I am in my mid 30's and have been in a relationship with the same man for about 16 years. I do love him, we get on well and our sex life is good. He has been with me through my depression and stayed with me when I was very fat for a few years although he wasn't always nice about it. It is a fairly normal, good relationship with the usual ups and down but then I should tell you that after 16 years together we have never lived together. He lives with family and I live in a tiny studio flat. He does always talk about us buying a house and moving in together but while he sometimes looks at houses online he never wants to go and look at any, there is always a problem with them. He has a lot of money in savings so a deposit isn't the problem. Also I've tried to talk a few times to him about marriage and sometimes he humours me and says yes soon, sometime, next year, in a couple of years whatever then other times he gets annoyed that I am puting pressure on him. Its the same with children, I just get the feeling that he feels he can put it off for years yet but I'm getting older every year. I am ok not having any but if he were to leave me down the line because I was too old to have kids I'd be furious.
Written down like that it looks bad but he says that we will never break up with me and that he still wants to be with me when we are old etc etc. He is a very slow moving person it takes him forever to do anything even things he really wants to do so I don't automatically take his lack of action as an indication of his feelings for me but there has to be a limit somewhere.
I can feel myself getting pretty uneasy these days about my future, I have friends who say I need to force his hand but its not in my nature and if I were going to do that I should have done it years ago. I kind of feel now that if I get all "if you like it you better put a ring on it and buy a sodding house" he will show me the door, after all he is man in his prime with a good job and I am now and "older woman". I feel I don't have much to bargin with in such negotiations.
Its come to a head for me because I have met a man I really like and who seems to like me too although nothing has been said or done, when we do see each other socially in passing, the sparks fly big time. I never really noticed him looks wise but its him, his charater and personality that really do it for me he is just so sweet, intelliegent, kind and funny as well as really hardworking he has his own business and house! Unlike my partner he doesn't have a degree or anything after high school but he reads a lot, is interested and curious, he has opinions and we can talk. Thats a big difference to my current partner who never has much of an opinion about anything, I used to think it was deep but I realise now he doesn't think much about anything beyond football and whats on TV. Sometimes I feel large parts of who I truly am are totally lost on him, while this other guy really sees that part of me.
I guess I have a crush and am spending a lot of time day dreaming about this other man even at times I think, I should leave my boyfriend because I am "fated" to be with this other man and about how perfect he is for me (which is silly as I hardly know him). But I have no idea if this other man sees me that way at all, I feel bad that these fantasies are affecting how I feel about my long term partner, maybe I just want the validation of being noticed again. I realise that I often think about other men and imagine being with them and I don't know why. maybe because I am still on my own a lot during the week when I don't see my partner. Maybe if we did get married and lived together I would be able to stop doing this.
I am just on edge because this other man seems like a real prospect and I could let him slip away and find myself still waiting for marriage and home in another 5 or 10 years. I could be wasting my life on a man who will never commit to me or worse who might leave me.
What should I do here?