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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

my friend fancies my dh

74 replies

paraniodwife · 19/04/2004 14:42

I have a friend who is an amazing flirt.She has no partner at the moment and has just moved into her own place.Keeps asking my dh to do jobs for her.The other night she said to him in front of me that if he wasn't married to me she would make a move on him.First reaction f####king cheeky cow.My dad left my mum for another woman and this woman used to sniff around my mum telling her how lucky she is and want a great man he was bla bla.Am I right to have my guard up? Has this happened to anyone else.I am a long time poster but have changed my nickname

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Soozi · 01/06/2004 16:03

She knows exactly what she wants - a husband and loving relationship. So the easiest way is to covet what others have. Fio2 is right - she has put ideas into his head but he should have been more mature and ignored it all, especially when you voiced your concerns about it.

She ain't a friend so hopefully she'll move on now that you've dropped her. Unfortunately into some other poor soul's life.

Original poster

paraniodwife · 27/06/2004 15:05

Here,s another update and I feel like I can't win.I took your advice and faded out of her life,her son and mine are best friend though.I had him overnight at the week end and made it at a time when I knew his dad would drop him off.Then She said " I will pick him up in the morning" I said "no I will drop him into you because we are going out".On the sunday when I was in the loo she called and asked again if she needed to pick him up DH said no that was O.K we were going to be dropping him in shortly on our way out.We got there and guess what she came to the door soaking wet in a towell she had just that minute got in the bath.She is so bloody determind I can't belive it.This is the first time she has seen Dh for over a month

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Soulfly · 27/06/2004 15:19

I have just read this thread, oh mmy god!!
If she was any true friend to you, she wouldn't be doing that, even if she did have feelings for your dh, she wouldn't let on to you or him. She is using you to get to him i think, and i wouldn't have anymore contact with her, my blood would be boiling!!

mummytosteven · 27/06/2004 15:26

What a stupid manipulative so and so of a woman! Maybe next time you have to go to hers you could (without letting her know in advance) have a car full of other female friends/relatives and no dh so that if she tries coming to the door in a towel or other similar stunt she looks really, really silly?

Original poster

paraniodwife · 27/06/2004 15:36

and it was a stunt after all I am a woman and could see right through that little number.just can't belive it she really is getting desperate

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coppertop · 27/06/2004 16:08

I love mummytosteven's idea!

You've been a lot more patient than I could have been. If dh really has to be with you next time you need to go to see this person (she's certainly no friend!) then could he not wait in the car? on your behalf!

mummytosteven · 27/06/2004 16:17

Coppertop - I see what you mean about pw's husband not being with her - I had first thought that myself, but then why should pw have to waste valuable time arranging her life so that dh is not with her when "friend" is about - its like saying that "friend" is so irresistible that pw's husband must never be allowed to see her, which is letting "friend" win. It's a pity that pw's kid and friends kid are best friends, and impressive how pw is keen not to let that affect their friendship.

coppertop · 27/06/2004 16:21

Definitely agree with you there, mummytosteven. It's brilliant the way PW isn't letting this get in the way of her ds's friendship. It's a horrible situation to be in.

coppertop · 27/06/2004 16:29

Aaarrggh! Half of my post disappeared! It was also meant to say that I agree with mummytosteven about it not being right that you have to rearrange everything just to stop this woman and your dh seeing each other (in the original sense of the word!)

Must preview before posting....

Original poster

paraniodwife · 28/06/2004 13:03

Oh he was waiting in the car and she came out in her towel to talk to him

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zebra · 28/06/2004 13:08

Jaw drop -- you mean, she came out and stood on the driveway or the roadside in just a towel??

beetroot · 28/06/2004 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Twinkie · 28/06/2004 13:13

I'd ring her and say 'Please don't come to the door in such a state of undress again DS found it really embarrassing and DH made the commment that he finds behaviour like that a little slutty and you wouldn't want that, would you??'

mummytosteven · 28/06/2004 13:15

Not that you are inclined to feel sorry for her, but it does seem amazing that in the two months or so since the thread started "friend" has not moved on and found herself another victim (sorry bloke). Probably not much consolation to you, but imagine being so desperate for attention you have to waft around the pavement in your bath towel!

beetroot · 28/06/2004 13:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Pes · 28/06/2004 13:29

I have read this, NOT paranoidwife, and I can't believe this womans cheek. She came out to the car???? In her towel??? She's bonkers.
I would probably have taken the piss out of her at that point...and kept her standing on the pavement like a prat for as long as possible, bringing any passing neighbours into the conversation as well
Wasn't your dh embarrased??? Surely after that he must think she's a bit of a pathetic joke.
I do admire you for putting your son's freidnship first. Personally I would try to reach a point where I had nothing to do with her. I know its difficult though, and not fault of her ds either. How old is your ds, friendships do tend to change over time, and perhaps could be given a little push.
Is there maybe another friend of your ds who you could include in the group, at least that would take the pressure off you and dh.
Sorry can't think of any more suggestions, I do hope things get better soon

Fio2 · 28/06/2004 13:32

this is sounding more and more like she is the woman off fatal attraction, without the having sex with dh bit. Gawd you must be so angry. Why did your husband not say to her ' go and get some clothes on? arent you cold?' She sounds very desperate and how unfortunate for you to make friends with such a jealous b*h angry on your behalf. You are being very grown up and sensible about this, I just hope it isnt putting any strain on your marriage. If it is I would also be inclined to start trying to limit your sons friendship with her son albeit discretly

Original poster

paraniodwife · 28/06/2004 14:42

she did actually make friends with another mother at the school and she started hanging around with them too.The husband in this couple has cheated on his wife many times and this is why I think she had dropped off with us too and the fact that I kept blowing her out every time she wanted contact.(weekend was first time I had invited her son around since I started this thread).Anyway the man off the other couple actually made a move on her this week and she shit herself.I said well you are a flirt you must have given him the come on and she says no I never.I also said I think that flirting with friends husbands is a dangerous game to play and she should think of DS.I don't think the message will hit home though

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Pes · 28/06/2004 15:32

Hmmm. Well part of the flirting (especially lapdancing etc) is obviously to get attention. Is it that she has a big self esteem problem and thinks that the only way she can get attention is by behaving like this? I have a relative who is like this and the behaviour is so engrained (sp??) now that she'll never change.
But I still think she wants what you have and would steer well clear.

Fio2 · 28/06/2004 15:35

she sounds very immature and tbh from you have said I wouldnt be suprised if her saying the others frioends husband trying it on wasnt a false allegation aswell - if you catch my drift?

lou33 · 28/06/2004 15:56

There's a bunny boiler on the loose.

Tell your dh to tell her to stop it, while he is standing with you, so she knows he isn't doing it without meaning it, iyswim.

spacemonkey · 28/06/2004 16:02

she sounds like jill from nighty night

awful situation PW

ChicPea · 29/06/2004 02:19

Just caught up on this thread. I'm not surprised that she went outside in a towel. Surprised though that she didn't accidentally on purpose drop it. She lapdanced to your DH and another husband at a party and wasn't shy about it so the towel thing is easy peasy. Very pleased that you no longer see her as a friend.
Re: your DH saying he thought about having sex with her when he first met her, I think most men think about having sex with every women they find attractive. It's just the way they think. Doesn't mean anything and it doesn't lead to anything, it's just a fantasy. So don't take this personally, be pleased that he is being honest with you. Now forget all about this silly woman and don't let it affect your marriage or put you in a bad mood with DH. You are happily married, your DH is flattered by the attention - ALL men would be, and that's that.

Original poster

paraniodwife · 29/06/2004 13:58

Thanks chicpea and everyone else that has posted it really has been a help. thank you for your support

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