Narc mother fed pineapple to my baby today

[123upthere]

Just that really - history of DM being abusive in my childhood to my siblings, so I'm very very wary of her near my kids. Visiting this week at their house and today she has somehow managed to feed pineapple to my 10mth old, as baby had 3 dirty nappies in one hour containing undigested chunks of pineapple when we changed her at my in-laws get together later today in afternoon. I haven't mentioned it to DM as have gone to bed as I'm exhausted but should I mention it before we leave tomorrow or just leave it? I know DM wants an argument - it's in the air, she's very passive aggressive about everything so I've come to bed to avoid her. Don't want a confrontation but yet I'm so sad and angry that poor baby had upset tummy today because of her. (knew she had fed her as most of pineapple was gone from its dish in fridge when I checked when we got home plus she was supposedly feeding her 'toast' while I took a quick shower this morning

You're right Namaste, it wears off quickly. I try and try then something always cones up and my defences go straight up again and I withdraw. Self protection overload. Distance is a help I live a long drive away as do other siblings. Funnily enough older sister has regressed to the role and behaviour of a child this visit doing and saying all the right things when I know she still has scars too. I guess she's just trying to make peace with it all. Anyhow it's all too much for me trying to read these people and their behaviours, I have my own family to care for plenty to take my mind off DM. But deep down it really hurts (not just the pineapple incident, just the nature of the relationship as a whole) I do to think there's anything more I can do except leave today with a smile and a 'happy new year'

I never knew pineapple was particularly harmful to a baby. My son ate a little bit of pinapple mashed up when weaning. No he is 15 months he eats it all the time in chunks. And all kinds of fruits he has eaten since he was weaned. How was your mother to know pinapple would make him react such a way. My mum gave my son ginger biscuit that made him have a allergic reaction. I did not make a big deal of it because there was no way she could have known.

Hi 123 I just wanted to say "well done" on calling her on it calmy and I hope you can find some peace when you get home. She sounds like a nightmare and when it's your mother it can have a habit of making yu feel like a bewildered child

MissHJ perhaps you could RTFT and see that the pineapple isn't really the issue here - but the OP's abusive mother is.

Also, pineapple has an enzyme (?) in it that many people react badly to inc the OP). I know it gives some people terrible mouth ulcers.

I understand how some babies wouldn't react to it but I just knew my baby wouldn't react well mothers instinct perhaps but the nappy showed it didn't do baby any favours, baby never had a nappy like it in 10 mths. It's the wider issue that's the big thing here that DM will carry on regardless of what I think is best for my children but I'm trying to let it go now and move on

if the pineapple was in his nappies in "chunks" he wasn't even chewing it!

YANBU

Have you thought about not staying over in future?

Happy New Yr to you also...I agree ...the thing that helps me the most is that self protection..sadly I keep a guard up to avoid further hurt..and have learnt to not ask of her as I knw it's never going to be given how I want it..but we're all human and now and again we need that positive stroke from a maternal figure x

Bitout- thanks yes 'bewildered like a child' was the exact feeling in all this. I knew she wouldn't take my view seriously I knew she'd deny it I knew she'd go on about it all morning as though I was a deluded precious overly protective mother. I am actually very over protective of my kids when she's around as I know what she's capable of but she hides it very well in front of DH it's very clever behaviour

Post the nappy to her

:)

Well done on mentioning it OP :) Shame she couldn't admit to it but at the very least she knows you know.

I know what she's capable of

It's clear where any anxiety issues come from and I applaud you for not regressing like your sister did. Your not-so-dm sounds awful and yes, abusive. Your anxiety is a well honed warning system that unfortunately has to be on overload when near her. I'm glad you'll be away from there very soon, might be on thew way home as we type?

Can you evade her clutches next time a visit looms? Would you prefer less and less contact? Sadly, there's no point in hoping she'll have an epiphany or otherwise transformative experience that'll unlock a heart of gold.

Tbh im not sure youre over reacting at all.

Your mom has a history of being abusive.
She lied about what she had fed your child. Why lie?
She gave much more than she should have. this could have been innocent, IF she hadnt lied about it.
Id stay away.

She sounds awful. Could you withdraw by leaving early? Do you have to stay so long with her? Could you say that you don't want to stay as she doesn't respect your wishes as a mother?