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Original poster

He's being awkward

65 replies

jl1983 · 25/12/2014 10:49

Well the guy I spent all my time with alone on the Xmas works do kissing and cuddling till 5 in morn now acting awkward and off with me ?? and doesn't rember much as he had too much to drink... How am I supposed to take that

OP posts:
oswellkettleblack · 25/12/2014 23:09

In fact I'm amazed he hung around till 5AM without a shag. We were always passed out in bed by that time, after the shag. It was the next morning that was sometimes awkward.

scarletforya · 25/12/2014 23:15

Huh? Ever hear of 'beer goggles' where people snog someone they vaguely fancy but then sobriety hits and they get buyers remorse.

Means nothing.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/12/2014 23:19

You're about to humiliate yourself badly if you don't back off, jl. You're sounding more and more obsessed and determined that he must like you. He doesn't, he doesn't fancy you and he doesn't want this to go anywhere. If he did, you'd know. He didn't want to go to bed with you; he knows he could have, you've made that clear. He didn't take you up on it. Do you enjoy being so cruel to yourself and your feelings? :(

You work together so you'll need to behave professionally. Believe me when I tell you that it's not only women who report sexual harassment; men do too. That will be remembered, don't be a target for the sake of a regretted snog. It's a whole different ball game when colleagues are involved.

You're coming across as desperate. You say that you've been treated badly by men before... think about why that might be? It's not your fault but why leave yourself open to this kind of treatment? Don't you expect better? If so, then demand it and back off when somebody makes it clear that they aren't interested. Everybody can see it, except you.

KatOD · 25/12/2014 23:22

Did you write another thread about this? I'm sure I've read something very similar recently. I'm afraid you need to hold your head high and walk away even if you are interested as he clearly isn't or is too childish to deal with how he feels. Either way nothing good will happen if you pursue. If he's being a dick at work be purely transactional with him.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/12/2014 23:28

Other thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2264037-Eek-what-do-I-do?

feelingunsupported · 25/12/2014 23:39

He's just not that into you.

LuluJakey1 · 25/12/2014 23:51

He is just not interested. It was a drunk, Christmas fumble and he is embarrassed and wants to pretend it didn't happen. That sounds like it to me. Stop whining on about it and forget it. You are sounding desperate and needy- he has made his feelings clear. Find someone who is proud to be with you.

coolaschmoola · 26/12/2014 00:30

Oh op... This doesn't sound good. He was drunk, he's a flirt, you had a little Fun, it was a work Christmas do, shit happens, people take the piss a bit, two people involved shrug it off as 'one of those things' and a few days later it's forgotten apart from the odd nudge wink from Larry the sad act who never has a clue when to stop. End of story.

Or at least it should have been. Except you've bought into the drunken flirty grope snog office party shenanigans and turned them into something else in your head, and that's not good.

He probably knew that you like him and thought you'd be up for some fun, but I really think that after reading both threads that is all it was, for him.

Based on the way you are posting if I were him I'd be rehoming my rabbit....

You really need to see this for what it is. Chap gets pissed at work party, sees girl who fancies him and thinks why not?

5am and you didn't get round to exchanging numbers? You work next to him all day every day and in all that time you've never exchanged numbers? Seriously op - it's not happening.

Time to face up to the fact that you had a drunken fumble on a works do, it's done, it's not going to turn into the romance of the century.

Original poster
jl1983 · 26/12/2014 08:34

How do u know he doesn't fancy me

OP posts:
Original poster
jl1983 · 26/12/2014 08:37

Up until this point he has flirted with me in work even the guys thought something was going to happen with us

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 26/12/2014 08:40

Jesus, are you still going on about this? Why are you letting it ruin your Christmas?

FolkGirl · 26/12/2014 08:49

Still? Really?!

We know because we're all grown ups, because we've all done similar, because it's really fucking obvious.

He didn't ask for your number and he had the chance.

Maybe we are all wrong and maybe he does want to be with you. There's only one person who can answer that. It makes no difference what we say anyway. The truth is what it is.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 26/12/2014 08:54

Look, you snogged a colleague at the work Xmas party. He's now being (in your own words) 'awkward', 'off', 'shirty' and 'weird'. That is not the behaviour of a man that fancies you. He's embarrassed and regrets it, hence his attitude to you. I'm sorry but you need to drop this and move on.

There's absolutely no need to change jobs or do anything melodramatic, but if he carries on being an arse to you at work I'd say you need to bring it up with him and tell him his attitude at work is unacceptable, then if it carries on, report him to management.

Imo you both need to see this for the one-off bit of fun and flirtation that it was, drop it and move on.

FolkGirl · 26/12/2014 09:08

Is he being 'awkward', 'weird', 'shirty', and 'off' with you because he's worried about you making a bit of a big deal about it at work?

It reads to me like he's trying to make sure you know, in no uncertain terms, that this is going no further. And you're still not getting it!

What exactly does he have to do to show you he's not interested. Because it looks pretty obvious to me.

coolaschmoola · 26/12/2014 09:17

How do I know he doesn't fancy you? Because every single thing you are describing is screaming that he doesn't.

I tried to be kind and put it nicely but that didn't work so here it is put honestly...

He flirts with you at work because he's a flirt and you are the only woman there. Who else can he flirt with?

You got it on at the Christmas do because he KNOWS that you fancy him and he fancied a bit of a snog and a grope.

He didn't take your number because he DOESN'T WANT IT.

The others are making comments about it because they are taking the piss.

When he was drunk he thought that this was just a bit of fun, however now he's sober he's realised that it was more to you than a drunken fumble and he is trying to put you off because it didn't mean anything to him.

FFS op, get it into your head before the whole department is taking the piss out of him and laughing at you.

IT IS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.

louisejxxx · 26/12/2014 09:21

Oh my days, if you are coming across as strongly to him as you are to us about it OP then I wouldn't blame him for running a mile! You need to be playing it much much cooler than this if you want to pull it back.

Only1scoop · 26/12/2014 09:24

It was a drunken Christmas snog....

Don't have another new year one with same guy....

Shodan · 26/12/2014 09:36

I fancied someone for a long time, back in the day, who I eventually spent the evening snogging when I was drunk.

Unfortunately there was actually zero chemistry when it came down to it. Took us both by surprise. I mean, the snogging was nice and all, but nothing either of us wanted to repeat.

Maybe it's that.

Meirasa · 26/12/2014 09:41

jl1983

You sound very young and very inexperienced. There's a great book called 'He's just not that into you' I suggest you give it a read.

If you work with him you should beware of carrying on what was to him, a drunken snog into a major drama. Like seriously it's not the 18th century. He can kiss you and not want to have anything more than that. Sometimes flirtation ends with that too. Your problem is that you like him more then he likes you. Being rejected is never nice!! Life isn't a movie, this isn't a boy and girl secretly like each other and getting drunk and snogging leads to marriage one.

If you have come across to him as needy, desperate and unworldly to him over the last few days, as you are coming across here he must be running a mile. I honestly don;t blame him, and I think he's pretty decent if he's not leading you up the garden path when he so easily could.

My best advice is have some pride, be dignified and get over it. Stop texting him- PLEASE STOP!!! You will get a reputation in work as being a bunny boiler and people will have nothing but sympathy for him. If something was going to happen it would have happened by now, that's how we all know he's not that into you, because he's saying it was unmemorable and not pursuing anything else. YOU are on the one running after him and that's cringe worthy.

If I was in your situation but a guy was acting as you are, I'd think he was weird and possibly be laughing at him for thinking he's in Pride and Prejudice behind his back... It's a bit pathetic. Harsh but true!!!

LuluJakey1 · 26/12/2014 09:47

Well based on your two threads, my advice would be :

He should move his desk as far away from yours as possible.........while he looks for another job......moves house......makes sure you never find out where he moves to.........ensures all pets are safe and secure.........hires personal protection officers if at any time in the future he has a girlfriend, gets married or has children.

FFS stop thinking about this. It was an event blurred by alcohol for him where he was overly affectionate to a woman he doesn't mind but certainly does not want to have a relationship-with and every action since is signallng he regrets his behaviour and wants no repeat.

You are comming across as quite disturbed; turning a drunken fumble into something that needs analysing obsessively. It doesn't- we are all saying the same thing, he just is not interested and everything about his actions once he sobered up are screaming that. You are reading into all of this things that just are not there.

I would be prepared to bet a large sum of money that he is not wasting his holiday pining over you and has not given you another thought - he is probably out enjoying himself, having a few drinks with his mates, snogging women in pubs and getting a few gropes back with no emotional commitment.

Just leave it alone. You asked a question, you have got answers and the fact that you are arguing with everyone and teling us we are wrong is another sign of your obsessiveness about this. No one is saying what you want to hear and that is because what you want to hear is not the truth.

Sorry to be harsh but everyone is trying and you just are not hearing what anyone is saying.

If you don't stop this you will have no dignity left at work. Hold your head up, pretend it never happened and get on with your job.

GaryBaldy · 26/12/2014 09:51

Drunken snog. It clearly means more to you than it did to him.

Forget it.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 26/12/2014 13:32

OP, you sound like one hell of a Scary Person.

Original poster
jl1983 · 26/12/2014 14:03

But as u don't know me or him how would u know 100 he doesnt

OP posts:
Back2Two · 26/12/2014 14:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/12/2014 14:17

OP... Everything we've gleaned is from what YOU'VE posted. This means that YOU don't believe he wants you either. You're correct, he doesn't.

Why are you continuing to ask the same questions again and again and again? Do you think that as another woman, I'd be in any way prepared to tell you what you want to hear, ie. he's shy, he's saving up for an engagement ring, he's waiting for the right time to introduce you as his girlfriend to everybody...?

If you keep on - and I don't know what you're getting out of this by doing so - you're likely going to exhaust people's patience. I'm fed up with your thread, it's getting boring and it's utterly pointless posting to you, so I'm going to leave it there.

Good luck in your pursuit... Hmm