Sorry this is so very long but all objective advice/opinions appreciated.
I have a very small family indeed (husband, one son, mother, one sister and 3 neices and nephews). We all live in the same small town and all see each other almost daily.
My sister(aged 44) is a single parent with 3 children (21, 8 and 6) from two marriages. She has had a very chequered history with men but is generally a good, responsible parent at heart, although this story suggests otherwise... Since her last marriage ended in 2002 she has always maintained that she does not intend to be alone for ever, wanting to find a soul mate for herself as well as someone to share in family life with her and the children. Her youngest two children see their father quite regularly although he is not a particularly good parent and still has a very bad relationship with my sister.
Since 2002 she has had several boyfriends (internet, met incidentially on nights out etc) who have lasted for varying periods of time, not all of whom she has introduced to her children. About 4 of them have been introduced to her children and, bless them, they have always accepted them with childlike innocence readily and without any problems. The relationships have petered out for various reasons; sometimes down to my sister and sometimes down to the man. In every case the children have been very fond of the men and have lost them from their lives.
In mid June this year my sister met a new man, Tim. He lives in a town some 150 miles away from us. Things very quickly became very serious between them. He is a childless divorcee and 3 years younger than my sister. He apparently has a good, well paid job and owns his own home outright. She met his parents after knowing him for only 3 days and they were apparently extremely welcoming and kind to both her two youngest children. Within a fortnight they had invited the children to stay for a week during the summer hols and they apparently had a fantastic time with them and were very kind to them. The children have now grown very fond of both them (already call them Nana and Grandpa) and Tim.
A few weeks ago now (around 2 and a half months after my sister and Tim met)it came out through the children that they were going to be moving away to live with Tim. To cut a long story very short, we've since discovered that Tim is planning to buy a new 5 bedroomed house to accommodate them all and is willing to put my sister's name on the deeds to offer her security. She lives in rented council accommodation (which she incidentially feels is too small for her family) so has nothing to bring to the relationship and will clearly have to lose her home when she moves away. She is taking the children away from their environment, their home, family, school, friends, father and everything they've ever known. She has only ever met up with Tim at weekends and we are all very concerned that she really doesn't know him very well at all, not him her. They seem very "loved-up" (understandably at this stage) and (also understandably) she says they "don't envisage the relationship going wrong".
Both my mother and I have told my sister that we can't support her in her decision to take teh children and leave when she hasn't really tested the relationship with Tim and has had such a chequered past with men. We feel that she should act more responsibly where her childrens' interests and feelings are concerned. My mother has said to her that if she leaves she will only be prepared to see the children in the future and not my sister. I feel extremely frustrated, upset, angry and powerless to do anything to stop my sister despite having talked to her at length and expressed all my concerns which she simply dismisses as "being negative".
She argues that the deal with the house is far too good to miss and that Tim is offering security, has many qualities, is kind to the children, can offer the children another set of grandparents and generally "ticks all the boxes" on her wish list. She argues that the area he lives in has more to offer the children (debatable in my view)and that she is acting in the best intersts of the children who will have a far better life if they all go to live with Tim. She also argues that children are extremely adapatable to change and will settle well and make new friends quickly. She says they're looking forward to it but we wonder if they're really aware of the full implications of the move.
Are we wrong to challenge her? Do you think she is right to make this hasty move or do you agree with us that she should slow down and tread more cautiously than she is? She is telling us we are just being ridiculous and negative.
Help....!