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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I feel sick- husband ran at me and put his hand around my throat

61 replies

OctoberCarrot · 22/12/2014 08:17

I am shaking. I feel sick to the core. I feel despondent. I feel desperate. I feel there is no way back. My husband ran at me and put his hand around my throat. I had finger prints. I have the photos. I have a 3 year old who was telling Daddy to be nice to Mummy. From reading threads on mn I am not surprised. Slowly but surely the EA has been escalating. We had booked counselling for January bit now there is no way back. What do I do? It is three days before Christmas. We have things organised. I am suppose to be with his family, not him as he has to work, in a couple of hours. Something for the children to enjoy. Should I go anyhow?

Why me?

OP posts:
Original poster
OctoberCarrot · 22/12/2014 13:27

Sorry. It has been a dreadful morning. Had stuff to do with children. You are all o right. It is all my fault. Am not in UK though not for away! Ready for action this afternoon. I feel sick to the core :( but am safe and will be ok. Will kerp posting and reading. X

OP posts:
LumpySpacedPrincess · 22/12/2014 13:31

It is not your fault, not in the slightest. It is his fault.

msrisotto · 22/12/2014 13:39

How could it possibly be your fault??

Mostlyjustaluker · 22/12/2014 13:40

It is definitely not your fault.

When you say you are ready for action what do you mean? Do you family for friends who can be there for you?

AskBasil4StuffingRecipe · 22/12/2014 13:41

It is not your fault.

You are not responsible for somebody deciding to choke you.

GoatsDoRoam · 22/12/2014 13:42

You are not at fault, sweetheart.

Namaste100 · 22/12/2014 13:44

IT IS NOT AND WILL NEVER BE YOUR FAULT!!!!
YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS!!!!
( BIG LETTERS ON PURPOSE)

RubbishMantra · 22/12/2014 13:45

Whatever makes you think it's your fault? It absolutely is his fault, not yours.

Inertia · 22/12/2014 13:49

Call the police.
Also, it would probably be a good idea to get checked out by a medical professional - if he has left fingerprints there is the possibility that he has caused further injury.

Tell his family why you aren't there - don't protect him, don't be ashamed, this was his choice.

Quitethewoodsman · 22/12/2014 13:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Windywenceslas · 22/12/2014 13:50

It's really not your fault sweetheart, not even a little bit x

Vivacia · 22/12/2014 14:29

It is all my fault.

How did you conclude that?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 22/12/2014 14:48

Nobody on this thread has said it is your fault. Everybody unanimously has said it is not your fault

If you blame yourself, we (and in fact nobody else at all) can help you. If you collude with your abuser in accepting blame for him strangling you, then it will happen again.

Harsh, but true.

Vivacia · 22/12/2014 14:51

Please call the police OP.

Original poster
OctoberCarrot · 22/12/2014 19:05

Sorry. Just putting children to bed and coming back. I meant to say he called left a message saying - it is all your fault. I put my hands around your neck because of you. So bloody textbook. I did think he was different. I am an idiot. My brother is here waiting for him. I have spoken to.police and have been advised I csn press charges. Waiting to c of he leaved peacefully for a few days. :( you never think it will b u :(

OP posts:
Windywenceslas · 22/12/2014 19:11

Stay strong, even if he goes for a few days I still think you should press charges. Don't be talked round.

Fairenuff · 22/12/2014 19:12

Keep that message as he admits he put his hands on your neck.

Quitethewoodsman · 22/12/2014 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ouryve · 22/12/2014 19:24

Please do press charges and show that text to the police. He doesn't even see the fact that he did it as his problem. He needs to be gone forever.

Original poster
OctoberCarrot · 22/12/2014 19:26

And you know what is worse my 3 year old has been repeating All day what happened. I know like many things in life you imagine it won't happen to you. You expect it on the soaps but not In your life. How do you move on from this?

OP posts:
EssexMummy123 · 22/12/2014 19:29

You divorce, you can't move on with him and you can't put your three old year through that kind of home life - but there are other men out there who are nice guys and who would never dream of doing that in a million years.

Windywenceslas · 22/12/2014 19:32

You move on by making wise choices now so that you and your precious DC never have to experience any more of his abuse. He doesn't need to be gone for a few days, he needs to be gone forever.

I'm so sorry you're having such an awful time, but stay strong, you're doing so well already.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 22/12/2014 19:33

Hi October. Love and support to you and your poor poor little one, yes you're right there is no way back. If he has done this once make no mistake he will do it again. Which is no environment for you or your little baby.

Easy for a faceless person like me to day this but please, call the police and get out. I doesn't matter that it's Christmas, call a refuge place on 08082000247. I guarantee you and your little one will be happier on your own. Better for any child to have one happy parent that 2 miserable patents.

Quitethewoodsman · 22/12/2014 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoatsDoRoam · 22/12/2014 20:01

Yes, you never think it will be you. You never think that the man you shared yourself so deeply with would be that man. Sad

Well done on seeing this for what it is, and well done on contacting the police. Well done on surrounding yourself with support now. You are doing brilliantly.

I hope you were able to explain to your DS in a way he can understand that what he saw is not ok, and must never be accepted - poor lad. I hope he hears and sees that there are now consequence for his father (divorce and charges being pressed, if you choose to go that route).