Sacha can I also just say that it may help to mentally prepare your answers to his whining, not to say them out loud but to know them in your own head....
'...we an build it again...' - but you do not want to do this, you are only now saying your resolve is crumbling, only a bit I hope, because he is trying to wear you down! DO NOT let him win.
...this is the very worst thing for the children... - how can this be worse than living with a man who does not respect their mother, does not care for her and who manipulates her! Has he started doing this to the children, if not, you cannot be sure he will not do this
'... how much he adores me...' if he adored you why would behave this way, like a spoilt child!
'... how can I doubt his love...' how can you not doubt it!
'... that we haven't given it a go...' you have been together a long time, long enough to be manipulated by him and remember you opening post on this thread 'I think it's all going to kick off, and I'm not ready and I'm frightened.' that is not the language of love, is it.
I know you already know all this in your head, you need to tell your heart.
My friend stayed in a loveless, unhappy marriage for years, from the time her baby was born until he was well into school years. Her husband crushed her spirit until one day she just left and took her child. Now they have worked through things a bit and he sees his son and they are divorced and she had met someone new. She is like a different person, much more confident and self assured. She stayed with him years. He always made it clear she could go and leave their child. She must have taken a lot of courage to leave him, but she got to the point where she was walking on egg shells in her own house. She is a lovely friend and I totally respect her.
Anyway, thinking of you, stay strong. You can do it.