Being very childish, "does he like me..?" Your opinions please!

[Tobleronerollocombo]

Hello you lot, NC for this but am a regular. Won't bore you with pom bears etc. I have found myself in a bit of a muddle and can't quite work out where it's going, so I was hoping to give you lot the facts and you can tell me which direction it's headed because I just can't tell!

Basically, I went on a night out and ended up getting with (heavy kissing, grinding, and other stuff culminating in oral sex for him) a man who lives in my building. It, and he, was incredible, sad to say it was better than any full on PIV sex I've ever had. At the time he was an acquaintance I found I had loads of things in common with. We talked a lot and I slept over, although I left before he woke up in the morning (as we had discussed earlier, he knew this would probably happen). From what we spoke about we are extremely sexually compatible, which for what we are into is really quite unusual, and we have a lot of the same hobbies and interests, enough that it's really quite remarkable!

In the week that followed, we have been texting, (I don't bump into him that often) a combination of flirty texts and texts about our mutual interests and the usual "how are you, do you have plans for the weekend" etc. type of things. Yesterday, I went over to his very late to watch a movie and keep him company, after the movie I ended up giving him oral sex again (he's very eager to reciprocate by the way, but it's shark week). I left shortly afterwards as I have some issues in the nether regions at the moment, although I did not tell him that, and I didn't want to disturbing anything down south.

So my question is this- does this sound like something that will turn (slowly) into a relationship, or will it stay as a casual sex thing? I ask you the MN jury because I find it so difficult to be objective about this, the almost sex is incredible and rare to find someone so compatible, and we both think highly of the other person (as far as I can tell). Help me before I get emotionally invested in this in case it isn't going anywhere! And no, you don't need to tell me how childish I'm being...

I know I sound like a naive teenager, and I don't mean to drip feed but I didn't want to put in a load of boring irrelevant details in the OP. We do do things together, we've been out for lunch with friends, we watch the rugby together at the weekend. I don't see why PPs have responded a little rudely because I've communicated with both his face and his dick. Although I realise I hadn't mentioned the other meetings earlier.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are probably right, it is probably casual, and I think the best way to go about finding out for certain is to see what he suggests. I agree with all of that. What I'm struggling with is why some of the replies imply that I'm stupid or I've given up something precious too soon for too little, when no one has said anything to criticise his behaviour. We're both consenting adults, why am I foolish for doing something we both wanted?

Nerf I would like it to turn into a relationship, and I think a lot of him as a person, but if it doesn't and it remains just whatever it is now then I'm still happy. He's a good guy and I enjoy spending time with him, and the sex (I acknowledge there hasn't been PIV but it's more BDSM style stuff that comes under the sex category rather than just kissing iyswim) is really incredible. At the moment I think he is a really good guy, but I don't have feelings for him because I'm not getting invested until I know if he's getting feelings for me, I don't want to ruin a good thing unnecessarily. Likewise, I don't want to ask straight out which would probably scare him off whatever he was thinking!

Has anyone said you're foolish? I must have missed that.

I think you've just established a pattern though: stay in and have sex. That might turn into a relationship but I wouldn't count on it. Pull back and see what happens.

I don't really understand why you are asking us to guess and waiting for him to define what sort of relationship this is? Waiting to 'see what he suggests' so you up can pick up clues as to what he wants.

Decide what kind of relationship you want, tell him, and ask him what he wants. You can't 'scare someone off' who's genuinely interested in you. If you want to know, which you do, then ask him straight.

Ask him if he wants monogamy (which is what I think you want?)

If he doesn't, please move on.
Taking the crumbs of a casual relationship would be soul destroying. It's not what you want.

He gets sex on a plate from you without having to woo you or even take you out - sorry but having sex before you really know the person and giving yourself so easily to someone is not a good basis for a long term relationship.

It might lead to something but then again it might just be sex and nothing else, you decide what you are happy with and stick to that.

There are lots and lots of people on here who "gave themselves easily" and ended up married. So I don't think it's so much that as whether they both actually want a relationship, or just films and blow jobs.

Could you be anymore dismissive, Jan45? He gave the OP 'sex on a plate' and she's still interested in him.

As Lois said, lots here who 'gave themselves easily' and are happily married; also lots who 'kept themselves for marriage', who sadly no longer are.

You both seem to like each other enough to want to spend time together and there is obviously a sexual attraction too. I can understand you not wanting to ask him directly so soon.

I don't know what your shared interests are, but if for example you both liked jogging maybe tell him you are going for a jog in the morning if he fancies joining you and see if he is keen to do that. If he genuinely likes you and not just the sexual stuff then he will want to spend time with you.

Good luck.

Love "shark week" by the way!

Not being dismissive, it's my honest opinion, relationships have a far better chance of being long term if you leave the sex until you both actually know each other. The OP is now not sure where this is going or if it's just casual sex, it's been casual sex from the start.

Yes it might lead to a relationship, I've already said that and if that's what you want then popping over for blowjobs etc isn't really going to make you feel very special if that's all that is involved and he's not even taken you out on a date.

And I don't agree saving yourself for marriage, I do think going on dates before sex is the best way forward though.

You can go on dates and not have sex and then get dumped after the sex - it's happened to me.

Yes you can Lois but I would feel less shit if I hadn't had sex with whoever had dumped me.

How long do you hold out then? There is absolutely no guarantee, because some guys are purely in it for the chase.

Depends on the situation, the one the OP is describing sounds nothing more than casual sex to me.

Another man here. If you would like it to turn into a relationship then bloody well tell him! If it "scares him off" then at least you will know that he didn't want a relationship so you haven't wasted any more time with him.

I would say that your actions might have confused him in relation to what your intentions/hopes are. You say that you last went round to his late one evening to watch a film, gave him a blowjob afterwards and then made your excuses (because of some issue you have with your "nether regions" though you didn't tell him that).

You shouldn't therefore be surprised if he isn't thinking of you as someone he wants to have a relationship with because you might be inadvertently presenting yourself to him as a casual sex partner and nothing more.

yes, I wanted to say the same as pompodd, I think he is pretty sure you are after casual sex, OP. As he's a feminist, same as you are, he wouldn't think in stereotypes on the lines of 'women don't want casual sex'. The way you disappeared twice after sex (quickly) and then came back for more sex. So either tell him that you'd like more and see if he suggests a date, or ask him out on a date yourself.

I haven't read the entire thread. But simple questions for me

Are you sure he doesn't have a girlfriend? An ex of mine had this experience, she was never asked out properly, it was implied , but of course all the friends kind of understood she was just his blow job girl. Which is fine as I guess he is just your 'blown' guy.

The fact you are asking - says it all. If you were ok with just chilling out and sharing each other orally you wouldn't have a question.

The femenist thing and things in common means nothing. Right now you are both just having casual sex, you may not have known him from Adam and still be doing the same thing.

How does this common ground manifest itself in real personal shared experiences (other than oral of course)

You do have feelings for him though, hence this thread. Why should he declare his feelings for you before you declare yours for him?

The fact you are asking - says it all

This I'm sure he's having a good time but if you have to question it then I think you know the answer.Looking on back all my relationships if I've had to ask 'does he like me.." then the answer is 'not as much as I like him". When a guy likes you I think you know..never had doubts about my DH once we started seeing each other.

I don't think it's always clear after a few meetings, newstart. Some men like to appear 'cool', and some people take time to feel emotional anyway. He has been seeing OP socially too, so he could well like her.

I agree with PP about the timing of having sex (of any kind) has little to do with the longevity of a relationship.

However, I would certainly ask him out on a date, you don't need to wait for any 'signs' from him. Just lay it out there, the worst he can do is say no and as you say, you're not yet invested in him anyway.

Just casual sex is great, but you are very clearly hoping for something more already, so it really should be a no go now else you will develop feelings for him.

I say this as someone who turned her FWB of a year into a real (and extremely happy) relationship. It does and can happen, clearly, but you have to be honest with eachother and yourself every step of the way. My FWB and I were more 'casually dating' than anything as we spent a lot of time talking, going out etc. that led to us falling in love.

" guess what I'm trying to say is that you are probably right, it is probably casual, and I think the best way to go about finding out for certain is to see what he suggests. "

Agree with PP, why are you putting all the onus on 'what he suggests' or what he wants? What do you want OP?

Oh yes...you already said, 'I would like it to turn into a relationship'. I don't think this is going to happen if you continue to please him all the time without him seemingly making any effort towards you.

Otoh there's already more to this than casual shagging - pubs, rugby and shagging. Sounds promising.

Lol at shark week. Lol at wrapdress "casual sex is overselling it". Hate saying lol but it has it's place.

Lots of views on here...yeah, I reckon this could turn into something. For sure. But I also reckon you have to claw a little mystery back and play harder to get. Try and make sure he asks you out the next time...to do something rather than for a late night blowie.

Yeeeeehah! Have fun!!

Yesterday, I went over to his very late to watch a movie and keep him company

See, its this bit I wouldn't have done if I wanted to date someone. Even though you had already had sex, I would expect a man to make the effort to do something that actually involved leaving his house. Surely if a man invites you round to his, its likely that he is looking for sex?

For me, this would be a red flag, his dating style (if he has one) sounds as if he can't be bothered. You want to date, yet you are running around after him giving him blow jobs in the comfort of his own home. I'd already be fed up. Depends what you want of course, but since he isn't offering, I think you need to find out his "stance" on dating and doing some more fun, interesting things together, and getting to know each other, etc.. If he can't be bothered, and just wants to keep it at casual sex, then is this something you would be happy with?