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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Abusive men - is it nature or nurture?

53 replies

WinterGloves · 01/12/2014 17:39

MN threads, personal relationships, friends relationships, news stories... There seems to be abusive men everywhere. I've recently left an abusive relationship and I know at least 3 other people in relationships where the man is emotionally abusive.

Even when there is no abuse, you only have to read MN to see there are liars, cheats, entitled, absent parents, drinking all weekend and uncaring men everywhere.

They can't all have been raised this way surely? Is it outside influences that makes them act this way? Media? Porn? TV? Or are they just born wired to think that they superior and more deserving?

I'm raising boys. They are gentle and loving and I would hate to think that one day they might treat their partners badly.

Obviously I know that women can be all of the above too.

And I can see that my post is very anti men. And I'm sure that's unfair to some men, but I'm talking from personal experience which has coloured my view.

OP posts:
Rebecca2014 · 02/12/2014 16:40

My sbeh was abusive but he had a terrible childhood and I am sure that is partly to blame for his behaviour. His own mother abandoned him as a toddler and he was left with a father and step mother, who abused him and favoured his step brother over him.

I still don't think having a bad childhood excuses their bad behaviour though. You think they would want have a happier life for themselves instead causing more misery.

tb · 02/12/2014 18:20

The cousin of friends of ours adopted a little boy after fostering. Apparently his father was abusive, and they'd fostered him from very small.

His adoptive family treated him exactly the same as their other children. By the time he was 5, our friends had nicknamed him 'the thug' as that was the way he behaved.

Tbf, I think it must be a mixture of the 2.

Vivacia · 02/12/2014 20:19

His adoptive family treated him exactly the same as their other children. By the time he was 5, our friends had nicknamed him 'the thug' as that was the way he behaved.

What was their nickname for their other nieces and nephews, that they treated just the same?

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