Friend's DH told me he loves me

[countfuckula]

And that about sums it up. They are a nice couple whom we met through our DC school. Their DD and our DD are best mates and see a lot of each other out of school at dancing class and brownies. Subsequently us parents see each other a lot too and we socialise a bit. The four of us get along really well, my DH thinks friends DH is a laugh & they get on. A few weeks ago friends DH was being a bit touchy feely with me. I told DH and he said 'he just likes you- don't read anything into it' so I didn't. Until last night, I was out with my other friends, school dad was out with his other friends (no DW). We were talking and he said that he can't stop thinking about me, he thinks I'm very sexy and he is falling in love with me. You could have knocked me over with a feather but I said I was flattered but nothing is going to happen.
All day today I've been thinking, should I tell DH? Should I leave it? Should I have a quiet word with him when I next see him and tell him I am annoyed he has threatened my nice little DD friends social life? The more I think of it, i have done nothing to make him think I may have had feelings for him so I'm getting pissed off about the whole thing. His DW is lovely, we get on really well.

I didn't tell. I'm pleased I didn't.

You are over complicating it. Just tell your dh and back away from him.

The alternative is what? You sit there with them, with your little secret between the two of you?

You shouldn't have said you were flattered, you should have told him straight not to be an arsehole. Cut it dead, don't tell his wife, don't tell your husband, there's no point, he probably didnt really mean it but was pissed and is bored with his wife/life. Put a bit of distance between you and them.

If you do record the conversation try to steer it in the direction you want so he admits what you need to show he is a dick and that you had not shown any interest to make him feel this way

Have a practise just chatting with the kids to see were your phone needs to be to pick up voices well and clearly

Blimey, why bother? Surely your dh will believe you.

Oh don't! I couldn't stand that. I don't want a secret. I would want DH to tell me if it was the other way around. I'll sleep on it. Dreading the school run tommorrow.

Totally agree CrockedPot treat it as the non event it is.

I would want DH to tell me if it was the other way around why have you bothered posting a thread then OP . Tell him then.

Hi countfuckula

I would tell my DW if it happened to me.

Nobody has asked you what your DH is like and how you think he will react. What he might say to your friends for example.

Is there any special reason why you should not tell him that you haven't yet mentioned?

I couldn't not tell DH.

at what you need to "sleep on."

I would tell. Mainly because I wouldnt want to socialise with that man again, amd Id want dh to.know why.

don't be bloody stupid OP!

you do not need to engineer a phone call ffs! you need to sit your H down now and talk to him.

with every single minute that passes you are more and more complicit.

he tells you 'i'm in love with you' when what he is actually saying is that he wants to fuck you behind his wife's back.

tell your DH.

I would certainly tell my dh if it ever happened to me. I just can't understand why you wouldn't, or even why you would delay telling him.

The longer you leave it, the more you are leaving yourself open to your dh wondering why you haven't said anything.

Why not simply put your phone in front of DH let him read this thread and say "It's me. Help!"

I knew posting on MN would help me gain some perspective. Knowing the right thing to do & doing it is not easy without support. My DH will probably go to their house & tell him to fuck back off, he's not known for subtlety.

Good idea Tobyjug

If that is his response then make sure you discuss that with him too. The other fool is not worth your DH getting into trouble for and he, your DH, should be able to understand that!

A bit of a reverse here. My Ex had a couple of EAs ( before I knew what they were) I was just a lemon for not calling a halt. He went on to have a full sexual affair which ended our marriage.
After the dust had blown away I asked him if there had ever been anyone else, he admitted a woman I had considered to be a good and close friend had declared her love for him and invited him back to her home. He said he didn't go (hmm?) but I could never look at her again in the same way. She babysat my DVD for fecks sake. She told me she was my friend.

DVD? DCs obvs.
Feck you autocorrect.

My DH will probably go to their house & tell him to fuck back off, he's not known for subtlety.

That was my guess as to why you were feeling funny about telling DH.
It's still a good idea to tell him though IMO. It'll probably end your friendship with the other couple. Kind of a shame, but unavoidable.

Why do you need support? Because of your husband's potential reaction or the fall out when you don't want to meet up any more?

you should tell your dh. if your dh says something to him, remember it's not your dh who caused the situation it's friend's arsehole. he has ruined it.

it is sad when this sort of thing happens. it's not that often that children and parents all get along well. but you'll have other opportunities.

this bloke has shown his true colours and they're not pretty. you don't want to be close to this arse, and you don't want to keep your dh in the dark. remember, your dh is your ally, this bloke isn't. don't protect him.

OP, don't beat yourself up by saying you were "flattered"

You were clearly trying to defuse the situation and let both of you save face. It's easy away from the heat of the moment to wish you did things differently. He massively overstepped a line and how many women have frozen or acted in less than their best interests when caught out like that ? Lots of us I could write you an essay

Do the right thing now. Tell your husband and shine a light on this. Tell him you don't expect an aggressive response from him, that you expect the same kind of dignity you have shown. That you want to be united in this, and if you are not then this slimy fucker has succeeded in destabilising your relationship

Good luck

Yeah, I would tell too. That's where your love and loyalities lay.