Lovely DSD been placed in our care by Social workers... What next?

[SilenceOfTheSAHMs]

DP has Parental responsibility order for her and has court ordered weekly access (FRI teatime from school until Sunday night).

Last friday, DSD was due to get off her school bus at end of our road and come to our house. Bus came and went and she was not on it. DP made calls to school but no one could give answers.
15 minutes later DSD appeared on doorstep flanked by two Social Workers.
It turns out they have come to get her from school as DSD and her other siblings (Not DP's children) have been taken into care.
Because DP and I know the social workers (We have liaised with them in the past due to poor DSD's chaotic home life) they have placed her with us.
She is doing fine, and appears to have settled in well.
However, it does not look like the Mum is getting them back anytime soon and our (lovely, helpful) social worker has told us we need to apply for permanent residency. She has said she will send us a list of solicitors.
Then what? Will it cost us a fortune in court fees?
I have tried googling this but the words seem to swim :(
We just want permanent stability for the girl, she's been through so much at the hands of her DM. Think neglect, emotional unavailability, violent partner, drug use.
Has anyone else been through similar?
Would love to hear and stories about it, Mine and DP's heads are swimming!
Many thanks in advance.
NB Social workers will not disclose reason or section children were removed under.

No advice on the legal / SS side silence just wanted to say how lucky DSD is to have you and DP and it must be hard for all of you dealing with the stress, uncertainty and mixed emotions.

How are your other dcs handling it?

I hope the whole process goes as smoothly as it can (as I am sure it will take a while) and you get a good outcome.

The roller coaster of emotions is exhausting :(

I hope things don't take too long to get sorted.

Beggars belief it's taken this long to get them removed, but hopefully life will be better for all of them now.

Contact your local Families need Fathers. They're brilliant.

Mink other kids love her, they always got on and now she's here they think its great!

Chipping yes, we hope for a quick smooth transition too, but DSDs DM is known for putting spanners in works, but I'm unsure of the leverage she will wield in the midst of all this.

Flufty I shall google them, thankyou.

I agree that in most cases (dependent upon the age of the child) that contact with the birthparents is the right course of action. I know lots of FCs won't agree as this contact can (and often does) cause tension and upset for the child which the FCs have to deal with......but once a final decision has been made by the court that the child is not going to be returned home, then contact is usually at far less frequent intervals. And yes someone said decisions about contact should be based on the best interests of the child - it is the child that has the right to contact with their birthparents/extended family not the other way around.

You don't say the age of your DSD OP but it sounds like she's old enough to know what she wants, and yes her mother is still her mother. I don't think it's at all surprising that you are having a mixture of emotions - why wouldn't you in this situation. The thing is you mentioned that DM was being controlled by her DH and that again is a very common occurrence, so in a way she's a victim too isn't she - and these women are very often too afraid of the partner and "fail to protect" their children. I think (though might be wrong) that DM has a drink problem, and if so that might be her way of trying to blot out the pain. Do you know anything about her upbringing. The reason I ask is because I have rarely come across abusive/neglectful parents who suffered themselves in this way in their own childhoods. However I'm not saying that everyone who suffered childhood trauma will go on to repeat that pattern with their children. The DH too probably has a troubled background.

In my experience birthparents almost always give a false account of why their children have been removed - I suppose it's too painful to tell the truth, or maybe they actually believe they are good parents. The number of times I've heard a bloke who has physically assaulted his kids say "well my dad hit me like that and it never did me any harm..........." Says it all really.
And yes the phone thing is very common, especially now there are mobiles. The birthparents will almost always try to undermine the FosterCarers or step mums - and tell the kids lies - it doesn't take very long - a few whispered words during supervised contact is all it takes sometimes. It sounds like your DSD might well be able to work things out for herself and realise that you are good people who will love her and keep her safe and will be only too aware of her mom's shortcomings. If possible it's best not to get involved and I'm sure you know this, but it's really important that you don't run down the DM or her DH in front of DSD. YES when she's not about, but so much better if you can stick to that.

Can I ask how DSD feels about not having her phone? Confiscating it sounds a bit harsh as kids rely so much on these phones these days and it would cut her off from her friends/sibs wouldn't it? I'm not sure it would do that much harm (dependent on her age) to speak to her mother but only if she wanted to and was up to handling the crap that will be spilled out no doubt...........maybe you could ask her about this? It's difficult as I keep thinking of your DSD as a teenager but she may be much younger and if so I don't think she should be talking (or rather listening!) to her mother and the DH at this stage.

Sharing confidential information is tricky. I think the LA have a duty to share info with you and DSD's father, but not sure about the GPs. because they have to be so careful about confidentiality. The way around this is to be made "party to the proceedings" - I think you said you already were, but the GPs would need to see a lawyer to help them with this. If the court agree that the GPs (or anyone else for that matter) can be made "party to the proceedings" (and I mean the Care Proceedings) then they will get to see all the documentation and will be able to be in court for the final hearing. IF the GPs are considering caring for the other children (or some of them) then I think it's important - also all the stuff I said before about SGOs will be relevant for them as GPs.

Look I'm sorry if I seem like I'm sticking my nose too far into this and please say so and I will back off. Someone mentioned "Families need Fathers" though not sure why - there is a Grandparents National Association - sure you'll find it if you google.

Hope the baking goes well...........

Good luck I hope all goes well for you. I know from experience it can as I have 4 adult DSC who came to live with their DF and I at different stages and we love dearly and we helped by SS to take on as their DM could not look after them or was causing too much damage.

Thinking of you all. Ultimately I would use the line that her Mum isn't well enough to look after them all properly; she isn't is she her illness is addiction/dependency.

I'm sure DSD will kick off at some point in the future as she processes the anger and hurt but the fact your dh has always been there for her will make such a huge difference.

Update

Dp went to solicitor today. She has received all the info from SS and had gone through it prior to DP's appointment. She thinks DP stands a good chance of getting DSD permanently.

We feel much clearer about things now!

Sadly, we have also found out why the children were removed. It was under section 20/ non-accidental injuries. :( Not DSD, one of her siblings).

Nina you are not sticking your nose in at all!!

DSD was slightly unimpressed about having her phone confiscated but understands why. She will get it back in good time. We have also removed her from FB. Why her DM felt it appropriate for a then 10 year old girl to have a FB account is beyond me. This just outlines how irresponsible and feckless she is.

DSD is all too aware of her DM shortcomings. She knows when her DM is lying to her, as she has broken numerous promises to her. She told me last night that her and her mum and sibs had to regularly use a food bank as the mum's DH had spent all the tax credits on tobacco/drugs etc.

She knows that SS do not just take your children without good reason. In short, I can see it on her face the disappointment DSD feels regarding her DM.

Today we found out they were removed under section 20 of The Children's Act, due to non-accidental injury of one of the siblings. I had thought this was the case.

The baking went wonderfully, thankyou.
DSD is happy and relaxed tonight, she seems to be happy here. She told me when she was back "home" she was nervous as she didn't know what DM's DH was going to do next, always shouting and carrying on. :(

Always the DC's that suffer, isn't it Nina
Thanks

I'm glad it should all be straightforward to sort out the legalities and that your DSD and her siblings will no longer have to worry about when they are next going to be fed or get screamed/shouted at or hurt

silence it's lovely to hear your DSD has got such a lovely family to be with now.

Might it help her if you gave her a new simcard and number that her mother doesn't have?

Meerka way ahead of you there! We picked her up a new phone from the supermarket she can use temporarily. Her DM DH been trying to ring her on her old phone, and he is not allowed to. SS have been informed.

Random DP is worried he will not get her full time, he believes his ex will talk her way out of trouble like she has done in the past. I fail to see how she can though, given that DP has the entire weight of our local SS behind him!

We have been told there will be lots of assessments, meetings, conferences and reports to be made. Not to mention court hearings. Sigh!

Shes worth it though, can't have her going back there.

Glad to hear that you have more information and a way forward, but so sorry that your instincts on the reason for removal was right.

She sounds like a bright girl; such a lot for her and her siblings to cope with.

Are the children able to see one another? I don't mean is it "allowed", more does where the others are placed make is practical?

So glad dsd and your dc are all supporting each other. I think at a time like this peers make as much difference to kids as parents

I hope dsd's injured sibling is ok
Are they going to prosecute the DMs H?
Although I suppose maybe they wouldn't say.

By parents I meant the op and her h. Dsd's parents as it were. Hopefully for good.

SeaBright the children are all allowed to see one another together. A lovely SW comes and picks DSD up and takes her to contact centre. The DM DH is not allowed contact with them, or her. Thanks for your continuing input, it means a lot.

Minky Thanks for your kind words. We are all pulling together here, like a proper family should. DSD has never known this.
I do not know about injured sibling, I hope he is OK. DM's H may be prosecuted, hopefully as he is out of prison on licence for the above-thread-mentioned knife crime.

The way their lives play out shocks me. I am by no means from a privileged background, or rich but I cannot imagine the chaos of these lives. They scratch round for money from week to week, begging, borrowing and stealing. And I can't sit here and say its all DSD's DM knows, because she IS from a privileged family, big house, holidays, both parents good jobs, and lovely people!

I think of how they live and I thank God for my quiet, sensible life. And I thank God that, for now, DSD is safe.

Wishing you and her all the best, so glad that your DSD will have a proper home now.

Thanks Meerka the poor girl had never sat round a table to eat. No set meals, no routine. Just bloody supermarket brand noodles and crisps. Little things like routine and good hot meals bring stability to a child, don't they?

Do you think DSD would want to go back? Presumably if it's a case of living with you and just seeing/having "contact" with her Mum. At her age her views would certainly count even if her Mum talked her way out of it.

What a difficult situation. I bet even though DSD's home life with her DM was chaotic she still probably misses her home and her siblings.

Have they offered her/your family any counselling? I think I can remember you saying she was 11 OP? I would hate for it to all seem to settle down and your husband get full custody and then suddenly teenage hormones kick in and all the bottled up emotions come tumbling out. Worst case scenario it would be easy to imagine DSD disappearing to be with her Mum again.

Yes OP those sorts of routines will be invaluable now. Steadiness, predictability, knowing that you and your DH are in control - the best things you can do for her now, poor mite.

It is sad isn't is, the chaos (and worse) that some children are growing up in:(

Fingers & toes crossed for the quickest, smoothest transition to DSD living with you permanently that's at all possible.

Can they give you any timeline at all? Can they assure you that no matter what she'll be with you until the new year or something?

Just checking in with you all, thanks for the replies :)

DSD Social Worker came to see her here last night, she looked like a rabbit caught in headlights the poor girl. I fear this could quickly become too much for her. Of course, we will co-operate with them, but this is a lot for DSD to take in.

She is only allowed to see her DM once a week from now on, in contact centre for a couple of hours. She is considered a danger. DSD is NOT to see her stepdad at all.

SS was telling us that DSD DM has been given numerous chances to get rid of her feckless DH for the good of the children but has not. She has been offered courses, help, advice and support. Her parents would have most certainly helped her out with money. She cannot see that he is a danger, therefore she herself is considered dangerous, and unable to ensure safety of the children.

She has expressed wishes not to see her "Stepdad" and understands that her family has been ripped apart because of him. He is thoroughly vile.

I dread to think what she has seen. She won't tell us so we do not press for details. She will tell us in her own time.

SW is happy with us and happy that DSD has another woman in the house! So glad SS know she is safe and well. At the back of my mind I feared her ending up in foster care or something! My mind just races with it all. All kinds of outcomes are imagined!

Chipping yes, she will be with us for a few months at the very least. A lot of reports and investigations are needed, for the court.

NewEra we have so far not been offered counselling. I feel DP and I do not need it, we are busying ourselves with looking after all of DCs so don't have time to get upset or anything. Although, DP is scared about the whole thing, secretly. Maybe he needs counselling.

I feel DSD would benefit from counselling though.