Heartache on New Years Eve..

[Applecrumbling]

Ok, split a few weeks ago. It's tough! Emotional and painful. Anyone else?

Same from me xxx

Happy New Year. Can we remember to update this thread next year? See where we end up?

Im sat here watching fireworks on tv silently sobbing into my shandy

My H left me for a primary school teacher who has had recurring mental health issues. A few days before we were going on holiday she made a malicious allegation to social services. She said I strangled my teenage son as inappropriate chastisement. I also work in a school, the same one my son went to. So I had to attend social services, my son was interviewed separately. The most humiliating moment of my life sitting there waiting to be seen. So the allegation was anonymous, made by a woman, very specific in the alleged injury. Strange that, very unusually for me, I had lost it with my husband maybe a few weeks before that and grabbed him and left a bloody big gash on his neck.and No I have ever even even smacked my children. And when he spoke to her about the social services allegation, just told her as is his way, she stayed silent. And he said to me much later, he thought to himself "hmm I wonder if it was you". And he conveniently has forgotten that conversation. No wonder that particular son wants nothing to do with him. That was the worst of her strikes against the family, there were plenty more.

Good idea Frog, yes. I've read some of your thread previously. Must catch up on it sometime.

It has been 14 years but NYE is hard. It is when (I later found out) his affair with a much much younger woman (think 20 year age gap) began. All I can think of at midnight is that... Despite the fact life has gone on, I have found happiness in other ways and have incredible now grown up children.
to all - the future brings new beginnings and while we cannot erase the past we can find happiness and even more wonderful things in life. Keep strong.

Oh Zebra, how awful that the date has to be such a memorable one.

Yes I'm sure all those old feelings come to the surface at that time.

And I agree, there are plenty of other things in life that bring us joy. I certainly find life is more relaxed at home with just me and the kids. We are not bogged down by his routines, eating late because he works stupid hours. The atmosphere and the laughter and banter was created by the three of us. He was just the bystander.

I have found that now he has left I have taken up again with friends I hadn't seen for ages because I always felt so awful living with the uncertainty and suspicion.

I have got more stuff done at home, decorating etc.

I have learned new things because I've had to. But it's made me stronger. And I realise that actually I don't need a man to do these things.

And the things I can't do? Someone said to me you can pay a builder £150 for a day's work, they will do what you tell them, and you don't have to put up with them for the other 364 days a year. She is long time happily divorced .

Hugs and to everyone having a difficult time this NYE. I split up with my ex 2 years ago, not found another nice guy since, turned 50 3 days ago and feel like my best days are behind me, mum died this year and my dad's gone into a care home due to his dementia and losing his sight. I cared for him at home for a year but couldn't do it any more. Glad this year is over, hoping for better things this year....

Izzie, I've been there love. Our marriage was about 32 years also.

It does get better and he paved the way for a truly wonderful man to step forward.

6 years on my life is so happy.

I am well loved and well blessed.

Nooooo! Nosy! You're best years are still ahead.

I never met my man till I was 56!!!

It's all to come, all to play for.

Never, ever give up!

Thank you Dowser, and so pleased it all worked out for you xx

Izzie I found the same - despite how hard it was, things were peaceful and calmer. There was some sort of relief with it all - I was no longer tiptoeing about trying to 'heal' it all. Looking back now it has been 14 years, I can't imagine things any different - DC and I have created something really special without him. Although we went through a lot of pain, and it took DC a long time to understand it and work it all out for themselves, we have a little family unit and our own traditions. Christmases are so stress free.
I too reconnected with friends and found new friends (especially ones who had been through similar) who I cannot imagine life without. I started a new career which I love and has given me a different sort of purpose and sense of confidence in life.
I've taken my DC on far-away holidays to show them the world and what you can have if you work hard regardless of what kind of family you are from.
cheers to strength and our wonderful children

PS I haven't found another man - haven't put much effort into looking to be honest but I still feel like it could happen. Life is full of surprises. I don't need a man to be happy (cheesy I know) which is a good place to be. If he comes along a happy, relaxed, content woman is waiting

Dowser, that's very sweet of you but to be honest I m just tired of trying now. I used to have a good job in London but got made redundant, moved back to the West Midlands to look after my dad. Can't afford to go back to London as it's so expensive now. Can't find a decent job in the shithole city I live in now, the men round here are erm unsophisticated to say the least. I feel like a square peg in a round hole and don't really want to carry on living. I feel like I've had 50 years, it's enough now...

Nosy, big hugs re your parents. Both my parents got dementia and had to go into care homes eventually. I know how you feel. It took me a long time to get over that. But eventually I could dream of them and they were no longer ill in my dreams. Love you both, mum and dad, you're both well again in a much better place xx

Thank you Zebra. And like you, I'm not sure I could be bothered really with another man. I know it's far too soon for me to say really, but so many people I know have rubbish marriages, but the friends I have who are single are happy in their own skin. They admit it would be nice to find a man, but none of them are even remotely looking.

Like you, though, if and when I do meet someone, I will then be happier and more confident in my own skin. And I will also know what sort of men to avoid. Stonewallers never darken my doorstep again!

Realised it was 2 years yesterday since he walked out on me tosser I've survived.

Nosy, you've just turned 50 and it's New Year. You've been through a really awful time recently, and I'm not surprised you feel like that. I've been there too, had those thoughts etc. I hope you know it will pass, and things will get better. Thinking of you and sending you hugs. I'm 54. Who cares about age, it's just a number. Personally I would rather be 54 than 24

New Year, Christ some people pick their moments! The timing was irrelevant but I was left with a kitchen in pieces, major refurb. And another time he confessed to his repeated affair with the weirdo, was the night before my son's AS exam.

Thanks for your kind words Izzie.

I'm so sad. I can't imagine being happy again. 17 years and 2 children together and 2 days ago I find out he's ruined it all with a stupid, pointless, sordid affair. My heart is broken.

brontolo - I wish I could just hold your hand.
It's not the end of everything, it really isn't - even though nothing I could say would make you feel differently, not just now. It's too soon.
I have been at the very bottom. Destitute, battered and abused beyond anything. I honestly don't know how I survived, but I did.
One thing I did learn is not to be afraid to ask for help.
It does come, if you reach out for it.

Thank you Emmelinelucas. I hope you're right. I have amazing friends and family so am really very lucky. I know they'll help me get through this but it just seems so impossible just now.