Staying together for the kids?

[BadBadDadDad]

Good evening, I'm desperate and in need of someone elses point of view. I'm 35 years old man and I have 2 sons (5 and 3 years old)
I have been married for 10 years.
My marriage "finished" 4 years ago, we live in seperate rooms, eat our own food, dont wear wedding rings, my wife hates me I think and I dont like her much either, but we have 2 kids and I dont want to be part time dad. Once she got fed up and went to Italy for 1 year - I went through agony without the kids :( when she said she's coming back I was just happ to have my kids back full time.
We behave nicely around kids. I take them out on my own so we spend lots of time together. Thing is: I feel dead inside, I feel trapped and stuck, she says that if I leave I wont see my kids, that she will say in court that I had affairs, been bad father etc etc. I'm thinking maybe lets stay together until boys r 16/18 years old? I dont know.....
I cant see such young children dealing with nasty divorce, bitter mother and part time dad.
She's a part time dentist and doesnt earn enough I think to live on her own. Is staying for the kids good idea?

Yes it is essential that you find so robe that you are comfortable with.
And someone you feel us going to support you all the way.
And someone who is a 'hot lawyer' or ready to fight for you and 50/50 access at least.
As that solicitor says, it has been usual that the mother gets the dcs. Except that it's not always the case and you are well within you rights to ask for more.
And YY to exsin what happened when she went to Italy (basically kidnapping), the intense hostility, the verbal abuse etc.

Thank you. I definitely need a different solicitor as I cant see myself co operating with that lady. I'm sure she's very good but there was something not quite right, for example when I told her about my wife's "holiday" in Italy with the kids she asked me why I didnt call police, didnt go to court, didnt go to Italy to bring them back etc. i felt like a criminal. She asked why do I think my wife felt the need to run away from me(!) I think she thought that I have been abusing her or something?! I felt like an idiot. I tried to explain that I felt helpless when she decided to stay in Italy. Then she asked about adultery. I said I cant cope with 1 woman so 2 definitely not an option for me:) she didnt think its funny :)
I wonder if thats what people will think- that I hurt my wife and she ran away from uk? Sounds awful.
I dont feel very powerful after that meeting

A solicitor has to ask questions and make sure they know exactly what they are dealing with. That's the only way they can advise you. It's significant that you didn't alert the authorities when your DW disappeared with the DCs, for example, because it suggests that you were OK with her going and not worried. That's probably why the advice that came back is that your wife would be the resident parent. If you'd reported her for abduction or similar, then there might be different advice.

So try another solicitor but prepared that they might ask similar questions. It doesn't mean you're being accused.

Thank you.... Have another meeting with different solicitor... Nervous...
I dont feel very empowered by my legal knowladge, its just sinking in that the kids will stay with her 100% and I will be visiting them like a guest not a father. Very hard. Very.
I'm starting to wonder if its worth it... I'm miserable now but if I leave... I will be miserable too...
I'm sorry - just a moan.
Thank u everybody.

Shared parenting is not visiting like a guest. One person is designated the 'resident parent' for practical reasons but the children would be your responsibility 50% of the time, or whatever you work out between you in mediation that works for everyone. If your STBXW tried to make this difficult and mediation failed then the court can rule. Did you make it clear to the second solicitor that you are determined to be a fully engaged, hands on parent?

Realistically, there will sacrifices and life will change for all of you. That's still not a good reason to do nothing at all. Maybe find a third solicitor?

Hi guys.... Seating with a cup of tea and divorce pappers in front of me... Time to fill them up?

My parents decided to cut me off for a bit, they so scared for the boys....
btw they dont live in England so they dont see them much anyway...

So they've decided to cut you off at the time when you would most need their support because they are worried fir the dcs.

Woaw. Just woaw.

I gather you have found a lawyer you are happy with.
Have you discussed what are your chances to get the dc 50/50? Do you want that? Do you know how you would cope with that/have a plan in mind?

Good luck with the papers. It looks like the best decision for you.

It's your decision & I'm sorry you're having to make it without the support of your family. Hope, whatever you decide, you find some peace.