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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He has gone!!

42 replies

AndreaKaren123 · 05/01/2015 16:02

Yesterday morning he dropped me off at work for 08.00. He said that he was going to the gym...
I texted him a bit later asking him if he could do some thing for me in the house.... He had looked at his message but no reply.
Later on I texted him again... asking him to explain about what he had meant about some thing that he said in the car...
11.30 ish he sends me a text... he has moved out... I ask him to come and pick me up from work so that we can talk... he said, no sorry I have gone.
I come out of work... walk as fast as i can home... TV gone, shoes, clothes, coat hangers, socks all gone ...
I know that things between us had been difficult. But on the 1st January 2015 we chattered and every thing appeared to be back on track as far as I concerned...
To dump me on a text... and to move out ....

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/01/2015 16:05

Oh dear, what a cowardly thing to do! Sorry you've been dumped so unceremoniously but maybe if things had been difficult, you'll eventually look back and think you had a lucky escape. How long had you been together? Was it serious?

Original poster

AndreaKaren123 · 05/01/2015 16:52

We had been together 18 months. We lived together ....

OP posts:

MaudWilsonsPoodle · 05/01/2015 17:00

Mine disappeared after 10 years. I didn't even get a text. They're just cowards. Move on; you can do better.

littleleftie · 05/01/2015 17:04

My uncle told my aunt he was going out for some milk and drove to Cornwall (where OW was waiting for him) - left my little cousin sitting there waiting for his daddy to come back.

Some people are just cowards. Better to find out now than when you are in my poor aunts position.

2015 will be a better year for you.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/01/2015 17:07

Do you have some friends or family you can talk to or be with? I was once dumped via a note left on the kitchen table... it's like being punched in the stomach, isn't it?

AnyFucker · 05/01/2015 17:24

I am sorry it's ended this way but going off your previous posts on here it does seem to be for the best

SoleSource · 05/01/2015 17:25

Coward. Inadequate.

jessmay · 05/01/2015 18:12

This happenned to me after 5 years, more or less, he just left and was gone within a few minutes of telling me. We hadn't had difficult times between us at all that I knew of. It's really horrible to deal with and live with :/ I'm so sorry

jessmay · 05/01/2015 18:13

Actually, I think I overstated there. He said he was going but I didn't really understand what he meant. The news he had actually left permanently came 6 days later by text message after me spending the week wondering where he was and frantically calling friends and family.

Sorry about your note on the kitchen table Cogito, that's horrible.

BlueBrightBlue · 05/01/2015 18:28

OP, that is awful. what a bloody coward!
I had a partner who would regularly disappear, discovered he'd done this many times before.
Can I ask; did he seem too good to be true?
Do you know where he might have gone?

HonoraryOctonaut · 05/01/2015 18:36

I was seeing someone for about 12 months. I had 2 children at the time and had 50/50 residency so he would stay for the half of the week when they weren't there. He hadn't met them but he proposed and as things had seemed to have progressed to the right stage we decided he should meet the DC.

So we all went out for dinner. Got as far as ordering, when he decided that actually he wasn't in the right mood for this, got up and walked out. Just as the food arrived. I had to ask them to bag it up so we could take it home as I really wasn't in the mood to stay and eat. Decided on having it whilst watching a film with the DC, walked back, to find his keys on the coffee table, my engagement ring gone from my jewellery box and a note saying he didn't like my children and wouldn't be back! He was only around them for literally 10 minutes and they were behaving.

What a lucky escape.

HonoraryOctonaut · 05/01/2015 18:38

My dad left my mum by leaving a note on the shelf.

We were going on holiday that morning and my poor mum had to carry on and take us by herself. By the time we got home he had cleared out all his stuff.

woowoo22 · 05/01/2015 18:41

HonoraryOctonaut that is very very scary. Did you have any indication he was such a weirdo?

OP I hope you're okay. Very cowardly of him.

BlueBrightBlue · 05/01/2015 18:46

HonoraryOctonaut , did you have any inkling he was odd?
Count your blessings.
There are some funny fuckers in this World aren't there?

HonestLie · 05/01/2015 18:51

I left a relationship without a word once. We had no DC and I found out he was living a double life. I didn't need closure and I didn't feel it necessary to hang around and give him an explanation after his own deception. Is there anything big you have been keeping from him?

If not he's a jackass!

CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/01/2015 18:54

The main thing I'm taking from your story HonoraryOctonaut is that if you'd worn the engagement ring to the dinner he couldn't have thieved it! .... terrible grasping person that I am

Are you OK OP?

BlueBrightBlue · 05/01/2015 18:59

OP were you wearing your engagement ring?
Rather think you were not as DC's were yet to meet him and this would have been a bit of a shock for them.
Seriously, why would you accept an offer of an engagement/ proposal before your dp met your kids?
If I date anyone I make sure they know I have children and don't keep any secrets from them.

Deserttrek · 05/01/2015 19:19

If he cannot talk to you face to face. Be complete with you and break properly. Then he is immature, and may remain so. I think you have had a lucky escape.

HonoraryOctonaut · 05/01/2015 19:26

I wasn't wearing the engagement ring as I had decided to see how it went with the DC for a good while before committing myself. It was so pretty though. I was mainly gutted that he took it back! He had seemed perfectly normal until then. It was years ago now so I just think of him as a lucky escape! I hadn't wanted him to meet the DC before as I didn't want them to get used to someone being around before I was sure he was staying around. Could've saved myself wasting a year if I had introduced them earlier

Worst thing about that night was the fact that my take away had leaked on the way home and was inedible!

I did hear from him a few times after that, he left flowers on my door step and grew a beard saying he wouldn't shave it off until I took him back. I didn't even see him again. With the beard and the number if red flags floating around him he could've passed for Father Christmas!!

Fmlgirl · 05/01/2015 19:27

The same thing happened to me once. He finished with me in an email and as I came home from work all his stuff was gone. It's not fair but they have clocked out of tw relationship a long time ago. You will need time to process things. There's also a possibility that there is someone else.

Original poster

AndreaKaren123 · 05/01/2015 19:27

CogitoErgoSometimes yes it is.
No one to off load to just you kind people on here

OP posts:

BlueBrightBlue · 05/01/2015 19:33

Don't ever, ever consider taking him back.

Original poster

AndreaKaren123 · 05/01/2015 19:36

I had a gut feeling back in April . He never made any effort to mend what I was thinking .... but on new years day we spoke about things... and as I thought started again putting our relationship back on track.
When he sent me the text he said some things where a burden . My dogs. Finances. My son not doing anything in the house etc
Terrible it is

OP posts:

MissWimpyDimple · 05/01/2015 19:39

I was dumped by note too. I was away with work and when came back he had left a note and gone!

He did however try and back track- saying he had only meant to "scare" me. I held him to it though.

something2say · 05/01/2015 19:42

I don't get the idea of deciding to put things back on track. Either they get there by themselves, or it isn't working. One surely doesn't decide to get back on track. I think, if you weren't happy with him, and now this, then he has revealed himself to be a dick.

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