Husbands emotional affair plus maybe more

[Greensiren2014]

Hi,

I'm a longtime lurker but have never posted before so bear with me!! I have been married since July 2013, our son was born this year and I thought we were doing pretty well all things considered with a new baby.

About 6 weeks ago I looked at my husbands work phone - now am not sure what made me except he's very secretive about his phones and deletes all messages and emails etc now on it were messages from 2 numbers, one
Fairly in depth conversation where he called her Hun, said she was his favourite girl etc and made plans to meet....the other was detailing meeting at a houseand saying he'd be there in 15 minutes. I confronted him about it long story short he deleted the thread re the meet up and denied it ever existing and acted innocent with the other and said he hadn't realised the very obvious connotations.

I was so upset that I left with my son that night and moved in with my parents, he professed his innocence and swore blind there was no more info until about a week later when he admitted the other messages on the deleted thread were from the same girl but he hadn't met with her, then the next day gat he had met with her but for 5 mins and nothing had happened.

Still with me?!

He says that this person was a friend of a friend from years ago but we've been together a long time and he's never mentioned her or the friend and he's not someone who ever goes out or ever has. I really don't know what to think, the long and short of it is he obviously tried to hide it well as it was work phone rather than personal phone or iPad which I am more likely to look at, he lied all week then admitted more and I can't shake the feeling there's more too it. I also should have mentioned that on that date that he met here my baby and I were staying at my parents whilst our house was decorated and he left about 9 saying he was tired.

I should also now mention there's been a few odd things over the last few years of random messages from girls, a porn site he was secretive over and made up some lie about it being someone he went to school with. He also recently got caught travelling without a train ticket and had to go to court....I just don't feel like this is the same man I married and if it wasn't for our son I wouldn't be sticking around to be treated like this.

I just really don't know what to do next, currently we are all at home and he obviously wants us to move on but I don't know how I can ever trust him when I can't shake the feeling he's talking to girls online then meeting up with them. It's making me miserable and making me struggle with day to day life.

Thanks for reading all that!!

So you've managed on your own for the last 4 months? You can do it permanently, neither you or your son needs this lying & most likely cheating wanker in your lives. Indifference indicates you have no feelings remaining for him, this is good. Tell him it's over & seek legal advice.
The uni course will be great for you.

You are looking for reasons to leave - I cannot see any reasons to stay. He is not a good father. Did you get sti tested?

Did you ever get your free 30 mins consultation with a solicitor? It helps when you can be reassured that your son will be taken care of financially. There are also websites which tell you what you will be entitled to money-wise.

If you want the truth out of him you could just sit down and say "look, I know, I am giving you one chance to tell me everything or you can leave, as soon as you lie to me again, you can leave." Make it clear that you know what he has been up to and that you won't tolerate the lies and squirming.

This might be the push you need, if he has been evading paying for train tickets (if that is true and not that he has been prosecuted for paying for sex) then he might have financial issues that you are not aware of. Prostitutes, porn etc can put people in debt.

I've managed in my own for the Last couple of months yes but with a lot of help from my parents and even then it's been so hard and it's obviously not a future I had planned for us. (I know no one ever does) I know it was definitely summons for the train ticket rather than anything else - I think it was taken so seriously because he deliberately evaded them. My biggest issue here is its the behaviour of a 14 year old boy rather than a twenty something year old professional man with a family, that and then deliberately lying and hiding it. Althoug I feel the i differ eve towards him and actually all I really really want would be for him to disappear, I know he's not going to but it's hard knowing he'll always be in our life somehow. I've tried sitting him down and saying, begging for the truth but he hasn't come up wit anything new - I guess it's not really in his interest to admit any further infedelitiesthough. Sorry for the typist - iPad is playing up!

You shouldn't be begging him for the truth, you should be telling him that you know and it's his last chance to tell you the truth or he is out of the door. That is the only way he will tell you and he obviously doesn't care about his marriage enough to tell you he's messed up.

The only way you are ever going to feel better is by ending it and moving on to a new life

He has shown you what kind of man he is and I would bet there is a whole lot more you don't know