just feel so incredibly lonely and lost

[poisonintheblood]

I've never felt more alone. Nothing's happened. It's just slowly realising no one at all cares for me or wants me or will miss me (I have my children but I care for them rather than vice versa if you see what I mean)

I'm so sad

Oops spelling error there. It is late :O

I understand your feelings of loneliness but honestly the only person who can improve your situation is you.

All my grandparents died before I was 10, and both my parents by the time I was 25. My situation was slightly different in that I had my first DC on my own, literally. No contact with his father during pregnancy or after. I did it all on my own. But oddly I actually liked it. It gave my life a purpose it lost after my parents death (DS was born 11 months after my dad died).

I then got into a terrible relationship, had another DC. Hated him, felt miserable a lot of the time. It took many years of wishing it would get better, that someone would help me leave, before I realised I had to do it for myself. Once I left, I felt a huge weight had been lifted. It won't be easy, but I think you will be surprised how much your relationship will be affecting your sense of wellbeing and at how much better you feel once you are out of it.

We've established it's all my fault I feel sad, I think VS? I'd actually be quite grateful if we could leave it at that, clearly I am massively unreasonable for admitting I feel low and sad and the only person to ensure I never ever feel like this again, is me. This I can do by looking at my children and marvelling at their wonder and so never feeling alone.

poison...I don't think anybody is 'blaming' you..the feeling of loneliness is awful..my children didn't really make me feel less lonely either! Not because I don't love them or want to be with them..i guess I was/am just looking for that something to relieve that feeling..and I know too well how it feels OP..and nobody would have a clue how i feel either(:

poison I really do mean this in the kindest and gentlest of ways. I think your loneliness and how this is really affecting you might be influencing how you are reading some of these replies.

It's certainly not your fault you feel sad and lonely. I don't think that's what velvetspoon was suggesting at all. I think she was trying to reassure you that you have the strength within you to change your situation. You just need some help and support to find that strength and make it happen.

I was terribly, terribly sad in my marriage. I had no friends, I was unloved, my family was small/dwindling/a joke and now there is just me. I'm finally NC with my mother; my dad died, his 'new' family didn't want to know after the funeral.

I used to cry almost daily. I used to go to bed terrified that I'd wake up tomorrow. I hated my birthdays because it made me realise that a) there was nothing to celebrate and b) just how little of my 'life' had passed and how much there was left to endure

And now there is just me and my children. But I couldn't be happier. I'm still lonely on occasion, but without the weight of an unhappy marriage around my neck and the abject misery that brought, I was able to see the world around me. I did meet new people, I interacted differently with the people I already knew and I'm happier now than I've ever been. That's not to say I'm always 'happy', or that I never feel lonely. But it's much better than it was!

So small steps...

You've already said you want out of the marriage. You're not asking how to make it work, or how to become contented with your 'lot'. so that's the first hurdle cleared

What comes next..? What is stopping you from saying, "fuck it!" and dumping him?

Thank you. I'm trying - it's the practicalities I'm trying to organise. I need somewhere to live. I need an income. I need childcare.

This all takes a lot of energy and determination and strength and I have no one to support me through it. And I'm not even sure I'll feel any better at the end of it or that my children will necessarily thank me for it. I have no one to talk to about these fears and concerns and worried and upsets and then I come on here and (it felt) people were telling me it's my own fault and to sort it out.

Im trying but it's just difficult to do it ALL alone.

Poison, I really wasn't saying it's your fault. I'm sorry if that's how my post came across

My Ex was verbally abusive within 6 months of the start of our relationship. Physically abusive within 12 months. It took me another 8 years to leave. Not because I loved him or hope md he would change, but because I had none of that energy, determination or strength you refer to, it took all my resources just to keep going. When you have no other support, and feel alone, something like ending a relationship feels insurmountable on all practical levels. I wish you well, and hope that you find a way out much sooner than I did.

Thanks velvet. Sorry if I was sharp. I feel very low just now. I'll get through it but it's hard. X

poison, how are you today? I didn't get the chance to add to the thread yesterday, but it sounds like your situation is even more similar to mine than I'd thought. Thinking of you and hoping things will change for both of us