My mother is a drama llama and has to take the centre stage whenever happiness came my way

[Mrsgrumble]

I don't know why I'm posting but this riled me.

My mother spoils a lot for me. I have got over it. Sick for my hen, graduation... I could go on and on. She has dperession so allowances and made for her all the time.

Whenever there is bad news she gets all hyped up and she can be 'sick' at e drop of a hat, then the next day book herself and her friend into a hotel and sickness disappears. I can't explain it. Noone except dh understand, he was is shock when he saw her behaviours for himself.

She loves to make me anxious and will go on about suspected illnesses in othercor herself. Well I am 39 weeks pregnant- due baby just about now and she has made a big drama over a test my dad had done, trying to worry me. So kept myself busy during my visit and didn't engage. (I cannot believe it- dad never mentioned it)

She came to knock on the toilet door to see was I crying about dads news (I wasn't - I have learned to distance myself and I don't engage) she would love if I was crying and upset.

Sorry for rambling on. I can't deal with her anymore. If I go on holiday she has these falls that no one witnesses. .its like anything for attention.

Thank you MrsG.

It's not you! I'm old enough now to know that it is definitely a 'thing', this thing she does. It makes me sad to have to keep her at arms length, but it's the only way.

The thing i always wonder is: is she like this with 'others'? Friends and acquaintances y'know? If not - this must mean she reserves this stuff just for me (only child, v.small family). And if so - then she cant have many real friends.

She does volunteer work (for an Historical Society) and seems to know loads of people. Busy social life. But on past occasions when the chips have really been down, there's never been many people coming out of the woodwork to help her.

Just me.

Cross posted with GoodtoBetter who may have nailed it. The princess/victim description describes my DM to T.

I don't think they really agree on personality disorders and of course can't diagnose without seeing the patient. I think they are damaged people with a mixture of traits; degrees of narcissism, histrionic PD, selfishness and emotional maturity. Ime, the best way (the only way really) to handle it is to reduce contact and detach, detach, detach. People like this don't really see others as independent beings.

I don't think that's surprising that they seem to have busy social lives. I think the ability to have superficial relationships, to dazzle so to speak on a superficial level is quite typical. But then any close relationship will be dysfunctional.

My own DM sees herself as the sun & everyone else as planets that revolve around her. We are all bit part players in the drama that is her life.

ten personality disorders

Looked at the HPD traits and i'm not sure mum fits the 'flirty' attention seeking side of it.

In social situations she draws attention by holding court with her superior intellect. Lots of knowledge about lots of stuff and dominates conversations, rudely blanking subjects she's not interested in, and boring the pants off everyone for hours with facts about stuff she does like.

As she's getting older she is getting worse. She has stopped bothering to be cleverly manipulative and is just rude sometimes.

She has it within her to be so sweet and caring though.

It's tempting to try to diagnose because we want to understnad, to label it. I've gone through that. My mum has traits of narcissistic PD and Histrionic PD, but then also lacks various traits for both PDs. I don't think it matters. The point is, she is clearly not "normal". I think it's safe to say she has some kind of PD, I don't know exactly what or to what extent and I won't ever know for sure. What I do know is that she's a horrible old witch and I need to stay the fuck away from her. And that's really all I need to know, iyswim.

My mother is the same! She loves a drama and also plays the martyr really well.

To be honest I blame my dad more than her, she has an illness but he is same, but goes along with her for a quiet life, which I think is a lot worse.

Detach, detach and detach some more.

Have not read the whole thread, but I wanted to warn you be prepared for when baby is born.

My DMIL does not sound as bad your DM but she can't stand attention not being on her (for example couldn't attend her best friends husbands wake because she could not cope, resulting on her best friend having to comfort her at the funeral. WTAF!)

When my DD was born at 4pm at home, rather than DMIL visiting as she could and was welcome to, she called me about 2 hours after birth to tell me all about her elderly neighbour who was dying and she just has to visit that night. She hardly new the woman!!!! Why just why would you tell a woman who has lietrally just given birth this? And why would you not want to visit your first grandchild instead?

(As an aside when the neighbour actually died and the house went up for sale DMIL suggested to me and DH that we bought it as she 'could get a good deal for us including the furniture' - head on hands)

Sorry forgot to make my point....

Set boundaries around your communication with her following birth.

Don't take her shit. After you give birth it's all about YOU and your BABY (take this from someone who kicks herself for spending an hour on the phone 'comforting' her DMIL 2 hours after giving birth).

On my goodness, that's shocking. Like everything is about them.

Mine is not a flirt or anything like that at all but Very headstrong and opinionated. I always remember going into school when we were young and giving the teachers hell and shouting. Regularly. It stopped me telling her anything. It was awful. Yet she would happily lie in bed all day and not collect us from school. She just wants the limelight, not the boring bits of being a mother.

He has never worked yet spends, spends, spends. Turns her nose up at things. My SIL gets a rough deal. She will criticise everything she does.

I have to get something for her everytime I visit (twice a week but reducing it soon). Like a mango or something random. It's ridiculous. Then she will get me to do housework for her but this heavily pregnant I refuse,clay I'm not able. At six months pregnant she wanted me to hoover an awkward staircase and I just said no, I think that's the first time I have ever said no.

My mum is the same. She's never 'well' when you ask, lists her complaints in great detail. No matter how ill I am (long term disability causing pain and fatigue, meaning I struggle a lot) she's always more ill than me, even though there's nothing wrong with her!

My favourite was when I visited and she was washing up, having a conversation with me and complaining that she had flu! No mum, if you had flu, you wouldn't be able to stand and talk sensibly to me let alone wash up!

I've now minimised contact because she's just so draining to me, it's like she's a psychic vampire.

I've one of these and I suspect it's a type of narcissism. People tend to think of narcissistic people as big headed show offs , but from what I've read many play the martyr and the victim. And they play it well.

My relative ensures she is the centre of attention at any wedding , funeral or party. I have seen her pretend to fall over , pretend to faint and when all else fails she has ran away , or rather , gone missing. There has been a range of mysterious accidents , usually on Christmas day. I also suspect she has caused damage to her house to create drama . Every week she is dying from this or that. And I mean DYING.

The doctor is her best friend. She can cry on cue and spears to enjoy upsetting people. She's also a dirty old perv flirt. If she was a man people would be concerned . She will say all sorts of dirty innuendo around the dcs. Gah! I'm pissed off just thinking about it. Luckily I have no contact anymore.

Try setting some boundrys with her , or get your Dh to do it.

Oh the feeble quivering voice ! That usually accompanys the lip tremble while brimming with tears. Disgusting. I could tell by the expression on my relatives face that she was about to start.

Minimize contact Op. Change the subject abruptly when she starts. Tell her to stop going on about whatever it is. They take the piss. They know full well what they're doing. I bet each one of us who has had to put up with this shit can automatically think of a few people that our relative wouldn't DARE treat like this.

My MIL can be like this! complains of chest pains, stomach ache etc usually when she isn't getting her own way. I find it incredibly manipulating but my oh is used to it. Her husband and daughter totally feed into it and as a result, it makes her worse.

Ah yes, my DM has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and does plenty of this. Have you looked at the Stately Homes thread OP?

My DM left my wedding early because she wasn't getting enough attention and refused to attend my DD christening because I wouldn't give her full control of the guest list.

I was on holiday once with a boyfriend who DM knew was going to propose to me on my birthday. She chose that day to telephone me with some devastatingly bad family news.

She has had "cancer" several times. Once to stop me going away to University, and most recently when I excitedly told her I had a fabulous new boyfriend.

I could go on and on, I am sure you get the picture.

I have been NC with her for nearly 3 years now and it has been fabulous!! Life is too short for this shit OP. Free yourself and protect your children from her. Does she have a favourite yet?

Signing in with another drama llama mother. All about her. My MC, my DCs, DH's grandparents dying, our grandparents dying. All about her.

She has a selection of allergies that change regularly but she'll never tell you before arriving what she's allergic to this week. Just not eat and make a song and dance about not being able to have any of it. She martyrs about not being able to have XYZ (more focussing on her needs not being catered for), and it makes me look bad for not really caring enough to make something my mum can have. At least at christmas it's just immediate family from my side this year - they will just roll eyes and ignore.

Funnily enough, she's no tolerance for real other peoples allergies or 'fussiness'.

(this year, I'm catering what suits me, DH, DCs, DB and his DP. My parents can just cope and "loudly not complain", which will suit them fine!)

seeing truly are you my sister?

It's like they follow a script!

Mine got annoyed with my brother for not agreeing to let her organise something he'd not asked her to. So annoyed she told him he had "terminated their relationship". He wrote back that he was having a hard time at work and felt really upset by her. Her response? That his letter was "self-pitying nonsense" and then proceeded to write 8 paragraphs about how terrible HER life was (it's not and anything thing that's not great in her life is self inflicted). Self absorbed much? She also plays "my leg is more broken than yours" a lot. Funny, as she always bitched about her sister doing exactly that. She can't see that they are both 2 peas in a pod, both as mad as a box of frogs.

Stars

I would read up on narcissistic personality disorder and see how much of that resonates with regards to your mother.

I would not let your Dad off the hook here because such men act as their wife's hatchet man (they also need someone to idolise, this is perhaps why they have stayed together as well). You cannot and likely have never been able to rely on him to protect you from his wife's mad excesses of behaviour.

The reason why she left you during your wedding speeches is because those were not about all about and was not the centre of attention (the centre of her own universe. The rest of you are really bit part players in her orbit).

It is not possible to have a relationship with a narcissist. I would stay well away from her and her enabler H and keep any children well away from them also. I do not think you have enabled her, she has instead trained you to serve her instead and put your own needs last. They really do treat other people like dirt.