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Relationships

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Original poster

Could you be with someone thats cheated in the past?

69 replies

AQuestionForYou · 06/01/2015 22:42

Just that really. I've been with a guy for about 9 months. Its bothered me all this time that a week before his wedding to his ex he got oral sex from someone else. Only recently did I find out that his ex found out because the woman told her, not because he did. It also seems that he denied it at the start and dismissed it as rumours.

I'm not completely in the clear, when I was a teenager I kissed another, it wasn't planned, I was very young, in an abusive relationship and wasn't ever going to marry the horrible guy so it feels slightly different considering he arranged this meet up, was late 20's and had been with this woman for 4 years. His excuse was that they generally cheated on each other and it became a bit of an eye for an eye situation. But hey, maybe its not that different really.

Has anyone here had a successful, faithful relationship with someone with a history of cheating?

OP posts:

kaykayred · 07/01/2015 21:47

Judging by your latest update, you should drop this man faster than a potato which has caught fire in the microwave.

Jealous and possessive? Because HE was a cheating scumbag?

Red flags R us.

His ex was probably trying to help you, but for some reason you describe her as trying to "stir up trouble". Why is that? Maybe because he has been bad mouthing her? She is entitled to be furious at him and want to let other women know. He got sucked off a week before their wedding for fucks sake, and then didn't even have the balls to come clean about it. Not to her, and certainly not to you. Nine months is plenty of time for him to have told you about this.

If you stay with him then more fool you, to be honest.

AnyFucker · 07/01/2015 22:15

Indeed kay

in fact I wouldn't touch him with anyone else's bargepole, not even Fell's

Sallystyle · 07/01/2015 22:24

Someone with a "history" of cheating never stops cheating

Well no one told me that! I cheated in my first marriage.. married to my husband almost 10 years and have been completely faithful because I have grown up and never want to hurt someone I love like that again.

That statement is just bullshit! Loads of people cheat once and never do it again. Loads carry on cheating as well. I think there is a difference between a serial cheater and one who did it once at a low point and learned from it. No, it isn't ok, but I won't assume all cheaters cheat again and I am prove of that.

I could date a cheater if it was a long time ago, if they felt remorseful and seemed like a genuinely decent person. If they cheated in their 20's and were now in their 40's it wouldn't worry me but if it was only a few years ago I would be less likely to risk it.

I once stole from the shops but grew up.. I once did a lot of things in my early 20's that I wouldn't do in my mid 30's. People fuck up and people can change.

However, I would be less likely to date someone who cheated a week before they got married. And with your last update that would steal the deal for me.

Sallystyle · 07/01/2015 22:28

So for all the people who think once a cheat always a cheat do you think those who have admitted to cheating in the past but are in now long term marriages where they haven't cheated are lying or that you think eventually they will cheat?

AnyFucker · 07/01/2015 22:29

Why do respondents keep detailing completely different scenarios to the op, and then agreeing after all this particular cheater is bad news after all ?

Sallystyle · 07/01/2015 22:29

proof not prove

Sallystyle · 07/01/2015 22:31

Because so many people have came on to say that ALL cheaters will carry on cheating despite the circumstances AnyFucker

If people kept their comments to the OP's situation and didn't say every single person out there who cheated in the past will do so again no one would need to point out that they are wrong and give their story.

AnyFucker · 07/01/2015 22:46

Well, if they have a problem with people not directly addressing the op's situation, two wrongs don't make a right

morethanpotatoprints · 07/01/2015 23:25

There are two types of people those capable of cheating and lying and those who aren't.
People who have cheated go through life cheating and lying in some respect, it may not be unfaithfulness to a partner.
Surely, its better to stay away from those who re capable of doing this, by definition they aren't trustworthy.

AmantesSuntAmentes · 08/01/2015 01:34

That's exactly what my ex told me. Then eventually, he did it to me too.

AmantesSuntAmentes · 08/01/2015 01:39

The way I see it, some people have the capacity to cheat and others just don't, i.e. never have and never will. I know which I'd rather trust.

AndreaKaren123 · 08/01/2015 13:21

If you have a gut feeling about it .... go with that.
Once a chest always a cheat. Unless there is a man out there willing to do anything to make amends.
Best get out now... before too much more heart ache . Sorry x

LovesPeace · 08/01/2015 13:45

The best guide to future behaviour is past behaviour.

Also known as 'lying, selfish snakes don't change'!

ClockwiseCat · 08/01/2015 16:18

No. Cheating involves crossing a line that can't be uncrossed. I would always know he had been willing to cheat and would never trust him.

Surreyblah · 08/01/2015 16:24

No way. He sounds unsavoury. As well as the pre wedding bj he has all but admitted cheating numerous times in that relationship, allegedly they both did but you only have his word for it.

overslept · 08/01/2015 16:41

I wouldn't go anywhere near this man, he sounds revolting. I'm not a saint, I kissed somebody else when in a relationship when I was a teenager, but I wouldn't go near him. I think there is a difference between teenage mistakes/kissing than actual sex or sexual acts. The fact it was a week before his wedding shows he has no concept of commitment or adult relationships.

emmelinelucas · 08/01/2015 17:22

LTB.
My DH was married for 30 years. His wife was the Church Warden. She was very. very good friends with the vicar. Vicar also became best friends with my now DH. Of course he became friends with him. Sneak.
They were very good friends, went to the wedding renewal vows blessing thing that the vicar had with his wife.
They had been having an affair - the Church Warden and the Vicar for about 3 years . He left his Parish suddenly, but has another in the County. About 2 years after the blessing that the vicar the had with his wife.
Basically, even if you are a Vicar you can cheat and still keep things hunky dory.
They can never trust each other - how could they ?
I don't mean to derail, I just think that I couldn't be with such a cheat. There is messing about. And being, well, messy.
Don't go there, OP.

ZanyMobster · 08/01/2015 22:02

I cheated on my XH for 3 days with my now DH. Our marriage was pretty awful and I don't know why I just couldn't end it. As soon as I was with DH I realised I had to end my marriage so I did straight away.

I have never and would never cheat on DH, we have been together 10 years now. Even when my XH was vile to me cheating never crossed my mind, I fell in love with DH but didnt act upon it till those last 3 days. I then just told XH and he moved out.

I do disagree with once a cheater always a cheater in all cases but it does depend on the person and situation, I have been out with a few guys who have never and probably would never be faithful in a relationship.

ZanyMobster · 08/01/2015 22:07

I should have said that cheating a week before a wedding is really awful and it would probably ring alarm bells but still he may have changed.

Even worse than a week before the wedding, my friend was seeing someone who was supposedly separated from his DW, they went out one night together and it was the first night he had stayed at her house and she later found out his wife was in hospital after giving birth to their DS, they were very much still together.

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