Contemplating divorce and 'D'H just got fired

[suchabloodymess]

Have been trying to work out what to do, regarding separation following (relatively minor) DV incident involving the police a few weeks ago which was the last straw for me.. Now 'D'H just got fired from his senior well-paid job today.

Whole sorry state of affairs on previous thread:

Thread

I'm trying to gather my thoughts on what this means.

1. He's going to be home ALL THE TIME
2. He's asking for loads of assurances "As long as WE'RE ok, then it'll be fine" which I can't give him...
3. I have a bomb to drop, better to do it now, can't leave it until he has started or is about to start a new job?
4. But I will be the b*tch who kicked the poor, poor man when he was down.
5. He'll be the poor saintly house husband and über dad, and I'll be the absent heartless career woman. He'll monopolise the children and become de-facto primary carer.

I think it's all going to kick off, and I'm not ready and I'm frightened.

Help.

Please.

Hi suchabloodymess

Hope you are OK!

They won't you know, Cunty, because decent women wouldn't settle for that sort of nonsense. Damaged women might though - and will continue to be damaged - and then they'll post here. And then we'll pick them up, put their handbag in the middle and all dance around them singing not that Gloria Gaynor song but Carole Bayer Sager, "You're Moving Out Today". Can't link it but I don't think it's your kind of song, Cunty.

Don't let us miserable, bereft harridans keep you from your decent woman, nice as it is to see you.

Cuntycuntsville - are you bonkers, or just very dim?
This is a site where people (mainly, but not exclusively women) come for advice and support when they find themselves in an intolerable situation, usually at the hands of a partner who is treating them badly in one way or another - or sometimes in several ways at the same time.

And you call what they have to say "inane drivel"?

Why on earth did you bother reading in the first place?

Cunty - I'd love to hear your definition of a "decent woman"

Please.

Hi Cunty! Frightened to see that women don't actually like putting up with inadequate men, are you?

Wonder why.

Wonder where the OP has gone. My guess is that she may be going to try again with DH. I think sometimes people who disappear from a thread when there have been masses of posts telling them to leave, don't like to come back, and I can see why in a way. The thing is none of us really know anything about any r/ship (only the few lines of text on the screen) and yet so many people have such definitive views. This always puzzles me as and I wonder if these posts are from women who have themselves been in abusive relationships?

This isn't meant to be a criticism of anyone - just an observation really.

The bloke who appeared briefly sounds creepy.

Of course its a critism of the OP Nina. Posters don't owe us anything, if anything your post is more likely to stop OP and others from posing when they need support.

NanaNina perhaps people have definitive views because they have experienced or witnessed similar situation/relationships and can spot the identifying signs. Perhaps they wish to save the OP some of the pain they experienced/witnessed. It may be only a few lines of text on a screen, but it's not hard to imagine that it will have taken a lot to have driven the OP to post.

It may be that the OP is going to try again with her husband. God alone knows, he's putting her under intolerable pressure to do so. In which case, I'm sure the posters with the definitive views will empathise with the OP, wish her relief from her troubles, and be ready to offer her support when it all becomes too much to bear again.

Hope you are ok, OP.

Littlebairn I honestly can't see how you can perceive my comments as a criticism of the OP - of course they don't owe us anything, which was my point really - that they don't have to go along with the advice given, nor feel they can't post if they decide to give it another go. I wasn't just referring to this post, I've noticed it on several posts of this kind, so thought I'd just raise it as an issue. I don't agree it will stop poster posting. In fact in a recent similar thread, with masses of posts of LTB, I posted something different as I sensed the OP was not ready to take that course of action, and she PMed me to thank me for understanding that she wasn't ready but thought she would eventually take the step to be free of her partner.

Whereyouleftit Yes I'm sure lots of posters have witnessed or experienced similar things (I have done so myself many years ago when I was a young mother) and yes I did leave and never regretted it. You talk about people trying to save the OP the pain they experienced - but the truth is we aren't saviours - no one can solve other people's problems, though many posters on MN seem to think they can do just that. I think sometimes people post when things are really bad and they are scared and then things calm down and they re-think the whole thing........I don't know, none of us do, but have you not noticed how many OPs disappear from these kinds of threads and wondered why. I certainly have.

I'd like to agree with your 2nd para but I am not as sure as you are that the posters with the definitive views will empathise with her, and be ready to support her again - I'm sure some of them will, but I've seen a thread recently where someone posted on the SP site and everyone was coming on telling her she was warned not to marry this man, but went ahead and now she only has herself to blame.

OP I hope you're ok whatever you've decided to do.

@suchabloodymess I know this is an old thread... but on the off chance u see this - did you leave him? Hope you're doing well x