Sorry this is so long - I am feeling very stressed about my current situation and was hoping for some advice from you excellent ladies (and men).
For background, my DP and I have been together for 3 years and I really want us to move in together (we are currently renting separately with friends). DP is happy to move in together but also happy with the status quo. I am also in a position to buy a flat, having saved a deposit and earning a relatively good salary. DP has not saved as much and does not earn as much so can’t currently buy somewhere on his own. We have agreed not to buy together unless we get married as we think it could get too messy if we broke up. We also think it would be a very big risk given we haven’t lived together before. I really want to change my job next year as I currently work very long hours and it is very stressful, however this would mean taking quite a salary cut. I therefore need to buy asap as I won’t be able to get a mortgage on my new salary (live in London so am only just able to afford somewhere on current salary, no chance of affording somewhere on new salary, and house prices constantly growing). DP has said he is happy for me to buy somewhere and would be happy to live in it for a while with me (and pay rent, so I would be able to afford to pay off monthly mortgage payments even after the drop in salary) but would want us to eventually sell it and buy our own place with his contributions if we got married, which I totally agree with.
So the problem now is that DP’s lease is coming to an end next month and he just told me yesterday that I have a choice that I have to make by the end of this week(!) – either I don’t buy a flat and we rent together from when his lease runs out (I can break my lease then to move in with him to a new rented property), or I go ahead and buy a flat but then he will re-sign his lease with his friend for another year, which would mean we couldn't live together (and he couldn’t live with me in my newly bought flat) until next January. The reason for this choice is that obviously it could take me a while to buy a flat – I have lots of viewings at the moment but you never know if you will see somewhere you like, if you will get an offer accepted, if the survey will be ok, how long it will take to sort out etc. And DP is worried that it could take me longer to buy somewhere than he has left on his lease, leaving him with nowhere to stay for a while. My flatmates however have said it would be ok for him to stay with us for a while and I will do everything I can to buy somewhere asap. DP says he wouldn’t feel comfortable moving into my rented flat for a while and that there’s not enough space (despite him doing so a couple of years ago for 3 weeks when he was between flats!)
It is DP’s flatmate who has set the one-week deadline as he apparently has an offer to live with other friends if DP won’t re-sign with him but he has to let these friends know asap. The deadline would still be in 3 weeks’ time though as DP’s landlord wants to know whether they are re-signing.
DP doesn’t see what the problem is, he seems to think it doesn’t matter if I don’t buy a flat now as we can buy together in a few years’ time and that it equally doesn't matter if we don’t live together for another year as everything is fine as it is. I however think he is being totally unrealistic about buying together in a few years. The London property market is growing out of control and given I am looking to take a salary cut, I think in a few years’ time we will have been priced out of the market. It seems crazy to me not to buy when you can, especially given I have worked so hard and saved so much and it would seem a total waste of that effort. On the other hand I am devastated at the thought of DP signing his lease for another year as I can’t imagine waiting a whole extra year to live with him – I feel like we’ve already waited long enough and I am at the stage where I just want to have a proper life together. We are late 20s/early 30s so it’s not like I’m rushing something in my early 20s. I also don’t want to move into the new flat on my own, which as well as making me sad that he wasn’t there would mean I would either have to struggle with the mortgage on my own or get a stranger to move in to help pay it.
If anyone has any ideas on how to solve this I would be so grateful for your advice and would equally be happy to hear people telling me I’m being stupid about either wanting desperately to get on the property ladder or wanting desperately to live with DP now instead of in a year’s time.