How to handle EA ex dp (child and house together)

[MistletoeBUTNOwine]

Have posted previously when still on relationship and don't have time to write down full story right now, just after some advice please?

He was made to leave the house in November (solicitors letter). Since then he's been texting and calling A LOT. We have a dc together and my DS from a prev relationship and he's using seeing them as a way to be here/ keep contacting me
He keeps saying how much he loves me, he's so sorry for being a twat, won't drink 'heavily' any more, promising holidays etc etc. even that we should get married and have another child.
He thinks that because he's no longer an abusivr drunk, everything is fine and I should forgive him and move on.
But the thing is I DID love him dearly. But since being on my own my feelings have changed and now he mainly just irritates the hell out of me. Every now and again I feel fondness for him (and I still fancy him ).
He knows I'll struggle to pay the mortgage and bills alone in our (50/50) house and I can't buy him out...
I don't want things to turn nasty, want him to have a good relationship with DS. He's meant to look after him when I go back to work in 2 weeks for 2 days a week...

How can I find him off without him getting the hump and making things difficult with the house and baby???
I'm waiting for a mediation session, should be in January this year..
Oh, and he asked me to stop the child maintenance claim I had started because they were hassling him at work and it was 'embarrassing'. I stupidly agreed

[Hissy]

phone OFF when you go to bed.

don't believe a word of what he says, he realises that all the effort he put into grooming you to take his abuse is going to blow up in his face and he's going to have to start again elsewhere. he'll have to find someone vulnerable and pretend to be a nice person to hook them.

excruciating. abusers hate being nice, it's against their nature...

[Hissy]

my ex is always 'ill' btw... it's bollocks/mememememememe

[petalsandstars]

CMS and solicitors - make the calls today. He will turn nasty - and soon. Get yourself sorted out and also look into what you're entitled too. Even if you have to pay for childcare (don't bank on him sticking to his agreement to do it) you'll have maintenance to help with the budget.

[MistletoeBUTNOwine]

Done maintenance call. Been to see a house to rent, and told him.
He's 'broken-hearted'
He's either a SUPER good actor or quite pathetic. Either way I love that is NO LONGER MY PROBLEM!!!

[MistletoeBUTNOwine]

What would you reply to this??

Mistletoe... I know you said you want to be independent etc.. But I'd like to pay £1000 for your new place. I can't bear to see you struggle and the kids should have everything they need. I'd like to do this.

[MistletoeBUTNOwine]

All I ever wanted our family back . In our happy home.. Have great and happy memories, growing old together without a care in the world looking after those we care about.

[1FluffyJumper]

Stop engaging with him for god sake.

[1FluffyJumper]

Don't let him in the house, don't move out till you've had proper legal advice ( you might be allowed to keep the house till kids are 18 possibly) and just don't reply to any of his shit. Don't say 'maybe in a year,' unless you are happy for him to continue perusing you. If you want to get back together with him, have an adult conversation and do it.

[1FluffyJumper]

Pursuing *

[cestlavielife]

Let him put money into a bank account for the dc.
But stop engaging with him.
He is trying to win you back with a game it won't last

[MistletoeBUTNOwine]

I only respond to texts regarding contact.
I'll take the £1000 though, will go toward deposit on new place plus other setting up costs.

[MistletoeBUTNOwine]

Btw, the 'all I ever wanted' post was a text from him.. Wasn't me saying that! I've ignored it

[1FluffyJumper]

Why are you moving out your family home? You realise the money he gives you will come with 'strings'. He will view your acceptance of it as a sign of you letting him in.

[MistletoeBUTNOwine]

I can't afford the running costs of this place. Plus it feels like 'our house'
We'll either sell and take 50/50 or he can buy me out.

[tipsytrifle]

I think you're making fantastic strides into your new life, Mistletoe. You sound way stronger day by day and I think, given that the house is to be sold, that it's an excellent plan to move out. I'm sure what you've found is lovely. YOUR new home (for awhile)! Yes, take the money he's donating. Of course he'll twist it round sometime soon but I'm sure you'll swat his attempts at reclaiming it in kind.

Love the tone when you say "idiot". There's something all but audible about how you say/write it, with contemptuous snarl and all!

[MistletoeBUTNOwine]

Thank you
My counsellor said so too, and the lady from the DAS seems to think I'm ok now, they've discharged me from the service.
I feel like the old me, the one who wouldn't dream of putting up with any crap from anyone

[Hissy]

the memory of a drunk is impaired. they lose sections of their lives.
abusers re-write history
abusers minimise, deny and blame
abusers hoover their victims.

Your Ex is trying to force you into taking him back no matter how badly he treated you.

All I ever wanted our family back . In our happy home.. Have great and happy memories, growing old together without a care in the world looking after those we care about.

HE broke that family
HE made the home so unhappy that you had to have him removed
The memories YOU have were not GREAT nor HAPPY
You would have grown old with a great deal of woe, misery and self destruction
Only now he's bucking his ideas up - as a ploy only mind - as soon as you are back in his clutches he would revert to type and then carry on where he left off, only ever getting worse and worse.

He IS an idiot. YOU are too good to be with an idiot. Take the money and get yourself out and happy somewhere else.