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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can I be forgiven?

61 replies

Mistakemaking · 22/11/2014 23:09

4 days before my wedding, I stupidly got very drunk on a night out and kissed the next door neighbour. I did it because I wanted affirmation that I wasn't ugly because I had been torturing myself with feelings of getting fatter and fatter with a wedding dress to fit into. I have body dysmorphia issues. My fiancé saw us kiss but still married me. This was 4 months ago. He regularly tells me I'm a horrible person but he's trying to forgive and that I will go to hell... But he's trying to forgive. We met through an affair sadly too. I was in an abusive relationship and he seemed like a knight in shining armour. He battles drink problems but is doing well with it. I do love him but I can see he hates me. I'm pregnant with my husbands baby and I feel he will never love, forgive or respect me. He can say the worst things to me, even before my mistake but now seems to relish having power over me. Maybe that's just the hurt . Feeling desperate and alone.

OP posts:
SleeplessinUlanBator · 20/02/2015 11:06

You are right, if I caught my wife snogging some other chap before our imminent nuptials I would be unreasonable to kick up a fuss, after all, she broke no vows, only my trust and my heart.

Nomama · 20/02/2015 11:07

Sleepless, I know I have posted similarly when it has been a man doing the snogging... honestly Smile

TheDH · 20/02/2015 11:21

Thank you hellsbellsmelons. Good luck to you too

Auburnsparkle · 20/02/2015 11:54

TheDH won't let her see her friends, tells her she is horrible and will go to hell. Nothing can excuse that. OP I hope you get the hell away from this controlling, abusive man.

BigCatFace · 20/02/2015 12:34

You are an abuser. It's not a positive story. I feel bad for your wife.

BigCatFace · 20/02/2015 12:37

And I don't mean I pity her, but that she deserves so much better than you. Not surprised you can't see what an abusive creep you are.

bettyboop1970 · 20/02/2015 12:39

Yes BigCat and Auburn, what a controlling knob, highjacking DW post. I'm massively suspicious and worried for her. I hope she is OK.

F4standLoud · 20/02/2015 12:57

Why hasnt MISTAKE verified that she is happy and it is all as DH says
I have my doubts about this guy being nice
he hasnt commented on putting kisses on texts to a female before the drunken kiss which was against their rules.
Is his DW allowed to socialise on girls nights out now has he relaxed that rule.

magoria · 20/02/2015 13:11

You know he is going to hold a drunken kiss over you forever.

Do you really want to be in a relationship where when you are upset in 5 or 10 years because of something he has done to be told good.

He had the choice not to marry you. He deliberately chose to go through with it not to forget but because he knew he had a stick to beat you with forever.

Fairenuff · 20/02/2015 13:13

I think these discussion forums are a great thing (I wish I had talked to someone about it all too) but I don't think they accurately represent the multitude of factors and problems that exist within relationships. Contributors only get to see a tiny part of the problem from one angle. If they could see the whole picture and see it from a number of angles, their views/advice would likely be very different at times.

Yes, but your wife posted about how things look from her point of view. That is entirely valid and relevant whether you agree with it or not.

She has an opinion on what has happened, why and how she feels about it which she is entitled to express here without being hindered by counter-arguments.

Leave her thread alone and go and start one of your own if you want to give your 'side' of the story.

I knew about this thread as she told me. And I also checked that it was appropriate for me to comment within the mumsnet guidelines too, which it is. I think it's really healthy to share views. I was simply making a positive statement about my wife and our relationship now - we have worked on it and we are stronger for it. And we are excitedly preparing for our son to arrive in May.

The irony of this post is that we only have your word for it. For all we know your wife may be very unhappy and you may be controlling and abusing her by literally speaking for her.

And we don't need a 'happy ending' to tie up a loose thread. Life is not like that. It may not be against talk guidelines to post on her thread but it does smack of trying to restrict her freedom and silence her voice.

OP if you can read this, there is a lot of help out there if you need it.

StaircaseAtTheUniversity · 20/02/2015 13:27

He sounds like a first class nutter. You need to leave.

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