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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My sister kicked me

27 replies

emmalouise1091 · 22/11/2014 16:32

I am currently 32 weeks pregnant and living at home with my mum and sister. My sister is 19 and always been rather violent. We were arguing and I called her a bitch and then she threw a bottle at me. I walked away and then she kicked me straight in the back. If I hadn't turned away I'm sure it would have been in my stomach.

I told my mum what had happened and she lied saying she didn't do it. She carried on denying it for about half an hour then finally admitted it.

I'm fuming and have said I want to move out but my mum is in pieces begging me not to go. I know this is so childish and it should never have happened, were not 10 anymore.

Basically what am I meant to do now? How can I trust her to be around my baby, yet I don't want to leave and break my mums heart.

OP posts:
SassySugarCane · 22/11/2014 16:35

Move out, its not up to your Mum. Go down to the council they will help you. It does count as domestic violence I think.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/11/2014 16:36

Realistically, you could report the assault to the police. This is not some sort of girly hair-pulling incident, it physical and verbal aggression.

SassySugarCane · 22/11/2014 16:38

Think about your baby too, not wishing to guilt trip but if you are constantly worried and stressed about what your sister might do next, it might impact on baby too. What if she catches you in the belly next time. Put you and your baby first. You need your own space with a baby. xx

SassySugarCane · 22/11/2014 16:38

Think about your baby too, not wishing to guilt trip but if you are constantly worried and stressed about what your sister might do next, it might impact on baby too. What if she catches you in the belly next time. Put you and your baby first. You need your own space with a baby. xx

magpiegin · 22/11/2014 16:38

Move out. It may be tough on your mum but you're going to be a mum yourself and your baby should come first.

SassySugarCane · 22/11/2014 16:38

shoot double posted sorry

lurkernowposter · 22/11/2014 16:40

Why should you move out? Your violent bullying sister should move out.

Vivacia · 22/11/2014 16:41

Move out and live somewhere free from this violence.

What do you expect people to say? Confused

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 22/11/2014 16:42

Even if she hadn't kicked you, it's time to move out, unless you were planning on bringing your child up in a house living with someone who has 'always been rather violent'.

Original poster
emmalouise1091 · 22/11/2014 16:53

I am thinking about the baby but I'm thinking about my mum as well. She was crying begging me not to go. I can't do that to her we are extremely close. Such a hard situation

OP posts:
Vivacia · 22/11/2014 16:57

Leaving home is acceptable, normal adult behaviour. It is not heart-breaking territory. Moving out does not mean you are not extremely close.

It is hard, but you're going to be a mum so you need to start making the right decisions, hard or otherwise, for the sake of your child.

Your mum is an adult, she is responsible for her feelings and actions, not you.

Castlemilk · 22/11/2014 16:57

If you are so close to your mum do everyone, including her, a favour and let her know that if some action isn't taken something tragic could happen. What would your mum prefer - be sad that you have moved out, or have her family ripped apart by your violent little shit of a sister damaging her grandchild in the womb?

Tell your mum they can either support you to move out safely, or you'll report your sister's assault and you will look to domestic violence services to help you move.

Maybe this will help her wake up to the fact that she's not doing your sister any favours by enabling her to behave like this by asking you to brush it off.

Move out now, before you are vulnerable with a newborn. And when you do, keep the nasty cow at arm's length. Really.

Matildathecat · 22/11/2014 16:59

Why on earth does your mother need you to stay at home? You and your sister are behaving like a pair of naughty children and your mother is treating you the same.

Time to grow up. you are about to become a mother. That is, ideally, an emotionally mature adult. Your mother needs to learn to be a grandmother to your baby which is very different role to being a mother.

Seriously, this situation sounds emotionally messed up and you need to sort it out.

magpiegin · 22/11/2014 17:01

You need to be upfront with your mum, either she kick your sister out or you go. You are an adult and she must realise you'll move out at some point. You can still be close and live apart.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/11/2014 17:02

Your mother sounds frightened to be begging and pleading. Getting your violent sister removed would probably do you both a favour.

lemisscared · 22/11/2014 17:04

Well, either she goes or you go then! Your sister sounds like she has some serious issues, what were you arguing about, why did you call her a bitch?

How old are you? Is the baby's father around at all?

You really really don't want your baby growing up with this sort of thing going on. Your priority is your baby. Do you feel unable to cope if you move out?

Castlemilk · 22/11/2014 17:05

Well that's the other option of course. I'm assuming though that realistically, it's going to be more possible and long term better for OP to remove herself to her own safe space than have to be the driving force behind getting a violent abusive person removed, probably against the wishes of her parents, and then stay in the house which no doubt the sister will return to - probably in a fury.

Get yourself gone, OP, to a place of your own where you and your baby can see your family safely - and from which your sister is banned on pain of you reporting her to the police for assault.

Wrapdress · 22/11/2014 17:13

Physically abusive sister aside, your mother is messed up. She is emotionally abusing you by not encouraging your independence.

I deal with this myself. Your mother is the bigger problem.

LIZS · 22/11/2014 17:17

Is your mum scared to live alone with your sister ? You need to put yourself and baby first and find a place of your own. Is the baby's father around to support you ?

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 22/11/2014 17:23

Have you always lived at home with your mother? To be honest, a home with someone who has always been "rather" violent is no place to be. Not for you, your child or your mother.

Make arrangements to move out. Disregard your mother's begging and pleading. Your sister and her problems are not yours. Don't make them your child's either.

Hissy · 22/11/2014 17:52

call the police and get your dsis to leave!

or get out.

your dm is not being supportive of you, she's tolerating/enabling your sister's abuse of you and your baby.
she's selfish.

get away from the pair of them

MrsWolowitz · 22/11/2014 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
emmalouise1091 · 22/11/2014 20:09

We were arguing about money. She owes me a lot of money and I asked for it back. I shouldn't have called her a bitch but I admit I did loose my temper. The babies dad left me in September and has a new relationship so isn't interested in me nor the baby.

Possibly I'm still far to attached to my mum. I hate seeing her upset and would do anything to prevent this.

She's gone to stay at her boyfriends for a few days so I'm going to try and get something sorted.

OP posts:
Vivacia · 22/11/2014 20:15

Are you looking for somewhere to move out to emma?

Chippednailvarnish · 22/11/2014 20:20

Possibly I'm still far to attached to my mum. I hate seeing her upset and would do anything to prevent this

So you and your Mum are willing to risk your baby's health to appease your sister?