Tad confused

[Notacluedo]

Just typed a loooong post but it deleted so I'll make this one brief.

DH works away during the week and usually leaves early on Monday morning. We have four young children. He has a high sex drive, I don't at the moment. You can see where this one's going.

He said he was off to bed. I assumed he was showering so finished off what I was doing and went up 15 minutes later. He was lying in the dark so I asked what he was doing and he got really angry. Why hadn't I come up with him, why was I still fully clothed and why couldn't I show a modicum of interest. He feels entitled to regular sex as it's one of the things he enjoys most. I enjoy it too but could go for a while without. It has become a thing now. If we didn't have sex when we could have during a weekend, he gets in a foul mood for the next day or longer. I would never tell him I wasn't in the mood - it wouldn't be worth it. Anyway, I digress. So he got really angry, told me he should have left when the children went to bed as he's wasted the evening and drove to the city he works in and will now be in a mood all week.

It all happened so quickly - I told him I'd assumed he knew that's why I was coming upstairs, given that's what happens most weekends. He wants me to be more interested. I get that. I don't want it to be a duty either but seriously, if this is the reaction then how can it not be an issue? I can't pretend to be a sex kitten if I don't feel like one. Or should I? He wants me to want sex more but I can't help it. And with this pressure, it's even more of an issue.

So I'd just like to know if I'm being unfair? It's so hard to see when you're in it! He makes huge sacrifices for us and I love him - he wants to be loved and appreciated. I understand that. Should I be making more of an effort? And if so, how, please?! Thanks in advance.

[Notacluedo]

Thanks all.

At least it appears I'm not cracking up. It's making me think of other little things I don't like too I might show him this thread.

[AnyFucker]

Please don't show him this thread. I would rather talk to you, not him. And he will dismiss us as a bunch of man hating, frigid feminists I reckon.

If he doesn't respect your own right to bodily autonomy, he won't take our word for it either

I am not at all surprised to see that his attitude towards you is unsatisfactory in other ways. Behaviour like you have described is rarely confined to the bedroom.

[Cabrinha]

Good lord don't show him this thread! You'll get told its man hating bitches and lose a space to be heard and get advice.

[clam]

So, you were coming up to bed, and presumably would have had sex with him. He, however, chucked his toys out of the pram because he was having to wait longer than he thought he should?

[Notacluedo]

Yes. He sees it as me not making him a priority and being interested enough in sex. Like it's a chore. He's just sent an email saying apologies, he's got totally unrealistic expectations of me. Sounds more sarcastic than genuine. I really can't be bothered with this.

[AnyFucker]

Does he know you use mumsnet ?

[Notacluedo]

Nope

[clam]

"Apologies?" That's how he phrases saying sorry for viewing you as a receptacle for sex?
Yes, I'd agree he's being sarcastic - which paints him in an even worse light, if that's possible.
Ignore it. Do not respond.