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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Single friend kissing a married man

55 replies

DirtyDancing · 20/12/2014 18:54

Just that really. She told me she had a stupid drunked snog with a married guy at work last week.

Anyway this week, post xmas party they went to an after party and he stayed over at her's apparently. Kissing, touching no sex. And they kissed sober in the morning. I'm horrified, totally shocked and hugely concerned she is about to embark on an affair. He has been married about 3 years and has 2 young children. He has told my friend his marriage is not great (oh that one) and my friend is mid 30's and desperate to settle down and have kids. She's not in a good place, but she's a strong person. I never thought she'd do something like this.

It stings because I imagine his wife not dissimilar to me- I'm a new mum, tired but working hard to maintain my marriage and home. How would I feel if it were me? Gutted and heart broken.

What can I do or say to my friend to try and stop this?!

OP posts:
HonestLie · 23/12/2014 07:32

Truthfully I wouldn't end a friendship over it. Lots of my friends do things in their personal lives I don't necessarily agree with. I would tell her I don't agree or condone what she's doing and I didn't want to hear about it. If she continued to tell me once I'd told her this i'd reiterate and would reconsider friendship if she still continued.

HonestLie · 23/12/2014 07:34

I would also be sitting down to chat about how she's feeling. I'm guessing she is in a pretty low place to be doing this so I would want to know if I could support her in ending it and moving forward. That is the only kind of discussion I would be having with her.

FolkGirl · 23/12/2014 08:31

I agree, honest. I have many friends of many ages and many backgrounds each with their own life experiences that have led to them having the world view they have now.

I would seek greater compatability from a partner, but friends, well I'm a little more tolerant. They are my friends for many reasons, not because they share my moral viewpoint on everything.

I educate where I can, I make my contrasting views known and then we agree not to talk about them again. Much in the way that I don't discuss religion or politics with everyone.

Trapper · 23/12/2014 08:38

My only concern for your friend is that she may get hurt. It is he who is having the affair, not her.

HonestLie · 23/12/2014 09:18

I think we're quite similar in that respect folk girl. I 100% agree with the partner/friend comparison.

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