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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How would your life be different if you'd stayed with your ex?

59 replies

TiffanyAtBreakfast · 08/01/2015 01:19

Facebook 'suggested' that I might like to add my ex as a friend today, so I had a cursory glance at his profile (nothing but grumpy statuses and old photos) and I suddenly thought to myself how different my entire life would have been if I'd married him and not my DH.

Six years down the line... For starters I would probably still be living in the city where we went to university, which made me unhappy as I much prefer the quiet suburbs. I'd be playing second fiddle (hah) to his bloody violin which he adored and prioritised above all else.
We'd probably be married but not happily, because of a) the lack of any kind of sex life and b) the jealous rages.
God - I would still be begging for permission and having to justify any nights out I wanted to go on with friends/family.

Thank god my instincts were right when I completely freaked out at the idea of moving in with him when he asked me. The arguments about it led to our eventual break up. Needless to say I'm happy now where I belong, with my DH.

Just wondered what others' lives might have been like if they'd stayed with their exes? Purely speculating, of course.

OP posts:
Redhead11 · 09/01/2015 07:59

I would undoubtedly still be suffering from severe IBS, heartburn after eating or drinking anything (including water) living on my nerves, waiting for him to come home pissed - again - and possible sinking back into depression.

While I would have stayed married through thick and thin, just like i had vowed to do, getting divorced has actually made me healthier and happier!

I still wish XH lots of bad luck! Grin

Pippinlongsocks · 09/01/2015 08:31

Miserable and probably on anti depressants to numb the feeling of a loss of all hope. Sounds dramatic but true unfortunately. I've met a man who is showing me how much nicer life is when you are part of the same team. This didn't happen before I had spent some time by myself recovering my peace of mind, sense of freedom and general happiness at my lot in life by making a new life for me and my DD. I still can't believe I made it out. Feel so lucky.

Northumberlandlass · 09/01/2015 08:36

My marriage only ended a week ago (my decision). But I am reading these & smiling as this has been the hardest week of my life and you lovely ladies are giving me hope Smile

bluebell345 · 09/01/2015 08:54

He was an alcoholic and getting more and more violent both emotionally and physically. I think he would probably kill me by now if I didn't leave.

Theoldhag · 09/01/2015 09:35

I think that I would be either staying at her majesties hotel for murder by nightshade berries or in a padded cell. He was a hugely controlling and abusive 'man' from the time we had children. The years before were fine when I was perusing my career.

I thank the universe every day for my life now, the strength to leave such a 'man', enjoy a few years being single and having met my 'soulmate' three years ago.

Thank you universe Wine Thanks

Theoldhag · 09/01/2015 09:37

North well done you (((hug)))

Onwards and upwards Smile

Be kind to yourself and all the best for a bright future.

Northumberlandlass · 09/01/2015 09:44

Thank you Theo Smile
I have a mountain to climb and self esteem to rebuild but I am determined to do it x

NotSayingImBatman · 09/01/2015 09:57

I'd be mortgage free in a large house with a nice car, lots of travel with two cute as buttons, curly haired little moppets with names like Tilly and Jemina.

He was sweet but the clash of beliefs (he was very Christian, I am very not) and general whinging would have driven me demented by now.

I'll stick with DH, crippling mortgage and two stinky boys, thank you!

KouignAmann · 09/01/2015 09:58

Ha! If I hadn't left I would still be living in my beautiful old house in a pretty town with a selfish man who expected me to run a five star hotel for him and pander to his moods. I would still be the brittle and resentful person snapping and growling at everyone struggling to maintain my perfect life. When I fell off the pedestal I found my heart again. Life is fun now!

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