Friend's DH told me he loves me

[countfuckula]

And that about sums it up. They are a nice couple whom we met through our DC school. Their DD and our DD are best mates and see a lot of each other out of school at dancing class and brownies. Subsequently us parents see each other a lot too and we socialise a bit. The four of us get along really well, my DH thinks friends DH is a laugh & they get on. A few weeks ago friends DH was being a bit touchy feely with me. I told DH and he said 'he just likes you- don't read anything into it' so I didn't. Until last night, I was out with my other friends, school dad was out with his other friends (no DW). We were talking and he said that he can't stop thinking about me, he thinks I'm very sexy and he is falling in love with me. You could have knocked me over with a feather but I said I was flattered but nothing is going to happen.
All day today I've been thinking, should I tell DH? Should I leave it? Should I have a quiet word with him when I next see him and tell him I am annoyed he has threatened my nice little DD friends social life? The more I think of it, i have done nothing to make him think I may have had feelings for him so I'm getting pissed off about the whole thing. His DW is lovely, we get on really well.

I would have told my husband instantly.

Both my dh stepbrother and his best friend declared love for me and asked me to leave etc. we were all early 20s and I blame it on them seeing him settled happy and cared for rather than me being a siren but I had to tell I couldn't have dealt with all that on my own. Then again I was sure of his reaction and support so I never hesitated for a second. And everything is fine some years on.

But I couldn't have dealt with it alone.

He sounds like a philanderer to me and probably does this all the time. Have nothing more to do with the chancer would be my advice.

how's things, OP ?

Completely agree he's not in love with you and just wants a shag. It wouldn't be such a bad idea if DH goes round there because then it's all out in the open re his wife, poor woman.

Tell your dh and if he goes around the house to see the OM then so be it. He shouldn't be so cocky as to think there was going to be no chance of his DW finding out.

AF's post at 20:16... that's me, that is, a rabbit in the headlights. I'd wish that I hadn't heard, that a large hole would swallow me up and I'd find myself a thousand miles away... instead of just telling the louse to leave me alone. It would only be afterwards when I was safely away that I would feel angry at being put in that position, realising the implications and feeling resentful that things would change with the friendships and not of my doing.

When I read that you said you were 'flattered', I recognised a fellow 'rabbit'.

Yes, tell your H. Secrecy is a killer. You have done NOTHING wrong so you have nothing to fear.

BTW I strongly suspect this isn't the first time he has done this. It might be kind to tell his wife but that isn't your responsibility. Scumbag!

Another vote for telling hubby, you have done nothing wrong but not mentioning it could cause that split second of doubt in your DH if this ever came to light

I'd have said something along the lines of "well you know I said Mr X was a bit touchy feely the other week, guess what he said to me last night when I saw him at XYZ, cheeky fucker"

That way you are being honest and upfront.

Sadly the friendship isn't going to be able continue as before - unless you are prepared to pretend this never happened to your friend and your hubby and her hubby?? Also If it ever did come out then be prepared for the fall out - you could look guilty as Hell for not mentioning it?

This doesn't need over complicating with a big dramatic reveal, just tell your dh "omg x is somewhat of a creep it seems," and tell him what happened. Just treat it with the non attention it deserves.

A few months ago I had a message from an ex telling me how I'd been in his thoughts constantly, I told my dp and we both agreed he was chancing his luck, i told him I was happily with someone else, and nothing more was said.

Don't let him do this to you. He has no right to offload his 'feelings' onto you, without your consent and encouragement. Someone did that to me last year and it fucked up my life completely. Which was ok, as my life was ready to be fucked up. But it might not have been. Tell your DH. Don't let the chancer mess with your head.

I'd ignore it, personally. You don't have to tell your DH or anyone else. If he says anything else say 'listen... flattering as this may be I am not interested' you haven't done anything wrong and you don't need to confess.

Tell your DH. If this guy tries to cause trouble for you later on, it will be better to have been up-front with your DH. Plus, you can tell this man that your DH knows (and perhaps let him know that you and DH share everything) so that he can't get off on thinking that you and he have a special secret together!

I wouldn't tell the wife, but I would try to ensure that all my social encounters with the husband from now on also involve the wife and your DH. Not that you have done anything whatsoever wrong, of course - but sometimes in these situations the man gets off scot free while the woman is made to look like a slapper ... stupid sexist attitudes!

I hope by now you've told your DH. I agree with the others -- it doesn't have to be a big deal, but until you've told him you and this guy have a shared 'secret'.

no I definitely don't think you have anything to confess. But there's telling and telling iyswim. i.e. you don't need to sit your dh down and have a big reveal, just tell him.

When my ex (of twenty years ago fwiw) messaged me I just mentioned it to dp in a "bloody hell I had an message on fb from x and he's been thinking about me apparently," way, and we talked about it because I brushed him off and then he came back and said that god had told him to contact me.

But if you already have a transparent relationship then telling him won't be a big deal.

I have recently had an (infrequent) work contact be a bit overfriendly. Nothing inappropriate as yet, but my sixth sense is thinking that he could be headed that way. I told my DH.

I brushed him off and then he came back and said that god had told him to contact me

Total LOL, WannaBe :D :D :D :D

Did he mean the 'god' in his pants?

... Tell him 'god' has obviously given him the wrong number...

Tell your DH, be honest now, have him have a word with dad no need to tell DW could backfire, you don't know what goes on behind their closed doors! Good luck whatever you decide...

Why on seer wouldn't you tell your DH?

Definitely tell him. Definitely.

Earth not seer

I would tell DH, could not imagine not telling him tbh

Tell your Dh and then no go contact with either of them. It sounds harsh but you cannot continue a friendship with the wife unless you tell her too.

He is clearly not a loyal partner and if she finds out she will feel betrayed by him (and possibly you if you tell her).

What has really stopped you telling your dh? Are you really flattered? If you are then NC is absolutely the only way- secrets like this fester, if you and he have a secret together then he (her husband) has something on you, if he knows you have not told your DH then he "knows" that you were flattered (your words) and it will/could mean he pursues you more. How will you explain to your DH when it continues? When your DH asks "why did you not tell me the first time it happened?" (he will...).

Dishonesty by omission can be as hurtful as outright lying. Tread carefully. If you want yoru own marriage to survive- tell your DH, dont wait, tell.