When do you cut off financial support for offspring?

[Poppyflowe]

Following on (and not wanting to hijack) the thread about middle-aged children's stress and financial burden on their parents - when do you expect to end financial support for your children?

My dc are both at uni and bleeding us dry with the eldest due to graduate (on track for a 2i from a RG uni and with loads of work experience ).

She would love to work in London, where she thinks graduate salaries would be between 18 and 22k if she gets a job. She seemed surprised when I said I didn't then expect to keep supporting her (I would like to start winding down to retirement from my very stressful job).

But, that's not enough to live on for her, is it?

I'm interested in knowing what is the view of others' here - either if you are or have been in the same situation as my dc, or are a parent yourself.

We are comfortable, not super wealthy, and both dh and I work long, busy, irregular hours which enables us to have be generous with the dc (who both will have student loans to repay).

Tribeca I was the same and now aged 30 I have been self supporting for 13 years, I thank my dad for it now because so many of my friends still see their parents as a buffer. I'd be well pissed off if my middle aged kids were wanting me to pick up the pieces every 5 minutes it's so childish.

I couldn't afford to live alone in my early twenties but was desperate to leave home so I ended up getting into a relationship which put a roof over my head.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, if I had the means I would definitely support my daughter after she left home as much as I possibly could, and that includes frivolous things like her lifestyle and I would do this so that she didn't feel that pairing up with someone was something she was supposed to do, or was coerced into doing. I very much believe now that young women are supposed to work and enjoy life in their twenties, living alone, not lumbered with a partner and other financial problems.

I would also be more than happy for her to live at home with me for as long as she needed to, as this would mean she'd have more money to save or spend on herself.

I've always made it clear to mine that there was never going to be a 'bank of mum and dad'. We will provide practical help while we can (Child care and DIY stuff), but not money. Adults pay their own way and go without a social life and holidays if necessary.

We would provide a meal and a bed in an emergency for them and theirs and some extras for GC. MIL did pay for a few swimming lessons and buy school photographs when we were struggling young parents. I would do similar. If DC needed cash urgently for a washing machine, car repairs or new tyres I would provide a short term loan but I would want it repaid.

The people we know who are constantly bailing adult children started out by wanting to give their DC what they had for free. They wanted DC to leave university debt free/have a few care free years.

Sakura nobody can afford to live alone when they first graduate and move to London - that's why everyone lives in house shares, student style, for a few more years if London is where they land in their first job.

MrTumbles

Perhaps alone in this context means without getting into serious relationships rather than being physically alone?

My DD has worked in London since graduation. Most of the time she carried on renting with others so living pretty much a student life style while working full time. When she got fed up with having house mates she rented a bedsit on her own. The downside is now she can't save enough to get on the housing ladder in London.

I didn't only house share - I room shared for years in my 20's when I lived in London! I will support my dc (and am supporting them) while in f/t education, now at Uni. I will not fund their holidays or social life, but will make sure they have a roof over their head and food. They do borrow money but have all paid me back. They have student loans but I do contribute to their housing costs. They know that I have plans for their rooms once they have left home

"I couldn't afford to live alone in my early twenties but was desperate to leave home so I ended up getting into a relationship which put a roof over my head"

That's a shame that you ended up in that situation Sakura, but it's not what most people do, and it's certainly not the case that young women need to be "lumbered with a partner" in order to move out of their parents' house and be independent.

I have one at Uni still and one (early 20's) now working and living in London. The one in London shares a 2 bed very tiny flat in a not so great part of London and that costs £1,500 a month. Living expenses there costs a fortune and once all bills are paid has very little left. We still pay for their mobile phone and the odd train ticket or treat now and again but is pretty much independent now...thank goodness! I will add that they earn a very good salary at the moment but in a field which is notoriously up and down so previously to this we helped fund them a lot.
The one at Uni works whenever he's back home during the holidays but that's all and we help financially during term time. Hopefully when he graduates he be able to fully support himself....hopefully!
I think children get more expensive as they get older...the Uni years are very expensive!