Don't know why i bother!

[magicgirl79]

Really need a rant!! I feel a complete and utter mug!! My H does not work, I support ALL our household bills etc and we have 1 child, and this is really getting me down and so full of resentment.

He also smokes cannabis daily and drinks beer at night, which he pays for if he does odd jobs, I don't get towards to the house, this is his money.

Anyway he is also very moody, probably due to the drug use, and I know people don't view cannabis as a serious drug but living with someone who smokes a lot means when he has not got it can be awful due to the moodiness.

I also feel I have to ask him when I need to go places and to an extent have to explain where I have been and what I have been doing, almost like he is suspicious, I don't think this is normal.... I feel like a bloody kid not a woman in my late thirties!!

We don't really even do anything together, no holidays unless in this country as I couldn't be with him for a whole week without his cannabis as I would be on edge all the time due to the moods.

Anyway just had to get that out, I know deep down what I must do, but still so scared to make that move to change everyones lives.

It does not really matter in the long term how he will take the news, the fact is that you need to tell him its over and asap to boot. Seek legal advice for your own self too so you know precisely where you stand legally with regards to finances and your child.

I cant really speak to real life people as I don't know who I can trust.

I think I stuck with it for so long as I tried to focus on the positive sides and as sad as this sounds, there were that he wasn't physically violent and didn't cheat on me!! That is so very sad!! Also I think im scared to be alone and if I never meet someone again!! God I sound awful, I don't know how I became like this.

I know someone who has used cannabis for the past 30 years.

They have turned into a forgetful, argumentative, paranoid cunt.

The stuff rots the brain.

Hi Magic, Does the guy know how lucky he is? (i 've got nothing) HE is throwing it all away by being a lazy twat, and dragging you down with him the last 10 years. Get rid of him and I promise you will feel better for it, the future is unwritten. Good luck

Keep writing here.

You've likely put up with this because like many before you who made the same type of relationship error, you thought he would ultimately change. His primary relationship is with cannabis, not you or your child.

Your own boundaries on relationships are very low anyway, what did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. A person not being violent nor a cheat should be your baseline to what is acceptable behaviour in a relationship, you shouldn't feel grateful somehow that he is not violent or a cheat. He still is who he is, a selfish and entitled man who basically suckered you into his life.

How did you become like this is a question you need to ask yourself as well. Did you meet him either when you were very young (teens or late teens) or were in a bad place yourself?. Did you set out to rescue and or save him?.

You stop yourself from meeting someone else if you remain with this person and he will mess up your child's life to boot. You'd be better off apart and you're really alone within this relationship now in any case.

Better to be alone than to be badly accompanied as you are now, he is basically dragging you and your child down with him currently into his pit. You have a choice re him, your child does not.

He won't like it.
You, on the other hand, can only have a better life, as well as your child. You shouldn't be scared to change that.

Get everything in place and then tell him.

Meeting someone else does not matter. You do it all anyway! Yes some company might be nice in the future - but don't worry about that yet. As a previous poster said you are only stopping yourself meeting someone better. You know what better is, otherwise you wouldn't realise this is wrong. I think you will feel so much stronger after the initial changes of him going that you may well reconsider dating for a while. I'm a single parent and although at times it can be lonely, I'd take that over arguments and treading on eggshells any day! Imagine all of your money going on just you and the kids? It might free up a lot more for you and them. Also as others have said, they will be watching your relationship and learning how he can treat you and mentally storing it away for their future. You have the job of deciding if they should aim higher.

He needs to grow up and face his life. If he hasn't done so by his 30's that isn't your fault but he does need to do something about it. The idea he is telling you how to work when he doesn't is frankly him saying he has all of the power. How he thinks this is the case is clearly bizarre but you need to see that you can stand on your own two feet without this bully behind you making you his slave. Maybe it will be what he needs to pull himself together and participate in life?