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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What would you think?

46 replies

amibeinghorrible · 12/01/2015 17:16

Ok I have been with H for 12 years and we have 1 ds. I have ALWAYS been the only earner as he just couldn't keep jobs, always some excuse, didn't like the way he was treated etc!! Anyway my job was what I thought to be a safe job and was well paid that was until the Company went bust and I lost my job. Straight away I found something else but was P/T but did it as I had all the household bills etc to pay, this is whilst he made no attempt to help.
He has now been offered something only part time and in his words a job which he would love to do as it would be like a hobby, but it is only P/T, no contract etc and I feel after all this time he needs to grow up and start helping me look after our family instead of leaving it to me!
My job is a rolling contract so can end after a few months. I just feel like he cant see he needs to get serious.

Am I being horrible?

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 12/01/2015 17:19

eh ?

What does he bring to the table exactly ?

AnyFucker · 12/01/2015 17:20

How old is ds and does your husband take a serious role of sahp ?

Original poster

amibeinghorrible · 12/01/2015 17:21

Mmm, not money!

I just feel he gets huffy when I enter into the real life stuff that goes on like paying the mortgage etc, in fact im not even sure he knows how much per month the house costs! Must ask him that!!

OP posts:

Jan45 · 12/01/2015 17:22

I couldn't spend one night with a man that behaved this way; what a sad excuse for a husband and father, you really need to tell him he either gets a job or ships out.

Laughing at him saying he fancies this job cos it'd be like a hobby.....my god, what an easy life he has.

He's horrible and a total embarrassment I'd imagine.

Original poster

amibeinghorrible · 12/01/2015 17:22

DS is 7, I still do all the chores unless I specifically state I want him to do something that day! He does usually cook dinner, mainly as it saves waiting around for me to get home to do it.

OP posts:

NaiceNickname · 12/01/2015 17:23

I'd think he was a lazy, immature, cocklodging git and I'd also think nothing of leaving for someone who was prepared to work hard and provide for the family he presumably had no problem dropping his trousers to create. But if you're prepared to continue carrying him through life then he has no reason to change, and why would he want to? He's got it pretty cushy!

Only1scoop · 12/01/2015 17:24

What a lazy ass you live with.

I'm afraid I'd have zero respect there.

comedancing · 12/01/2015 17:25

Unless he is minding your ds he is definitely better working at this part time job than nothing..maybe it will kick start him. Make sure you plan finances with him in case he thinks its pocket money for himself. Saying that its hard to have respect for someone who makes no effort to work. Will ye lose benefits if he takes on this job especially if he only stays there a short while landing you back in it again. Does he have mental health issues that cause him to fight with others at work.

Original poster

amibeinghorrible · 12/01/2015 17:29

ComeDancing - No Mental Health probs as such, but he smokes weed and I believe this contributes to it as he get agitated without it over period of times.

Im ashamed to say that I am a mug and have just grown used to it but for whatever reason now it really boils my blood!

OP posts:

NaiceNickname · 12/01/2015 17:32

I take it you pay for his drug habit too?

something2say · 12/01/2015 17:34

It would boil my blood too. You are supporting a free loader and no one gets away scott free in this life.....and it pisses you off because it's fundamentally not right....

Greenrememberedhills · 12/01/2015 17:39

"He smokes weed".

And there you have it.

HootyMcTooty · 12/01/2015 17:50

I'm afraid he's a cocklodger and in stepping up and providing for your family in every way, you've enabled this to continue for far too long.

What is it that keeps you in this relationship?

borisgudanov · 12/01/2015 17:52

What a waste of space. Kick him into the street immediately.

Twinklestein · 12/01/2015 17:55

Why are with this lamentable specimen? Do you think you couldn't do better? I have no doubt you could.

AnyFucker · 12/01/2015 18:01

Yes, you are a mug and he is a freeloader

it would really be best if you ended this sorry excuse for a relationship as your ds is learning some terribly damaging lessons here

dirtybadger · 12/01/2015 18:05

What does he do all day? Isn't he bloody bored? Sounds like a lazy arse.

Original poster

amibeinghorrible · 12/01/2015 20:31

You are all right, I have just always been used too it and I know it has too stop!!

He comes and goes all day, tele, shops,tele just whatever really, no real routine.

If he does some odd jobs he will pay for his own drugs, I NEVER buy this for him.

OP posts:

penguinchat · 12/01/2015 23:07

Oh my goodness! Why are you in this relationship? What's in it for you???!

GoatsDoRoam · 13/01/2015 08:43

I find it sad - and very telling - that in your OP and in your username you ask if YOU are being horrible.

How little you must think you are worth.
How little you expect of those who share your life.

No, OP, you are not being "horrible" by beginning to glimpse the truth that the man who lives in your house is a pathetic cocklodging waste of space who sponges off you and is unwilling to act like a grown-ass man.

What are you going to do about it?

wallaby73 · 13/01/2015 10:45

Sweet FA, i sadly suspect. Great role model for your DS, he will grow up thinking this is what men "do"; also this is what women do - grumble, be unhappy, unfulfilled and a dogsbody but ultimately do nothing about it, OP you sound resigned. You "know" it can't go on but it will won't it? Just inagine dad passing DS a joint when he's 14 or thereabouts. This is the future xx

Original poster

amibeinghorrible · 13/01/2015 17:18

Thanks everyone, I really don't know what to do anymore, I think I have probably become reliant on this person and shamingly a bit scared to change things.
Of course I know I would have more freedom, money etc but im scared I end up lonely out of it.
Im not sure to give him this chance to see if he can hold onto the job and pay up or just move on.

OP posts:

HootyMcTooty · 13/01/2015 17:20

You sound fairly lonely now OP.

AnyFucker · 13/01/2015 17:24

nothing is going to change, op, except you getting more and more ground down and dependent on someone who only has his selfish interests at heart

Original poster

amibeinghorrible · 13/01/2015 17:27

I know, I never imagined I would be this way, when I was late teens, early 20s, I was very outgoing, sociable, and independent! I kind of feel a shadow of me.
I am meeting a friend for lunch and I am going to trust in her and speak with her also, see what she thinks as she knows both of us well, although me for longer.

OP posts:

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