a lot of glamour - decency in other ways is far more important.

"He just doesn't seem to know what romance or wooing a girl entails."

Wut? Are we living in the 18th Century?

Five pints of snakebite and black and a drunken fumble in the cloakroom of an indie disco was enough to 'woo' me. We've been together, quite happily romance-free for 12 years. Find all that flowers/chocs/dating/gifts lark quite vom inducing, creepy and patronising. If I want something, I'll get it myself! [Beyonce fingersnap]

Having said that, Harry Potter Studio thingy IS awesome. If you want to go that badly, save up, get a cheapy coach deal and go with a mate!

Yes, you are certainly confusing romantic & generous. He buys you flowers & cares for you when you're unwell, sounds like a decent guy to me.

You seem to be confusing romance with him spending money. I think it's romantic when my OH brings home McDonalds so I don't have to cook! I'd feel totally spoilt by flowers! having said that I'd also be happy to never have flowers if he could remember to take the bins out!

He sounds like he is being romantic, if you want to go to harry Potter World so badly, why not spit it? Do you buy him things?

You come across as quite young. R u after a sugar daddy or an equal partner?

Thoughtfulness is soooooo much more romantic than generic flowers/ chocolate/ jewellery.
He was shocked by the cost of HP so he left it up to you. This means he is careful BUT not outright controlling. He realised it's important to you but is more than his budgeted expenditure.

Honestly. It sounds very balanced really.

I agree with the others, there's a big difference between romance and generosity.

I don't appreciate the usual idea of romance, such as flowers, waste of money to me.

To me romantic gifts are my partner knowing I'd like a wheel barrow, or a shed, or to visit the first Little chef that Heston improved.

Romantic behavious are the crux of daily affirmation of our love. It's him knowing when I come in a hot drink is appreciated, or running a bath, or sending me a photo of the cartoon in the paper I like. The little things that make you know you're thought of.

Others don't understand me as he does. He's proved that time and time again.

Someone posted about the Five love languages the other day on here. It is very useful to understand your own preferences. I am completely won over by Acts of Service whle my XH liked to give amazing (but unwanted) Gifts. My DP now is perfect for me as he is always doing little useful jobs for me and making my life easier and vice versa.
Have a look OP and see what suits you then have a conversation with your BF about it. He sounds sweet! But meanness is a deal breaker for me I'm afraid.

I have just looked up the price of the studio tour in London and it is £31. I think I would baulk at that too to be honest. That is a lot of money but then again he does earn £50k. If you were expecting him to fund a hotel, meals, drinks and a pressie on top of that then yabu.

Totally agree with Joysmum it's the daily kindness that someone shows you, not big romantic gestures.

Dh makes me a cup of tea daily but in 18 years he has bought me flowers about 5 times but he sent me his last rolo through the post (big romantic gesture)

We don't buy each other gifts for Christmas or birthdays but throughout the year when it makes more impact, not deliberately but our wants are few.

The fact that he looked after you when you were ill means he's a keeper.

I think he sounds very romantic. In twenty five years of marriage I have had flowers only on big occasions like giving birth or major anniversaries. I consider the fac this DH makes my breakfast every day romantic and tells me he loves me. You want him to be more generous. You sound grabby to me.

I've been with DH for fifteen years and his lack of romantic spontaneity and gestures have always bugged me. I've spoken to him about it enough times but have given up!

I think what upsets me most is that he KNOWS how much I would love to be bought surprise flowers, or to be whisked away on a romantic weekend, but he just, I feel, can't be ARSED to go out of his way to do something that he knows would mean the world to me.

I looked at the language of love types, and while I show love grouch gifts, he shows it through sex and doing practical stuff around the house. It helps knowing that.

What I will say is that dh is really steady, trustworthy, loving and faithful. He's an amazing dad. We get on like a house on fire and share the same sense of humour. So you have to weigh up the good with the bad.

I do console myself too that there is an inverse proportion towards a tendency to do romantic gestures and actual fidelity!

He just doesn't seem to know what romance or wooing a girl entails.

What do you think romance is? What do you think 'wooing a girl entails'?

There's no one size fits all answer to this, I would imaginne my idea of romance, and what would 'woo' me is very different to you.

So for example, if a man turned up with flowers and chocolates, it would put me off. It lacks imagination.

Little gifts annoy me too. It's just 'stuff', and stuff annoys me. It just ends up being something i have to find a place for!

The languages of love thing is really good. My exh would score highly on the gift one, I score equally on words and touch.

Skeppers

OP Apart from buying him little gifts, which you don't do any more, what do you do for him that is romantic?

Awww, he sounds lovely. :)

My DH is there for me when I'm ill, lets me sleep in, watches shows he doesn't want to watch just because he knows I like the company.

Recently a terrible strain of d&v hit our house and as I watched him at 3 a.m., groggily helping me change our covered (from head to toes) in vomit toddler as our older boy ran downstairs for the toilet yet again, and as he turned to me and sais "you're pregnant and tired, go back to sleep. I can do this", I thought "yes. This is what Prince Charming looks like."

He sounds lovely, cheerful ! :)

My dh never buys card for birthday anniversary or present. He says you've got me what more do you want and he is right. He is generous to a fault he loves me so much in ways that matter cup of coffee in bed every morning foot massages helps around the house. But not romantic in the slightest but think I prefer being loved to having romantic gestures been married 17 years.