Anti-social but also lonely

[choco366]

I'm not sure if i'm after advice or just empathy that others sometimes feel the same.

I'm both shy and introverted and most of the time am very happy with my own company. I've been single for about 10 years, have no children and spend a lot of time alone, particularly at weekends. But I sometimes suffer from depression and think that having so much time on my own doesn't help because i have a lot of time to get lost in my own thoughts. And sometimes i just feel lonely, particularly at this time of year when it seems like everyone is out having a good time.

I have only two friends, both of whom are married and have wide circles of friends (and one of whom lives 2 hours away) so I feel like the friendships are unbalanced. I think I want more from them than they from me e.g if I want to go on a night out I only have two people to ask whereas they both have a partner and a group of other people to socialise with, and with the friend that lives close by I am very conscious of not becoming too clingy / needy. I'm happy to go to gigs / cinema / coffee shops alone but I don't think this helps my mental state.

In recent months I've tried taking language classes and sports classes to widen my circle of friends but never move from chatting in class to anything more.

I think I really just want to know how other naturally antisocial people cope with loneliness.

Thanks to everyone for their suggestions. When I placed by initial post I was having a particularly rubbish Saturday morning, facing a weekend of no one to talk to. It was good to know that there is a virtual community out there offering support. The responses from others really helped me feel more positive and have given me some things to try out in the new year. Thanks.

I used to have lots of friends but found that since having my 2 children most of them aren't bothered with me anymore (they are all either single or have no children). It upsets me a lot sometimes but I try not to dwell on it too much. Has anyone else experienced this?

www.ceroc.com/

Try this - no need to be able to dance or take a partner. Its all very focussed on the dancing so thats what people talk about. I'm shy and have made new friends through it.

Do you have any time for volunteering? If there was a local opportunity to do some volunteering for a cause related to something you are interested in (animals or environment for e.g.) then it could be a way of meeting likeminded others. If it is more a question of time on your hands there are quite a few online voluntary activities available that can be done from the comfort of your own sofa - just search on the web.

Also, is your depression being treated? If not, that might be worth looking at. Taking an anti-depressant or having some CBT could make a difference to your outlook.