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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to deal with mismatched libidos?

69 replies

saltedcaramelicious · 30/11/2014 10:22

I've been seeing my partner for a year. At first it was the typical every time we saw each other we were doing it.
Nowadays though it can go over a week without anything, and we don't even live together yet (but spend at least half the weeknight a together and every weekend).
He just doesn't seem as bothered by it as me. I don't know if it's because we have an age gap, I am 28 and he is 49, so maybe it's natural he doesn't want it as much. He always compliments me and says how sexy and beautiful I am and when we do do it it's amazing, he hasn't got any problems in that actual department.
I wish I wanted it less!

Do I just need to accept that we are different in this way?

OP posts:
grumpyoldgitagain · 30/11/2014 15:47

AspieMan you are talking bollocks

TheWindowDonkey · 30/11/2014 15:50

OP could it be something as simple as personal hygiene? Not trying to imply you smell bad, but I suffer from a very acute sense of smell, and if DH hasn't brushed his teeth (and tongue) in the last two minutes I can't bear to kiss him, because to me he reeks. (Though I'm sure he doesn't to anyone else) I have gently tried to express this, though he won't hear it, and it does, sadly, mean our intimacy is minimal.
I'd like LOADS more sex, and intimacy, and I'm older....

TheWindowDonkey · 30/11/2014 15:53

And aspire man, PLEASE?? All this 'men are genetically wired to want to shag anything that moves' bollocks is sooooo last century. Men want to shag anyone that makes them feel good about themselves, the same as women do. (And I think you'll find that most women have as much of a roving eye as any man, we're just usually a little more subtle about it)

LegoAdventCalendar · 30/11/2014 16:08

Less than a year in, it should not be this hard. Move on. Ignore all the glue-sniffing bollocks from the likes of Aspie and paulette.

You are not compatible.

You will find someone else with whom you are more comaptible.

MadeMan · 30/11/2014 16:51

LegoAdventCalendar - That's a great name and it reminds me I need to get my calendar for tomorrow. Smile

PauletteTheTart · 30/11/2014 17:00

My apologies to LAC for common sense and years of experience. I promise not to let it happen again. Grin

Twinklestein · 30/11/2014 18:24

Experience of what?

The OP can have a laugh when she comes back, if nothing else.

LegoAdventCalendar · 30/11/2014 19:13

Experience in space travel, perhaps, Twinkle. Grin

PreviouslyMal · 30/11/2014 19:26

Why has this board become such a target for weirdos?
Between the goady fuckers and the trolls, it's hard to spot genuine posts any more, unless I'm becoming cynical in my twilight years

AnyFucker · 30/11/2014 20:05

How could the weirdos resist, eh ?

Vulnerable women, posting about difficulties in relationships with men. It's a veritable magnet for the agenda-driven and the misogynists. HQ are much, much better at spotting them and nuking them though.

Darkesteyes · 30/11/2014 21:42

YY AF Thanks

pompodd · 01/12/2014 09:36

I personally (and I'm a man) thought the quite heroic efforts of AspieMan in regurgitating his half-digested horse shit about evolutionary theory should not go unnoticed or unrewarded. Surely there should be an award for such postings?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/12/2014 09:45

The best response is usually to report or ignore. Conscious that this thread has been badly sidetracked. Hope the OP gleaned something useful from between the nuttier stuff...

AnyFucker · 01/12/2014 10:13

OP, any thoughts after reading the (saner) responses on your thread ?

saltedcaramelicious · 01/12/2014 11:24

After reading the responses I had a good chat with DP yesterday, and it seems we've both just be misreading signals from each other, and both need to initiate more. We've both been waiting for the other, and then just assuming that the other doesn't want it. Like a PP said it all comes down to communication.
Thanks for all the helpful replies Flowers

OP posts:
PauletteTheTart · 01/12/2014 11:41

Thank-you.

I'm glad someone thought it was a sensible contribution, very much appreciate the feedback and sincerely hope it works out for you both.

AnyFucker · 01/12/2014 11:50

I hope things improve for you, OP Thanks

AnyFucker · 01/12/2014 11:50

I hope things improve for you, OP Thanks

CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/12/2014 12:46

Glad you've had a conversation rather than hoping it would go away by itself.

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