I think the word obligatory was telling, perhaps more so than you intended it to be.
You certainly don't seem to have any joy/bliss in your relationship and the word seemed to sum it all up succinctly.
I do think he can change Hmm... but you have told him clearly that he is not to contact other women and wank over them.... why did he not get the hint the last time?
My love, imagine you were him. He told you that he really objected to something you were perfectly within your power to stop/control, that you know IS a deal breaker for him.
Would you stop it? for fear of losing your relationship/family etc?
You bet your ARSE you would.
he has betrayed/cheated on you with his wanking off before, the snot and tears routine is to throw you off his tail, so you back off and don't sling his revolting arse out right this second.
My love, you have been together a VERY short amount of time considering, it is a mere blip in your lives thus far and in the greater scheme of things. I can promise you that if he has no comprehension of the ways in which this wanking behaviour is totally unacceptable , despite it being the 2nd time (that you have found out) then it's not misadventure, it is out and out disrespect/contempt and lack of care/concern.
Think about what kind of man would do this to a woman. think about what you would say to your DD if she were to say to you that this was happening to her?
THEN there is his mother...
No person has any right whatsoever to speak about another in that way.
No person who chooses to do this should remain unchallenged.
Your H has not even told his DM that talking about you like this is beyond unacceptable, and he is doing NOTHING to stop this.
You MUST make a stand love, you really must. He has done this to you in a couple of years, imagine how utterly broken your soul will be by the time your DD is old enough to notice.
Stand up now, tell him to leave and not to come back until YOU say you are ready.
Bugger the plans for anything, you have to set your stall out.
basically, you WILL be defended and respected in your relationship or you won't be in that relationship.
Let me let you into a secret.... you think you are powerless right? you are not. the fact that he immediately went to the snot and tears method of deflection means that he is very much in fear of being rejected. You need to use this inside info to pull him back onside.
show him he better get used to living back at home, at best - an every other weekend father and that will be his life from now on, as no-one in their right mind would put up with a wanker who lives with a vile insulting mother. Remind him that the LAST kind of people you would ever want in your DD's life are people who think this is in anyway acceptable so if he CBA to have contact, that would suit you perfectly, and would be doing your DD a favour. Really.
You need to go in HARD here. If you opt for the don't leave me, begging him to stay stance, nothing will ever change for the better.
You have a chance to make this work, but you have to show him that there is NO negotiation.