just feel so incredibly lonely and lost

[poisonintheblood]

I've never felt more alone. Nothing's happened. It's just slowly realising no one at all cares for me or wants me or will miss me (I have my children but I care for them rather than vice versa if you see what I mean)

I'm so sad

It really isn't just having a moan.

I have children and I love them but I don't expect them to sort out my marriage or help me emotionally and i am sure I would be (rightly) crucified on here if I did.

I empathize with you OP. I feel lonely too.

Here's a taboo for those who think that because I have children I should never be lonely: I should never have had them.

I am tied to a scary and dangerous person for the rest of my life because of it; my sons birth gave me post partum psychosis.

They are loved but don't think for a moment they solve all problems.

Can you tell us a bit more about your marriage poison? What's going on?

To the poster who criticised OP for feeling lonely because she has dc, really? How about you get a grip and come back to this thread when you have got a child, with your non family, no friends, no partner?

I'm flabbergasted that you do not understand that loneliness can affect anyone regardless of who they have in their life!

Poison your life doesn't have to be this way. It really doesn't. There are things you can do to change your world. Don't settle for anything less that what makes you happy. Yes life is complicated especially with dc in the picture but your husband isn't the be all and end all.

Why is he scary?

My marriage is awful and I am trying to get out of it but due to children I'll still have to see him sometimes.

I have no family and few friends and so yes I do reserve the right to feel lonely which doesn't negate other people's loneliness of course.

I think if you took steps to leave your husband, you may find that all your old friends will come back out of the woodwork and welcome you back with open arms.

Please phone Womens Aid for a chat. Go and see as many solicitors for the free half hour and find one that specialises in family law and start getting your ducks in a row in preparation to getting him out of you and your children's lives. He has caused your isolation.

OP

What is it that you are most afraid of in regards to leaving your husband? Financial constraints? Having to move?

There are lots of things that are helpful towards a woman leaving a marriage with her children. Such as maintenance, benefits etc

I'm not scared of leaving but I'm not pretending it will solve everything either

POISON, I understand how you feel. Don't let any of the less supportive comments invalidate your experience.
You sound as if you are trapped in an abusive marriage and that tends to taint and permeate through every aspect of your life.
You mentioned his tactics to isolate you, so you probably do not see the point In trying to establish new relationships, which must leave you feeling like your situation is somewhat hopeless.
I get that you feel even more lonely when you hear the chatter of colleagues and their seemingly happy lives. These days if you try to confide in people about your troubles you may find that they start to distance themselves from you. Is this what you have found? Maybe this is why you feel lonely too, as people are so busy with their own lives nobody can really be supportive anymore and you feel you don't really matter to anyone enough.
Mumsnet mums can be so fabulous, as the ladies give great advice and are very supportive for the most part. So keep posting.
It sounds like you have to find a light at the end of the tunnel and take small steps to find solutions to the root cause of this loneliness and unhappiness you feel.

You will be surprised about what leaving a miserable marriage can solve.

I guarantee one thing. You hold the key to your happiness. No one else. You have got the power to change this situation. Only you can do it though. No one else can instigate change for you.

Yes yes thank you I will NEVER post again when I'm getting miserable, I get the message!

No, Poison.

Keep posting, especially when you're miserable. I am starting to understand what's happened to you and why you've ended up feeling frustrated, but it's coming out in fits and starts so it's not easy to perceive the whole picture.

Keep posting, then when the picture makes more sense you'll get advice appropriate to your specific circumstances.

I live in Shropshire. Can I p.m. you?

Yes sure :) thanks.

I'm sorry if I sound abrupt but even when I do leave it's not going to bring back my family/friends, is it? It's just awful having people shout at you and say you're wrong to feel as you do and sort it out then - like a ruined life can be sorted with 'oh right I'll be happy then.'

You can get your friends back. Never say never. If your dh doesn't like your friends and he's rude to them they do have to back off.

Surely they will help you if you want to get away from him

No I really can't - we are going back years and years and years. Don't know how to find half of them. They wouldn't want to know and I don't blame them.

The good thing about mn is that if you provide the info, people can open your eyes to new perspectives on your situation. They can help unblur it, offer hope, help you view it from a totally different angle

You can make new friends though. Life doesn't have to be so hard, although it bloody is at times, I know full well but I also know it's what you make of it aswell.

I don't know what into people want.

I want out of my marriage.
I have 2 children.
I have no family or friends who can help
I feel lonely

If you want out of your marriage then you have to start thinking about the practicalities of it.

Seeing a solicitor? Where you will live?

Does your dh know you're unhappy? If he did would he be interested in helping you?

And tbh most family don't help when people are in situations like yours. It's rare that someone has the perfect parents. The most we can hope for is a good friend to listen to our woes

Poison I understand how you feel. I was in abusive/miserable relationship and thought things would get better once I got out nearly a year ago. Yes my life is better, but only marginally, in some ways I'm lonelier as I've reached out to people and they are too busy with own lives. I had no financial pressure/responsibility when with ex, another thing I have to manage alone.

Even though he was not a good partner, for some of the time he was at least adult company even the most abusive men are usually nice / pleasant some of the time just simple things like eating a meal and watching TV alone night after night without even a phone call from anyone can feel so isolating.

I have limited free time to meet anyone new (friend or relationship) or even try to due to working and childcare commitments.

So I get what you say, just because you could get rid of bad relationship doesn't automatically mean that you get good in its place.

I would recommend trying to make new friends and then think about leaving, perhaps a course or something?

Confused that's really kind and honest thanks and it sums up my own feelings fairly well. I don't know about a course - like you I suspect that I'd just feel worse/lonelier in many ways if I did.

I didn't say I had perfect parents, I said that I had no family when someone asked - can we not keep referring to it!?

Op i understand your lonliness. Even with family and friends sometimes there is just a loniness you just feel and i am so sorry that someone has been negative on your post. Keep posting and ignore anyone who is rude. Big hugs.