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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

He has gone!!

42 replies

AndreaKaren123 · 05/01/2015 16:02

Yesterday morning he dropped me off at work for 08.00. He said that he was going to the gym...
I texted him a bit later asking him if he could do some thing for me in the house.... He had looked at his message but no reply.
Later on I texted him again... asking him to explain about what he had meant about some thing that he said in the car...
11.30 ish he sends me a text... he has moved out... I ask him to come and pick me up from work so that we can talk... he said, no sorry I have gone.
I come out of work... walk as fast as i can home... TV gone, shoes, clothes, coat hangers, socks all gone ...
I know that things between us had been difficult. But on the 1st January 2015 we chattered and every thing appeared to be back on track as far as I concerned...
To dump me on a text... and to move out ....

OP posts:

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AndreaKaren123 · 08/01/2015 08:42

Your right .... I think he has been planning this for some time.
He sent me a text last night ... first one.... saying he has a clear conscious. ....
I need to check other bills now.... scared to even think about the rent .
Sorry for your hurt when you went to your gig x

OP posts:

BlueBrightBlue · 07/01/2015 19:09

Andrea, if you can afford to, cut your losses.
The more you chase him for money etc, the more heartache you'll feel.

justjuanmorebeer · 07/01/2015 09:57

I broke up with an ex I lived with years ago after a period if him promising to make things better and then continuously being a dick.
I ended it after a final row and then we agreed to stay in our rented (joint names) house until the contract was up in 4 months time but to sleep in separate rooms.

I went out to a gig to return to a house stripped of my entire cd collection, all my books, the majority of his stuff but he'd left me with rooms full of crap to dispose of and 3 cats that were his to start with.

Not a penny was paid towards outstanding rent and bills and he already owed me 1k and relied on me to support him through his degree.

I now know he was simply a cocklodger and a terrible boyfriend. Well rid.

Some people are just twats and it sounds like you have had a lucky escape too. Sorry it has happened to you. What are the financial implications for you OP?

peasandlove · 07/01/2015 09:26

perhaps you'd better check all your bills have been paid. Check bank accounts and everything. He's probably being planning this for a while

AndreaKaren123 · 07/01/2015 09:20

You certainly see their true colours. .... They cannot even reply to a message ..... sad

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AndreaKaren123 · 07/01/2015 09:18

Yesterday I found out the sky bill had not been paid. .. so I am thinking now that the rent also has not been paid....
I have sent numerous texts asking for my stuff that he took back..... but nothing . Not a word from him .......

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NorthLDNgal · 06/01/2015 23:18

Something similar happened to me just over 2 months ago. DP of 5 years came home from work, packed a bag and left to stay with a friend. Received only 2 emails to my work email address about him picking his things up. NOt heard from him since he moved out.

It hurts, and even though I thought I'd feel better after 2 months it's still hard to deal with. Grief I suppose. But I then think he was a coward for ending it in that way and not giving me the respect of a conversation after 5 years, 1 of which I supported him during a year long period of unemployment. After 5 months employment his confidence had gone up and he felt he could move out. Add to that his best friends in Australia, whose wedding we went to earlier in the year, deleted me on Facebook. You really do get a sense of people and sometimes it's better when we find out sooner rather than later.

BlueBrightBlue · 06/01/2015 21:13

LovesPeace, why can't you send him packing?

LovesPeace · 06/01/2015 16:15

You're lucky OP.
I wished my ex/loser would vanish - but I had to force him (whining and bleating) to sign the letter ending our joint tenancy.

AndreaKaren123 · 06/01/2015 07:12

Sorry did not mean to put this in twice

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AndreaKaren123 · 06/01/2015 07:11

Thank you for you comments x
I know exactly what you mean ..... Scrambledeggandtoast happened to me .........

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AndreaKaren123 · 06/01/2015 07:09

Thank you both .... x
Scrambledeggandtoast .... I know exactly where you are coming from ... happened to me also .......

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ScrambledEggAndToast · 05/01/2015 21:50

I was once dumped after I woke up in the middle of the night to find my boyfriend had done a runner What made it worse was we'd dtd twice that night before he ran off, I've never felt so cheap. He'd obviously planned to get in a last couple of shags before making his move.

AnyFucker · 05/01/2015 20:34

He has done you a favour, love. It doesn't seem like that now, but it is true

He is just one man

The world is full of 'em. Nothing special about him. He's just a common or garden inadequate one.

AndreaKaren123 · 05/01/2015 20:16

AnyFucker no things where not right ...just like something to say said .. getting back on track .... I believed and trusted him ... He would of said if need didn't want me... That is what he said ..... what a fool I am again ....

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 05/01/2015 20:02

he didn't "pass as normal" up to that point though

ImperialBlether · 05/01/2015 19:47

I can't count the number of threads on here where I've wished and wished that this would happen; some of the men are so fucking horrible that it would be like winning the lottery to find he'd done a runner.

It's awful, though, if you've had no inkling anything's wrong and if he's passed as a normal and nice person up to that point.

something2say · 05/01/2015 19:42

I don't get the idea of deciding to put things back on track. Either they get there by themselves, or it isn't working. One surely doesn't decide to get back on track. I think, if you weren't happy with him, and now this, then he has revealed himself to be a dick.

MissWimpyDimple · 05/01/2015 19:39

I was dumped by note too. I was away with work and when came back he had left a note and gone!

He did however try and back track- saying he had only meant to "scare" me. I held him to it though.

AndreaKaren123 · 05/01/2015 19:36

I had a gut feeling back in April . He never made any effort to mend what I was thinking .... but on new years day we spoke about things... and as I thought started again putting our relationship back on track.
When he sent me the text he said some things where a burden . My dogs. Finances. My son not doing anything in the house etc
Terrible it is

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BlueBrightBlue · 05/01/2015 19:33

Don't ever, ever consider taking him back.

AndreaKaren123 · 05/01/2015 19:27

CogitoErgoSometimes yes it is.
No one to off load to just you kind people on here

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Fmlgirl · 05/01/2015 19:27

The same thing happened to me once. He finished with me in an email and as I came home from work all his stuff was gone. It's not fair but they have clocked out of tw relationship a long time ago. You will need time to process things. There's also a possibility that there is someone else.

HonoraryOctonaut · 05/01/2015 19:26

I wasn't wearing the engagement ring as I had decided to see how it went with the DC for a good while before committing myself. It was so pretty though. I was mainly gutted that he took it back! He had seemed perfectly normal until then. It was years ago now so I just think of him as a lucky escape! I hadn't wanted him to meet the DC before as I didn't want them to get used to someone being around before I was sure he was staying around. Could've saved myself wasting a year if I had introduced them earlier

Worst thing about that night was the fact that my take away had leaked on the way home and was inedible!

I did hear from him a few times after that, he left flowers on my door step and grew a beard saying he wouldn't shave it off until I took him back. I didn't even see him again. With the beard and the number if red flags floating around him he could've passed for Father Christmas!!

Deserttrek · 05/01/2015 19:19

If he cannot talk to you face to face. Be complete with you and break properly. Then he is immature, and may remain so. I think you have had a lucky escape.

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