help me figure out what's wrong with me

[Newyearsameold]

I feel awful. I'm a regular namechanger on here, as I feel like i want a safe space. I got dumped twice in 2014 after v intense relationships. I'm so so lonely.

Had a date this week, got ridiculously drunk - was v embarrassing and attention seeking. Talked to everyone everywhere (think I was trying to show my date how popular I was) and ended up staying at his. He clearly doesn't want to know now - v distant texts.

I'm not interested really, just feel rejected, hugely rejected. I keep crying, not about him, about my exes and being a single parent and being crap at my job, at my relationships, at my life. I'm very flat. Feel cheap and pathetic and embarrassed. I rarely drink but when I do, I'm a total fool.

Hi OP
What sort of weekend did you have? Did you;

1. Dive?
2. Survive?
3. Thrive?

How is it all going?

Hi deserttrek, somewhere between 2 and 3 I think - thank you for thinking of me.

I had one small glass of prosecco at a fashion show night I attended with my friend and that was it. Today I took my dds to a playcentre and met up with other single parents. I've tried not to think of dating at all and I've lowered my expectations for now. Instead of chasing happiness, I'm going for gentle calm.

Hope your weekend was good too!

Lets hope I can keep this up. The ads work when I don't drink much.

Hoping I can settle into a new equilibrium. Not dating has left a void.

Hi Newyear. If you're who I think you are (and if so I won't out you) - you have dodged some serious bullets with regard to men.

I want to make it right. I want to do everything right and make a man stay this time.
..well you can't make anything right and make someone stay. It doesn't matter how pretty, or lively, or clever, or whatever thing you are or try to be: if a person doesn't want you they won't stay, and you can't make them stay. That's a hard thing to face, when you've been the best and most appealing you can, and the answer's still 'no'.

But, again, if you're the person I think you are, you REALLY didn't need those men in your life. They weren't good men.

Here's my suggestion. Instead of steadfastly Not Dating, can you try to go on outings or find interests where you make friends with people? So you're still getting out and enjoying yourself. As well as lifting your spirits, I think it would really help if you could have a few new friends, and if some of those new friends were male.

If you don't have many male friends now, I think it would help you gain some new perspectives, and have fun without the pressure of dating.

Trackrbird, I think getting out and meeting people might be good. I do enjoy meeting new people and making friends.

On one level I also know that those men were very bad news. I am starting to think now that my behaviour arose from insecurity when I sensed they'd cooled. But it provided a convenient get out clause for them. The first man declared undying love and dumped me by text, over a text. The second...couldn't even be bothered to dump me. Just vanished.

I had a fairly sedate weekend and feel better for it - but I will try to get out and make friends, especially male friends where there's no agenda. I'm trying hard to avoid social situations with alcohol for the time being, at least till I'm stronger.