Chipping away... Chip, chip, chip

[CheeseEqualsHappiness]

I think I am about to break.

Nothing major, just a day of dp being unnecessarily critical and winding me up then saying I am too sensitive when I finally crack

He is not usually like this but today he has been horrible

I can't even put it into words, they.all sound daft and minuscule but over the course of a day I have had enough

I think he is passive aggressive, it fits and I cope sometimes and don't other times. When I need support or am feeling fragile I handle his big stroppy baby nature less well

Not sure what I want from this, just needed to write it down

Thanks!

I can solve your problems for about £155. £150 for a sat nav with a nice calm voice to direct you round Watford and a fiver for a roll of duck tape that you can use to gag the irritating twat. :) I would have also left him by the side of the road. If you're going to be accused of overreacting, might as well make the most of it,

Seriously, the man is taking the piss. I'm sorry he's upsetting you but I'm glad you're standing up to him a little. Now you realise how the emotional bullying game is played, you're going to like him less and less.

MrBuster - I said as much to him and said he can't just expect me to take it and not react. I let rip at him earlier and he backed right down. Hopefully it will last, not doing it anymore.

I stopped up the road to wait for him for dd as she is only 3 and was upset daddy was walking. She didn't understand and I also had his phone. As much of a twat as he is, I couldn't leave him in Luton with no phone or money, he is her dad and she was scared.

Cogit

Yes, I fear I will like him less and less but at least I will see clearly. It's a start. I'm not ready to LTB, but once eyes are opened who knows

Weirdly he didn't want to get in the car and says he would have enjoyed the walk. Power trip again

Your 3 yo will have been upset at the whole situation. Mum in tears, everyone shouting and Dad walking off in the rain. What you see as an annoying spat is terrifying for a child.

Fuck daddy walking, divert her attention (see if she can spot three red cars) and leave him there. Wanker.

Yes, she was scared. Said she wanted him to sit in the front not the back with her.

People mention tipping points when they realise that 'twattish but tolerable' behaviour is no longer tolerable. Children being frightened and upset is often one of points.

I agree. I told him under no circumstances does that happen in front of dd again. I think I did a good job of downplaying it with her and making her feel ok again. We watched a nice DVD before bed with him so she saw us together. I don't want her caught up in it and she needs to see me standing up for myself. Bless her, she said 'I nearly said stop shouting at mummy but I didn't

I'm going to have to name change after this, it is so embarrassing and I can't believe I am living like this. No more

Op, even your daughter knows this is wrong! Come on, get rid of the fucker.

Your daughter is living this as well as you. What a terrible example you are both setting her

Oh thanks, so I am to blame now. Just getting my head round all this, give me a break please. I know she was upset and I know it was wrong and I am shit as I cannot just leave him.

You are not shit, he is shit. If you say you will never leave though, that reinforces the fact that you have a choice to put up with this behaviour but your daughter does not

Those dramatics with the car were very unedifying. A nice smuggle watching a film will not make up for that long term. You are speaking to the voice of experience here, as I was that child.

There is no need to namechange; why is that necessary at all for you to do that?.

Women stay within abusive relationships for many and varied reasons.
You likely stay with this man out of a toxic combination of fear (that feeling is very real), the sunken costs fallacy, shame and embarrassment (other people like him). You probably are very afraid of him and that keeps you there too. It is NOT your fault that he abuses you, that fault here is all his. He has an enabling mother who keeps bailing him out too; she has also done her fair bit of damage here by doing that. This man has never apologised nor taken any real responsibility for his actions has he.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is NONE. That is correct, none. He has crossed that line on more than one occasion now.

I think your eyes are already beginning to open to the harsh realities of what is really happening in your life here and by turn your DDs as well. This is clearly not a relationship example that you want to be setting here to her. Your man actually hates women, all of them starting with his mother.

If anyone else was writing what you have done, what would your own advice be?.

I let rip at him earlier and he backed right down

It sounds like this is the model of behaviour he's learned. Needle, needle, provoke an explosion, back down.

The choices are that he learns a different way of behaving (which would involve admitting he has been wrong, at least to himself); you manage to challenge him every single time (exhausting) or you dissolve the relationship (huge unheaval).

Mind you it might be less exhausting to live on yoru own with your daughter than to be wondering when he's going to be getting the sandpaper out to start rubbing on your skin again.

Very bad way for him to behave around your daughter :/