I am the woman I hate...

[HonestLie]

I have now knowingly and unwittingly (I realise the contradiction) become the OW.

Please bare with me. At 16/17/18 I was played spectacularly by one guy. Have recovered and maintained a good friendship with this guy despite his actions.

Long story short (sorry its still long but I'm trying to condense 10 years). I met a guy aged 16 he was 28. We had a thing and then I found out he had a girlfriend. I broke things off, they split up we started things up, they got back together we broke things off and so the cycle continued except things never were broken off between them it was all a lie. I often found out things were fine between them when she turned up (and by turned up I mean it was clearly an arranged visit). I finally ended things but we remained friends. I put my willingness to be friends down to being young as to be honest if someone treated me that way now they would be told to fuck of to the far side of fuck and be done with it.

Anyway, he moved away to where his girlfriend (now wife) lives and I got on with my life but due to the fact I am very close friends with his sister I have always maintained contact with his family. I have also remained "best friends" with him. Regular email/facebook/viber contact, Recently he had an unexpected visit home due to a family bereavement and he basically told me (I'm going to bullet point this to keep it short)

1. His wife had cheated on him
2. He told his wife he had cheated on her with me (He told her this years ago apparently)
3. She had asked him if she hadn't fallen pregnant would he be back here with me and his response had been yes.
4. She had read through our PM FB conversations and that she thinks there is some kind affair continuing on his visits back (there isn't)
5. She hates me (I already knew this although struggled to determine why until I realised what he had told her about the cheating even though I had at the time thought it was when they had split up)

I had for the last 8 years thought we were just very close friends. He has confined, as have I about many aspects of our personal relationships. That has now been misconstrued and taken correctly as an EA.

I am clearly a horrible person because I am equally torn between tearing him a new one but waning to be friends (he has, in my head been my best friend for 8 years) and tearing him a new one and walking away. Obviously the latter is what I should do, his wife must be devastated she absolutely (understandably) hates me and he a wanker of the highest order but I still feel heart broken losing my version (which he isn't) of my best friend.

I can't make this right for her. I wish I could but the only thing I can think to make it better is to walk away.

I know it's garbled and there may be many questions. I will answer any of them but am really looking for some advice and any support.

Apologies in advance for typos. Have had a few and on phone.

You both sound pretty selfish people I'm afraid. And you befriending the wife is really the pits. Sorry OP you are so totally out of order. But he is no better.

"It's that she's married to a lying, cheating shitbag, sadly."

But in the OP it says his wife cheated on him too? So isn't he married to a lying cheating shitbag too?

I wasn't his OW at the wedding and she knew he had cheated with me before they got married.

She however cheated after he said that if she hadn't fallen pregnant he would have been back here with me (he wouldn't have been). Whilst I don't agree with cheating I'm not sure I can blame her after that. If I was in her shoes I would have packed his bags but that's just me.

No not just his word. It is true. Although I doubt it was the whole truth

Why on earth do you think this man is any sort of friend to you, let alone a best friend? He sounds horrid!

To be honest, of course men and women can be friends but realistically, if someone is married, they shouldn't be best friends with someone of the opposite sex. It's just not appropriate. I think you've been naive.

He showed me a message between them. So she did know.

And Eliza I'm not condoning any of it but for the last 8 years we have been friends.

She sent him a text while I was with him at the funeral. It had been saying something about her not being happy I was there and he put his response infront of me. I passed the phone back and he read it out. You can think what you want but I don't like this situation one bit and didn't realise the extent of it all until recently.

And yes she would be pissed off if she knew that message had almost instantly been shared with me. Rightfully so. I left the place I was shortly after. I haven't responded to his messages since and have ignore the phone twice today.

He's playing you sweetheart, can't you see?.
He's getting a massive ego boost from playing you and the wife off against each other.
Walk away, he isn't a friend.

I am walking away. I think he's trying to play me but doesn't realise I'm just not interested in him like that at all. Not to mention I would never go near a married man. I think he has issues with time moving on since he's moved away and possibly on some ways still sees me as the naive 18 year old who would drop anything for him. It's just not the case anymore.

Sorry but he's no friend. He repeatedly cheated on his wife before they got married and probably did same afterwards. I don't condone cheating but now he gets a taste of his own medicine. I don't think he's been honest about anything.

They should break up. This is one friend you don't need or should want in your life. Good and honest friends are the best not half truths and using you to score points with their spouse.