Please bare with me. This might take a while to explain. My husband and I have a 18 month old little girl. Things haven't been going well for a long time. We've moved town, moved house three times, I left my job and we moved for DH's job. I've been a SAHM and have found the last few months quite stressful, everything has been getting to me. DH hasn't been very supportive and we were arguing a lot where admittedly I'd end up shouting at him. There was no affection between us, living like flat mates and after one argument DH moved out saying he couldn't be in this relationship anymore. I thought it would be for a few days but it turned into a few months.He came home to see DD regularly but we got in each others way a lot and ended up arguing a lot. We argue over little things but we ALWAYS end up having a huge row. We've had couples counselling which hasn't really done anything - the situation has just got worse. He says we need to talk more - he seems to want me to make a promise that I won't shout at him anymore. When something is upsetting me I need to vent (not only about him but whatever is upsetting me). I need to talk about the problem, resolve it then move on. But we seem to come from completely different view points. So if I say I'm not happy with something (even if it's not related to him) he acts like it's a personal attack on him and usually ends up siding with the other thing/person. It's fair to say there is not emotional support from him. And sometimes he seems to want to control my behaviour, almost bully me into things and doesn't like or accept what I say or feel. When you are feeling so down to begin with you really need support from a partner not someone that disagrees the whole time.
It hasn't always been like this but having a baby has put big strain on our relationship. I am so confused and feel very guilty about DD growing up with divorced parents. DH said he was looking for a flat of his own before xmas. Since then in arguments I've said he should move out only to panic and change my mind a few hours later and try to hug him/show love in affectionate way as I don't know what else to do but he's completely shut down - has admitted he can't be affectionate anymore unless we have a serious discussions on where our relationship is going?? But when we talk about that he just says 'he can't stay in this current situation' and offers nothing else. I've said let's work on things, let's start acting like a couple again etc but he can't do it because his lack of affection. So we are going round in circle after circle. I feel like we are both living in limbo, and trapped in this crappy situation. I admit a few months ago I was shouting in front of DD and decided I never want to do that again. But now DH is doing it, slamming doors, shouting when he is holding her, not holding back at all. I've asked him not to do it and he just replies with 'you're a fine one to talk' etc This relationship is so dysfunctional and in so many ways I hate what he is doing right now. At the same time I want to try my best to make things work because it wasn't always like this. I believe you have to work to make a relationship work. I'm scared of giving up as I think we'll both regret it in the future. But then he's putting so much emphasise on me and not really giving anything back. I am exhausted, so confused, angry and heartbroken at the same time. Can anymore relate or suggest anything. I'm feeling so lost right now. Thank you.