Love Bombing...Is it a reason to worry, Red Flags ?

[gottafindaman4yagirl]

Sorry if this is long, Need advice please. From my description of a man I have started dating someone warned me about Love Bombing.
Google it and its not good, possible psychopath or controlling person.

The man I have been dating I knew from online dating but never met for a date, by chance we ended up at a bar and instantly recognised each other. Didn't talk at bar but he chased me down online and the flattery began. Quickly set up dates and he is constantly texting, offered to help me with some problems I had going on. He tells me constantly that I'm beautiful, all he wants in a women. He text that he's missing me, wants to be with me.
We DTD on fourth date and all went well, he asked me to be his girlfriend. He has been suggesting it from early on but I told him it was too soon to really know each other.
He says he already feels very close to me already, I have not been able to buy all he says.
I grew up with verbal abuse and was made to feel worthless and unwanted up until I left home. Due to this I have built my own self confidence and don't let other people's criticism get into my head.

I was worried I was being too hard on the man in question because of my lack of being able to except or need compliments. Its only how I see myself that matters to me.
I have challenged him quite a bit on his ott comments, he said I was photogenic, perfect and could be a model. I told him I was not happy with comments like that. He apologised, I told him early on I thought he was a player and just flattering me to keep me hooked. He said he's just a nice man and thinks the world of me, wants to be with me and get to know me.

My family think he's just very nice and for once I should except such attention.
He works and I know where, he has access to his children regular, if he was a controlling bad man would two ex partners allow him access.
He's calm around me, acts like a gentleman opening doors, kissed my hand and is very touchy feely person. Compliments my clothes and tells me I'm beautiful when were together.

I do sometimes think someone will jump out with a camera and its all been a wind up.
What Red Flags do I need to take notice of?
Anyone had a man act like this and actually turn out to be a genuine man and relationship material?
All advice welcome.

You too Rioux.

Erm, red flags are the 2 exes and how many children? already.
I suppose you need to ask yourself if you want to be x number 3.
I am puzzled as to why you think he would need the exes permission to see his kids, surely he has equal parental responsibility.

Rioux what would the make equivilent of "bike" be? Stud? Player? Ladies' Man?

Jinga My username comes from a wizz jones song, I don't think its helpful to judge someone on their username.

Helena I am not shallow or materialistic and very independent. I don't believe in using looks to get what you want. What a potential partner brings to a relationship should be strengths that can balance out each others weaknesses. How much money a man earns is of no interest, I would prefer a man who is happy in his work whatever that is.

I have been told over the years by different people that I could be a model, I do get a lot of attention from men. I look young for my age and keep in shape for myself.
Thanks for the posts that have been helpful and non judgmental.

Hey woah i never said you were shallow or materialistic. Not at all. I simply asked whether you had been brought up you believe you have to rely on a man for happiness. Thats what i meant. You are being very defensive and seeing words i simply havent posted.

I have been at the recieving end of someone who exhibited some of the traits that the man you are dating is showing.

People like this normally dont like it when you stand up for yourself during a disagreement. Or start saying you cant always do things according to their timetable. Or exhibit any sign that you are not "perfect" Ive been there and luckily for me it was short lived.

you sound very sensible. how do you feel about him?
I think he sounds lovely actually !

OP do you not know the mn rules ??? No man is good enough for you to have a relationship with. (especially if your children are under 25) you should only ask him over the threshold if you have at least 14 members of extended family present, one of whom should be a consultant psychiatrist who can give him a full pschy profile before considering dtd. .. the fact that this guy has two Yes folks two failed relationships -something no woman on here would ever consider - and worst of all -is incredibly nice to you , how very dare you consider him a suitable partner.. back in the real world my dh was like this from day 1 has 5 children from 2 previous marriages but we have been married 10+ yrs and he still 'love bombs' almost daily. Sometimes you just have to take a chance.

Kitten - what are you talking about? We have 'instincts' for a reason. OP should act on them, not on what MN says.

FWIW I met a guy, in a pub with a group of others, about twice. He got my mobile number shortly after, and texted me loads of times - how beautiful/funny/smart I was, sent me poems he'd written about me, asked me (after about a week) whether I beleived in 'love at first sight', because he didn't but he did now.....
I never went on a proper date, because he freaked me slightly - although he seemed like a lovely man with others. I found out later he was jailed for stealing his landlady's credit card.

All I can say is - take it slow, OP. If he's lovely, he will still be lovely in a year's time.

"I found out later he was jailed for stealing his landlady's credit card."

I wasn't expecting that.

there are instincts and being so paranoid you see red flags when someone is just being genuinely lovely. If everyone followed the mn check list for possible bad 'uns, no-one would ever get a relationship beyond the first date. OP has clearly said that she feels comfortable with him. That's an 'instinct' ... doesn't mean one can't still be wary, but nothing ventured.... and who knows, might turn out to be the love of her life

Helena I wasn't being defensive, I knew what you meant. I was just trying to be clear about what kind of person I am. I was not quoting you Helena.
Jasper Thanks, I don't get anxiety around him and when he's not telling me I'm beautiful we have good conversation and comfortable silences.

Kitten Its true that a man being too nice is not usual, my exh never said I was beautiful. I love bombed my exh and was in love at first sight, wrote him poetry and everything.
Regarding the two failed relationships and two kids. I know alot of women with three kids by different men and most are now happily married with men taking on kids and the men that came before.
I told him on last date that he seemed like the type to burn fast and then loose interest.

Oh my goodness. I have just read some of the other threads. Is your bloke the 26 year old referred to in other threads?? If so, yes, there are lots of red flags. And no, he's not a nice bloke.

IsNo I got rid of that 26yr old, he did make me anxious and I didn't like his bedroom style. Even my family didn't like him and advised me to not see him.

haven't time to read whole thread - but on the defending him side - he might be one of those people who "fall" very hard, very quickly, very early on - perhaps low SE. On the downside - that sort of thing can be very flattering at first - soon gets ridiculously annoying. The two kids two ex partners thing would be a deal breaker for me - but i don't know how old you are.

If you're asking so many questions at just 3 weeks and feel uneasy or unsure at all - then it's not right. The beginning should be easy peasy! It only gets worse.