Namechanged, I promise I'm not a troll.
I know a woman - we're between acquaintances and friends. I know her husband better and would've said he was a friend, until all this started. He's been cheating on her for a long while, a couple of years, with various women. I have no proof of any of it, but I'm 100% certain that it's happening, and I am 100% certain that it's not the first time.
I also know that she wouldn't be ok with it. I've been trying to decide whether to tell her for a long time. Her husband and mine are friends, and my telling her will likely result in quite a lot of unpleasantness. But I just keep thinking that I would want to know. I wouldn't care who told me, or what the situation was, I would want to know. I've been thinking this for so long, but something about recent developments, where it's even more blatant than before, has made me feel like it's time someone said something.
My husband is aware of how I feel. He thinks that the right thing to do would be to tell her, but also is wary of the impact it'll have on his circle of friends. We discussed doing it anonymously, but I just feel that that will add an element that's irrelevant - it'll be all about 'who is the mystery person who's saying this' rather than the issue itself. Also, it makes it easier for the husband to deny. I think it's a bit cowardly, as it's a fairly small circle of people who could know about it, so it'll all be a bit of a game of clue, and I don't think that's fair.
So the first question is - should I/someone tell her? I know the standard suggestion is that one tells the cheater that unless they tell her, you will. However, I'm pretty confident he won't believe I'll follow through. I also think there's a good chance he'll lie to me, as I don't see the woman often - we used to see eachother regularly, but over the past few years we haven't - coinciding with the cheating, and the birth of her children. Basically, I don't think this route will work.
Secondly, this woman is pregnant. She and her cheating partner already have one child. She's due with the second in about eight weeks. If I do tell her, do I tell her now, or wait? If I wait, how long?
Final point, which I do think is relevant - finances are not a concern. She is the primary earner, she could afford childcare and to house herself and the children, if needed.