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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

fiance has left me - shoulder needed !!

68 replies

sunflower74 · 14/10/2006 12:11

moved out and took all of this things. its all my fault i have been feeling really insecure since had baby (now 4 months). we went out lastnight and got v drunk. he pushed me away when we got home for no reason and i sat in my car, rang him and told him i was going to kill myself! ridiculous i know but too late. he has gone back to his parents saying he wants nothing more to do with me and its totally over. our son was staying there and he wont give him back until i see a doctor. they all think i have post natal depression. i do but just havent wanted to admit it. i am going to go to the docs on monday but that wont bring my fiance back! i had everything and have thrown it all away. i dont know what to do....

OP posts:
Original poster
sunflower74 · 14/10/2006 15:13

thanks
the doc just rang and someone is ringing me back to tell me where to go to get some medication. should i tell (ex)fiance or not? if he thinks i am now getting the help he has been telling me to get....?

OP posts:
lulumama · 14/10/2006 15:14

get the meds first ! then calmly call him and tell him situation is in hand...apologise for the suicide threat...he is unlikely to come running back to rekindle things , he's probably scared and confused- you both need time to sort things out and you need to concentrate on getting well......

CreepyCrawlyCarmenere · 14/10/2006 15:16

They may just give you some tranquilisers so you can calm down and have a rest and that will help you to think a bit clearer. Maybe text dp to tell him you have taken steps but possibly avoid talking to him just at the moment in case you get more upset iyswim. Good luck, you have taken the first steps to getting better, things will be ok again.

YeahBat · 14/10/2006 15:19

Could your friend ring your fiance for you? She might be able to chat it through and negotiate seeing your baby without it getting too emotional. The important thing is seeing a healthcare professional, getting yourself started on the road to recovery and keeping in extended daily contact with your baby.
I think it would be extremely unlikely that you would be sectioned. Sectioning is only used in incredibly severe cases, usually where individuals are unable to appreciate how unwell they are. You have acknowledged that you're having problems.
It's going to be OK, eventually. Keep talking. Keep reaching out for help.

Original poster
sunflower74 · 14/10/2006 15:19

i feel like a bit of a fake. i do think i have PND but am i not just suicidal because i am heartbroken that i have lost my whole family in less than 24 hours? does that class as a medical emergency?

OP posts:
tribpot · 14/10/2006 15:20

It certainly warrants immediate help when you are the mother of a small child, sunflower. Don't feel bad about making use of NHS resources at the weekend.

YeahBat · 14/10/2006 15:21

You are NOT a fake.
You deserve help.
Your family has temporarily broken down because you aren't well, that's an emergency. Don't talk yourself out of getting help now.

lulumama · 14/10/2006 15:24

everone i know , myself included, felt 'fake', that;s the low self esteem talking!! you need and deserve help

PND IS AN ILLNESS!

you're doing so well.....

CreepyCrawlyCarmenere · 14/10/2006 15:25

You need the help and support that is out there, it is for people like you, for situations like yours. If I am not mistaken your fiance was a bit freaked out because you mentioned killing yourself, so at some level you are having suicidal thoughts and these are a big indicator of PND. Don't feel bad or a fake.

Original poster
sunflower74 · 14/10/2006 15:26

i just wanted to make sure that i deserved emergency medical care. not sure if deserved is the right word - i just dont want to feel like a time waster or something.

OP posts:
lulumama · 14/10/2006 15:32

you deserve it, it is there..take it and start getting well

Original poster
sunflower74 · 14/10/2006 15:34

am off for emergency appointment now. thanks everyone will post as soon as i return

OP posts:
Tattie100 · 14/10/2006 15:37

You have taken the first steps to getting better - you have done the right thing, don't doubt yourself and back out now, make sure that you look after yourself, do it for your own sake, but also for the sake of your child - you deserve the help, it is THERE in ORDER to help sufferers BECAUSE it is an illness. You have been so brave so far, so don't doubt yourself now.

QueenQuootieSpookypieBee · 14/10/2006 16:01

Hi - Well done for getting help. Dont feel bad for getting emergency help - ive been to out of hours doctors more times that I care to remember to get various things when ive been like you. Never once did anyone meantion sectioning... being depressed isnt being "mad", in my case its an imbalance of hormones/chemicals mixed with stress and greif. Hopefully they will prescribe (sp?) something for immediate effect, and long term. Ive been on diazepam for instant "calming", and anti -depressents and beta blockers for long term. A few times ive gone for sleeping pills on bad nights. Once your DP sees you are getting help, and its not "you" he should be there for you. If you have a printer, print some things off about PND? Its a normal thing to go through, its not a complete character change forever. With medication, you'll get through it. Let him know you are getting help.

As I said, ive been there before... and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

sarahinphuket · 14/10/2006 16:39

hope it went OK sunflower74
I agree with the idea to get your friend to call your partner and get her to chat with him..

Original poster
sunflower74 · 14/10/2006 17:00

hi - am back! everyone was staring at me as i was in tears in waiting room. i suppose i would be the same.

the doc was very thorough and because i hav suffered from depression before and my baby has couple of illnesses and had operation at a few days old - i was 90% likely to suffer from PND.

i got anti-depressants and he gave me 2 diazepam to get me through tonight.

i am looking forward to being me again.
i am starting to feel some sort of anger towards ex-fiance
because the doc has confirmed and now i know that i do have PND - and where is he? i need him now!
when the going gets though eh?

so - thanks you lot. if it werent for you i would have been hanging on til monday for that appointment. thats if i had made it through the night!
i really think yous may have saved my life

Carol
x

OP posts:
lulumama · 14/10/2006 17:02

very well done...you sound more positive already...hope all goes well and you are feeling better soon....very well done on taking that difficult first step.....

Naughtynoonoo · 14/10/2006 17:04

big hugs to you sunflower and well done for going to get help, this is your first step to the road to recovery.

Original poster
sunflower74 · 14/10/2006 17:14

thanks - i am trying to be positive.

obviously am not going to get over my family falling apart in any hurry but time is a healer

x

OP posts:
QueenQuootieSpookypieBee · 14/10/2006 19:56

WELL DONE! Diazepam should work well - I have them sometimes

tribpot · 14/10/2006 20:14

So glad you have got some help - hope you can get a good night's sleep and please, please, be reunited with your son tomorrow!

divastrop · 14/10/2006 21:16

has ur dp been in contact since it happened?if u both had a drink in you then he was probably over-reacting.i hope everything works out for you.

controlfreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaky2 · 14/10/2006 21:22

sorry to read this and dont want to make things even more complicated for you but if you cant sort things out asap re baby with your fiance you should think about getting legal advice from a specialist family solicitor...hth

Greensleeves · 14/10/2006 21:27

Well done

MNers didn't save you today, although I am sure they helped. You have saved yourself from sliding deeper into depression, by being courageous enough to do something positive about it. That's a great thing to have done!

Good luck with your fiance. I hope your family is back together soon.

Tattie100 · 14/10/2006 21:34

yeah, ditto greensleeves. Well done for getting help and I really, really hope that you and your fiance can start to address what has really been going on between you. Please have a restful night and then hopefully see your baby when you are more rested and more calm.... take care