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Original poster

Ex says he doesnt have to pay maintenance as I get tax credits..

39 replies

LynseyPynsey · 13/01/2015 13:54

Long time lurker, first time poster. Thought I would ask for some advice. I'm a 21 year old single mother to my son who will be 2 next week.was I currently work full time in a trainee position so currently only earn around £13K a year. I receive CTC and WTC which both go towards paying my sons £970 a month nursery fees.

I also moved back in with my mother when I split with my sons dad last May as the council wouldn't house me as I'm not a priority and private renting is very expensive (think £900+ p/m for a 2 bed unfurnished flat in a not so nice area)
I currently pay my mum £200 a month board and also top up gas and electric on an as and when needed basis and also keep the flat stocked with food. I share a bedroom with my son.

My sons dad sees him when work permits, he normally has him 2 days out of every 10. This can be any day of the week as he works shifts. He works shifts and earns around £35k a year. He stays in the 3 bedroom his parents helped us buy when we were still together, mortgage is around £550 a month.

Ex claims that because I get CTC, WTC and child benefit for our son that he doesn't have to pay me maintenece. He said he would rather quit his job than pay me money.

Am I being unreasonable in wanting to receive maintenance money? I don't NEED it right now but I was hoping to somehow move out of my mums place at some point and would definitely need the extra money. He does sometimes buy clothes but the majority falls to me. Any advice?

OP posts:
LadyBlaBlah · 13/01/2015 13:58

Of course he is talking utter shit

He has to pay maintenance

Contact the CSA and get them on it - why should you pay for everything - he made him too

bloodyteenagers · 13/01/2015 14:01

Of course it's his responsibility to pay for his child.
Call his bluff and put in a claim to child support. If he quits his
Job he is a complete twit
Who will find himself with nothing cos he won't get a penny in benefits.

rollmeover · 13/01/2015 14:02

Off course he has to pay!

He's not giving you money its for your son.

I would write down/email all the related expenses to do with bringing up a child and then ask him what sort of man or father doesnt want to contribute to his own childs upbringing.

What are his parents like? Arent they mortified that their son isnt contributing?

Original poster
LynseyPynsey · 13/01/2015 14:06

His parents live a 5hr drive away so don't see us very often, he has no family in the city we live in. I'd imagine they don't know he doesn't pay. I'm sure when he takes our son to visit he plays dad of the year. Family are very well off, gave ex £40k as a house deposit last year.

OP posts:
dirtybadger · 13/01/2015 14:07

Contact CSA. Get the ball rolling asap, save it if you don't need to move out yet. Sounds like you live in the SE so the money will be needed when you decide to get your own space for you and DS.

I'll eat my hat if he quits his job.

Thank God your DC is too young to understand what his dads saying. The state contribute more than his own father, and he's said, essentially "I'd rather have no money than give any to my son". What a dick.

2015betterbegood · 13/01/2015 14:08

Yeah, that's bollocks!

God this makes me so angry and I do speak from personal experience. I mean, he's his ds too! Why on earth wouldn't he want to make sure that he has everything that he needs?!

I've had to battle with my ex (dd's dad) ever since we split 2 years a go and it's only just started to settle down. We've finally agreed on a monthly amount, but I still have to give him a nudge to remind him that our dd is still his financial responsibility, just as much as she is mine. I don't get it, cos I know he loves her to pieces and he wouldn't want her to go without, so why on earth I have to go through this every month, I have no idea!

OP, you probably don't want to go down the CSA route, but you really do need to.

Good luck!

Joysmum · 13/01/2015 14:09

Yep, call his bluff.

HerRoyalNotness · 13/01/2015 14:10

What PPs said. Even if he does quit his job, you'll be no worse off as he doesn't pay now.

If you don't need it now, put it in savings for moving out, or for a future time when you will need it.

Original poster
LynseyPynsey · 13/01/2015 14:12

Not quite as bad as SE, we are in Scotland. Have been on CMS website and it mentions mediation first I can't imagine ex cooperating.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 13/01/2015 14:18

Of course he has to pay maintenance. He's being a tosser.

"He said he would rather quit his job than pay me money."
Call his bluff. Even if he did quit his job, you'd be no worse off and he could look forward to an impoverished life.

"His parents live a 5hr drive away so don't see us very often, he has no family in the city we live in. I'd imagine they don't know he doesn't pay. I'm sure when he takes our son to visit he plays dad of the year."
I'd probably contact them and drop him right in it let them know that you're so worried he'll mess up his career prospects by carrying out his threat. Really sugar coat it, 'I know he's no longer my responsibility but he is the father of my son and I don't want him to do something he'll regret later blah blah blah'.

SolidGoldBrass · 13/01/2015 14:21

Even if you were earning three times as much as him he would still be legally obliged to pay maintenance for his child. It doesn't matter whether the mother needs the money or not. Ignore what he says and get on to the CSA.

HootyMcTooty · 13/01/2015 14:25

He's talking absolute shit. Put in a claim for maintenance. If he quits his job and you don't get a penny, well you won't be any worse off than you are now, because he's already paying nothing.

BitchPeas · 13/01/2015 14:30

He's talking shit.

Don't tell him you're going to do it, just call the CSA and start a claim.

NettleTea · 13/01/2015 14:37

yep, maintenance is not dependant upon your income... he is legally obliged to pay so get onto CSA right now.
Was he abusive, if so you can refuse to mediate.
Say you need them to collect for you because you wont trust him to keep up payments.
I have heard of them making him pay the same amount whether he gives up his job or not - they take such a dim view of men doing this.

Also have you checked the 'entitled to' website - you may get help with housing as a single parent, and are you claiming the childcare element of tax credits to help with nursery fees?

Hturner1987 · 13/01/2015 14:38

Yes he definitely has to pay maintenance and have you looked into private rent with housing benefit? You would almost certainly get most of your rent paid. Hope your ex stops being an arse soon!!

Original poster
LynseyPynsey · 13/01/2015 14:47

I have looked into housing benefit and it I was entitled to around £100 a week but when I went to discuss it with a housing officer at the council and she went through the calculator with me she said I wasn't entitled to anything

OP posts:
Original poster
LynseyPynsey · 13/01/2015 14:48

And yes I already get childcare element of WTC however it will be dropping my almost half come April (was on maternity leave for half of each of the last 2 tax years so only earned £8000)

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 13/01/2015 16:10

If you want a response to his silly statement it is 'nice try'. Do involve the CSA or equivalent. This person is never going to step up to the plate voluntarily and you've got years of this.

stickingpoint2 · 13/01/2015 16:19

I had this with my ex. He said 'he knew I was cheating the system' he wrote to HMRC. They responded with doing Fuck and All.
He is convinced that my tax credits would have then been reduced (they weren't) and STILL bangs on about 'whether I've learned to declare my income'. He is a tosser who apparently can't use the internet for research yet works in web support / design.
CM payments are for children.

iloverunning36 · 13/01/2015 17:02

When you say the house his parents helped us buy do you mean your name is on mortgage? Maybe worth a half hour free solicitor appt.

Hturner1987 · 13/01/2015 17:21

If you are only earning 13k a year you should definitely be entitled to housing benefit? www.entitledto.co.uk

Got this website and check your entitlement hun x

Quitelikely · 13/01/2015 17:22

Is your name on the mortgage?

Ilovefluffysheep · 13/01/2015 17:38

Everyone else has said what I was going to.

He is trying it on, and talking out of his bottom!

Bet you he doesn't resign, he is just trying to get out of paying. Men like that really piss me off.

HootyMcTooty · 13/01/2015 17:41

Isn't there a lower age limit for housing benefit these days?

kaykayred · 13/01/2015 17:45

E-mail about it saying you think he is wrong, and actually he does need to contribute to the welfare and raising of his son.

Whatever bullshit he replies back about rather quitting his job, forward to his parents.

What a loser!

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