Emotional abuse

[Doormat1234]

I am in a relationship which I feel is not healthy.

Earlier this week I said something he took exception to, i keep going over what I said and it wasn't untrue or derogatory.

Since then I have had the silent treatment, no response to texts, we were meant to go out tonight and no texts, he just didn't turn up. I got fed up and sent a text saying more or less FFS either have it out, get over it or end it." Got a one word response "goodbye".

We have been seeing each other for two years, but don't live together. He will often send me to Coventry and sulk about what I see quite minor things.

We are not youngsters, I have a responsible well paid job, he is on benefits.

Why do I feel absolutely besides myself and upset to the point of hyperventilating and feeling sick?? Please help me over this, I could well end up grovelling. I have not responded since the goodbye text.

I know it sounds pathetic, at my age (42) but i thought he was the love of my life.

I know that urge to apologise even when you know you have done absolutely nothing that deserves that kind of reaction - sometimes you tell yourself you are being pragmatic and practical, when you are really selling yourself short.

My XH used to get unbelievably angry and strop around and I'd ask him what I'd done (I always assumed I had 'done' something,as he always made me think that) and he would say 'You're always disagreeing with me!' - as if this was an outrageous attack on him.

He would also come out with total accusatory nonsense like 'You always want what YOU want'... and I would say 'Yes, of course I want what I want - don't you always want what you want? That is the nature of wanting things, it doesn't mean to say I always get what I want.' 'What's wrong with wanting what I want?It's a truism' [You can see you start to go round in circles and think that you must be in some strange other universe at this point - all part of the plan to fog your brain I think] ... anyway, the point is that there was plenty wrong with what I wanted! I wasn't supposed to want anything that wasn't what he wanted, was I? I wasn't supposed to have separate needs, desires and tastes to the controlling bastard as that was an affront to his fucking dignity.

I only worked this out after we split up of course.

We all do Poppy.... don't we, but its a huge learning curve though, which is a blessing. Hence having a site like Mumsnet. I look at women my age (52) and they are still in something that has knocked the stuffing out of them due to having 20+ years of it.

Way to go Tinks. Better late than never!

apologies if my post was somewhat misleading, i said I look at my friends that are still there 20 odd years later.