First of I'd like to say belated Merry Christmas and happy new year in advance. I need some advice from all of the ladies whether they are single or mums. I'm a mom myself with two princesses.
I'm in a spot of bother these days and need help with getting my emotional strength back, because I seem to have gotten myself in a relationship where I feel used, disrespected and a booty call. The guy who Im a involved with currently, approached me in a very nice and decent manner. He is a single father himself and showed great care and concern towards my children at first which kind of faded over the last couple of weeks. I fell like that he wants me to head over to his place every two weeks when my children are with my ex and relax myself and have a good time, until recently I started having the feeling that he wants me to come over to his place to satisfy his biological urges. he says he loves (funny thing he said that he has fallen in love with me within the first 2 weeks of chatting with one another). the guy has helped me when I was in a dire state and in a panicky situation when I I came out of the refuge. but I always have the nagging feeling this he does this so that he can keep getting free sex from me. he kind of have twisted his feeling of love for me with physical needs. now that I have stopped it for a time being because of my personal circumstances he has limited his contact with me and doesn't talk to me as freely as he used, instead wastes his and my time by being quite over the phone which leaves me frustrated. When we first started talking over the phone he would call me up every morning, message me and would even write poetry and all. I fell for that and I thought this is a very caring and romantic guy, only to find out he was setting a honey trap for me to lure me into. here are some of the things that ive noticed in him:
• A hint of jealousy and annoyance towards my little one when he tapped her on her head when she was being cheeky.
• Hit her hand hard while he was hi-fiving her.
• I’ve seen a pair of Women’s undies in his bedroom, hung on top of the radiator while I was at his place. He got defensive, started laughing and then became a bit angry for accusing him of something he has not done (but I keep having this nagging feeling to this day that he has).
• Has said a few things to me that I’d be willing to do for love. One of them would be accepting to take a sip of alcohol. im a muslim woman and ive already told him we abstain from such things.
• I’ve shaved myself with a used lady’s shaver he provided me and he denied it was not used.
• Hint of lust when he said that my eldest daughter is a spitting image of me.
• Left his wee wee in the toilet and didn’t flush it. Shows he is becoming disgusting and doesn’t really care for hygiene even though he was bragging about it before we first got together.
• Thinks that women are like horses and the men are their riders. (very very insulting).
• He has related to me a couple of times that he could have been with other girls (who he thought were nice girls) but didn’t hang out with them because they smoke and drink. Which makes me think that I’m just an option and not someone special as he says that I am.
• He used to express his feelings of getting me pregnant a lot of time before, which has put me in a state of alarm whenever I’ve had sex with him.
• He always wants to have unprotected sex with me which I am not comfortable with.
• He doesn’t care and ignores me right after having sex with me which made me feel cheap and used and a booty call.
• Got into my facebook account on my phone and spied on all the contacts and on one of the convo I had with a friend of mine and started interrogating me about it and started suspecting me for nothing. However, I never got into his personal belongings to find out about his activities and stuff.
• I was relating a convo to him about a friend of mine and he started lecturing me about who I should keep as my friends and who I shouldn’t and how I should talk to them. When I expressed my annoyance he became angry and started berating me.
I need some perspective on this situation. Im new to this dating and courtship thing and he terms this as a real relationship. to me it seems like a joke and feels like a trap he putting me in by locking me down in a fairy tale relationship and by one means or the other trying to get me pregnant. btw this guy happens to be a counsellor and has taken this sort of approach with another one of his exs. he has been in 3 serious relationship before and says this is the last one he wants to be in. if this one doesn't work out he will go into casual ones and continue to have sex with random women. sex is great with this guy, but I do not want that to be the only reason to be with him and I certainly do not want to be used by him as and when he likes as it hasn't been long since ive been divorced from my previous 8 year relationship last year. he says he loves me and wants to marry me, but kind of puts in a situation and risky encounters that I give in. for this matter, I have become confused, anxious, emotionally invested and empty. I cant stop thinking about him, but im keeping myself strong in away that I never initiate the contact with him as he calls me up. this guy lives in Leeds and I live in London. whenever I ask him now to come over to Londn and take me out on a date he makes excuses due to lack of finances and all he cant travel. Now this is the guy who was so eager to see me when we first set up a date and now makes excuses. Im trying to be keep myself strong ladies, as I have children, im currently studying and busy life style to tend to. This relationship has slowed me down and leaving me depleted. I want to move on, any advice.